Men on Mumsnet

[R2519]

Hi
I'm posting on AIBU, mainly for traffic, but will use the voting function to see what people think.

I am a man and have used MN for a few years now. I was a SAHD for our first child after doing shared parental leave with my wife. She wanted to go back to work and is the main earner so decided i would stay at home for another year. I am now back at work and our DD is in nursery. Anyway, i digress. I found MN to be hugely helpful when i was a SAHD. A huge wealth of information from other parents, mainly mums, on what to expect and how to deal with different situations. I genuinely found it invaluable.

This is where my question comes in......I am assuming that MN, as the name probably suggests, was created for Mums.....women, but i think its pretty common knowledge a lot of men use it too. Some like me, who are SAHD's or find it invaluable for parenting information but i am also sure there are some men who use it for questionable means (like the sex chat area for example).

So, my question is.......do women think men have a place on MN or would they rather men not use it?
Yes / IABU = Men have a place
No / IANBU = Would prefer men not use MN
(sorry, not sure the best way round for those)

Its a very general question i know but on the face of it i wondered if some women felt it was another example of men invading safe spaces, IYSWIM......I appreciate it may sound extreme but i was curious as to how people felt about it.

Finally, i know anyone can use any platform to give their opinion (providing its not illegal), I'm just curious to know opinions....from women and men too.

Thanks

@SuckingDieselFella

I've had a couple of condescending comments because the posters thought I am male!

The name is a Line of Duty reference, I'm not a fella.

I get this as well. I’ve been on MN nearly 20 years under discussion names and have had far more snippier replies to me since I’ve had this name.

Some people have openly accused me of being a man. Others have openly accused me of loving Jacob Rees Mogg.

Neither could be further from the truth. 😂

@GimmeAy

Actually it's an Irish turn of phrase - now yer sucking diesel. Most used on Killinaskully or by D'Unbelievables who are Irish.

I don’t know youse are arguing over the term. It’s obviously used on both sides of the border, as are many expressions, due to us being on one island with shared connections, histories and even bloodlines.

My father would also use it whenever I'd give him good news - Now yer sucking diesel.

And yes, it’s fine for men to be here. I’m sure MN is a great source of information and support for both sexes. Just no mansplaining please.

I found MN because I wanted a place to go to for parenting advice from other mums and mums I didn't know. After downloading it etc I realised it isn't just for mums, or even parents. There's plenty of topics. I can't figure out why on earth it's called 'mumsnet'

It’s a good mix of mums, dads, grandparents, people without children etc.

I couldn't care less. This is a public forum with lots of different topics being discussed so I can understand why people who are not mums would want to visit and get involved in conversations.

my only caveat is don't be a dick or a sealion. They get really boring really quickly.

Seems to me to be a great place for men to target single females with children. I find it strange and a little bit suspicious that a man would want to go on a woman’s forum.

@Idontlikewednesdays

Seems to me to be a great place for men to target single females with children. I find it strange and a little bit suspicious that a man would want to go on a woman’s forum.

Blimey, the point of this thread has completely whooshed you hasn't it?

Mumsnet is not a 'woman's forum'.

By parents for parents.

So I think, with that stated, everybody's welcome. I've never divulged my sex on here and have been lampooned for being a man, and sympathised with as a woman, depending on the content of the thread/my comments and views. Stereotypes held by some posters are... interesting.

I’m perfectly happy for men to post on here (most posters don’t have an obviously gendered name so there may well be more of them amongst us than we realise )

The only thing that pisses me off is when a man starts his answer to someone else’s post with “Man here. My opinion is xyz” as if that should affect how we receive this wisdom.

Any bloke who just uses MN like everyone else is fine by me. The ones who come on and mansplain or expect to be mothered and pandered to get my goat.

I think it’s good that it’s called Mumsnet, as it puts off the very kind of men you don’t want posting. You only have to look at comments on some sites to see how many people hate Mumsnet and brand us all ‘hysterical’ women, so it suits me if the name keeps them away. I’m happy enough for men to post on here, but I wouldn’t want it over run with men, because it’s one of the very few places that is woman centric.

And what Lillian said.

the problem is the hatred ran so deep that it blinds idiots.

I have been called "a man" several time - because I dared to have an opinion opposed to a poster. So now women are not allowed to have independent opinion apparently, it has to come from a male (always a charming point of view) and being male is seen as the worst insult they can think about. One can only hope they haven't got boys!

MarkRuffaloCrumble fabulous user name!

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

expect to be mothered and pandered to get my goat

What about the women who post expecting the same, though? Should they be afforded this luxury?

(I agree with the PP about your username, btw)

@JaniceWebster

the problem is the hatred ran so deep that it blinds idiots.

I have been called "a man" several time - because I dared to have an opinion opposed to a poster. So now women are not allowed to have independent opinion apparently, it has to come from a male (always a charming point of view) and being male is seen as the worst insult they can think about. One can only hope they haven't got boys!

I totally have had the exact same thing happen to me! I've been accused of being a man (you know, because apparently that's some sort of insult ) for daring to have a different opinion to majority of posters on a thread. How nice that women are shutting down other women's voices.

but why exclude the parenting-related topics (other than those relating to pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding etc.)?

why should they even be excluded from those? Non-mothers are not excluded (should they want to join), and when it's about their own partner, they are just as entitled to participate.

No wonder so many women complain about the lack of support when so many women refuse to include "men"

You're right, actually.

I just worry about the women married to these men who post on MN. Surely they're thinking - give me some fucking space! Is nowhere sacred or do you feel your dick will add to every forum?

What about the men who use their brains when thinking about what to contribute, rather than their genitals?

That attitude reminds me of the bad old days when women weren't allowed to vote, work outside the home, own property etc. because 'they'll only get all hormonal/hysterical and men are just naturally more intelligent and more capable of solid rational thinking'.

As others have said I have no issues with men on the site. I do get a bit though when some chime in with their ‘male perspective’ as if it gives them some sort of final authority on a subject, but actually doesn’t add much.

I could do without them to be honest.

Thanks everyone for replying.......really interesting to read the responses. I'm also interested to see that around 1/5 of people don't want to see men on here. I suppose that maybe due to men getting involved in the wrong conversations or expressing their opinion as a man, thinking it has some added weight to it.....just because they are a man!

I have to admit, since being on here it has definitely helped me see things a little differently. Its given me a new perspective of how women feel and how they are treated socially, in the workplace and in general. Some of it has been eye opening and shocking to say the least. I do fear for my DD in some respects.

I am always cautious not to get involved in clearly sensitive topics although i have witnessed some men doing this, announcing they are men (and are there to bestow on everyone their godly opinion, like it matters). I just cringe.

I do wonder if prefacing a post with 'Man, here...' might often mean something other than '... and so you all ought to listen to my superior view.'

It's a big assumption to make.

I have been called "a man" several time - because I dared to have an opinion opposed to a poster. So now women are not allowed to have independent opinion apparently

Can relate to that, has happened several times to me too - my tone is apparently like a man whatever the fuck that means lol

I too have been accused of being a man as the ultimate insult from a female poster who disagrees with my opinion.
MN are really good at deleting these abusive posts straight away.

@DamnShesaSexyChick
Is that because you get fed up of them announcing themselves as men or because you feel MN should be a women only space?

I asked this question initially as i was talking to my wifes friend the other day. She has had a messy breakup and posted on MN about it and got some men giving their opinions which p*ssed her off and she made a passing comment along the lines of 'do women not get any women only space anymore where men don't take it over' (she doesnt know im on here, but my wife does)......i know MN is for parents but i suppose should there should be some areas of the site where it is women only perhaps.