Men on Mumsnet

[R2519]

Hi
I'm posting on AIBU, mainly for traffic, but will use the voting function to see what people think.

I am a man and have used MN for a few years now. I was a SAHD for our first child after doing shared parental leave with my wife. She wanted to go back to work and is the main earner so decided i would stay at home for another year. I am now back at work and our DD is in nursery. Anyway, i digress. I found MN to be hugely helpful when i was a SAHD. A huge wealth of information from other parents, mainly mums, on what to expect and how to deal with different situations. I genuinely found it invaluable.

This is where my question comes in......I am assuming that MN, as the name probably suggests, was created for Mums.....women, but i think its pretty common knowledge a lot of men use it too. Some like me, who are SAHD's or find it invaluable for parenting information but i am also sure there are some men who use it for questionable means (like the sex chat area for example).

So, my question is.......do women think men have a place on MN or would they rather men not use it?
Yes / IABU = Men have a place
No / IANBU = Would prefer men not use MN
(sorry, not sure the best way round for those)

Its a very general question i know but on the face of it i wondered if some women felt it was another example of men invading safe spaces, IYSWIM......I appreciate it may sound extreme but i was curious as to how people felt about it.

Finally, i know anyone can use any platform to give their opinion (providing its not illegal), I'm just curious to know opinions....from women and men too.

Thanks

Mumsnet is a classic example of a site that has outgrown its name.

If I got to choose I would prefer it to be women only, but obviously that's unenforceable on the internet. Thing is I'm sure that there are plenty of normal blokes posting their contributions that you don't even notice because they just fit in. Most of the visible men are the obnoxious "as a man" posters, which must colour opinions.

I find the men less irritating than the childless posters who share their parenting wisdom or critiques on here.

Perfectly fine for a man to be on here. Unless someone announces or has talked about their pregnancy, I'm not sure how you can tell unless the male poster is wading in to mansplain to the little women.

@Ticktocklovelyclock

I find the men less irritating than the childless posters who share their parenting wisdom or critiques on here.

YES. Agree 100%

I don’t mind at all that men use Mumsnet, I also don’t mind when women who aren’t ‘Mums’ use it.

Maybe I'm missing something but how do you know if a poster is a man without them saying so on the post?

I only use the app to access mumsnet so maybe I'm missing something that others can see on the main site?

Maybe I'm missing something but how do you know if a poster is a man without them saying so on the post?

Often you don’t, and in that case nobody cares. There are plenty of us with men’s names but most people will assume that the person behind it is female unless they state or prove otherwise.

But when someone comes swaggering on here, bloking around all over the joint, it’s jarring because we’re just not used to it here.

We hear and read men’s voices outnumbering women all over the internet - and in real life in every meeting, TV show, debate etc.

MN is the one place where women’s voices outnumber men’s and its notable when that changes. It’s a bit like hearing a mans voice in the changing rooms/toilets. It may well be a cleaner or a member of staff with a legit reason to be there, but all of a sudden you’re on your guard because it’s not normal.

When you go onto the sex topic it’s especially notable, as when people are chatting about their sex life, it’s a bit like a girly night out, bonding over shared experiences etc. Then some guy wades in and starts with the whole “Man here! My DW’s never had any complaints in that department LOL” and all of a sudden it’s a different conversation. You’re suddenly very aware that someone has been listening in and that he might be enjoying it a bit too much. Someone mentioned tone deafness earlier and I think that’s it - even when a man is discussing the same thing as women, there can be a subtle change in tone that makes it sound leery and lecherous, not lighthearted and fun. A bit like strippers - the way a man behaves around a female stripper and the way a woman behaves around a male one are worlds apart. I don’t personally agree with either of them as a form of entertainment but I think it illustrates the difference I’m talking about in terms of tone.

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

Maybe I'm missing something but how do you know if a poster is a man without them saying so on the post?

Often you don’t, and in that case nobody cares. There are plenty of us with men’s names but most people will assume that the person behind it is female unless they state or prove otherwise.

But when someone comes swaggering on here, bloking around all over the joint, it’s jarring because we’re just not used to it here.

We hear and read men’s voices outnumbering women all over the internet - and in real life in every meeting, TV show, debate etc.

MN is the one place where women’s voices outnumber men’s and its notable when that changes. It’s a bit like hearing a mans voice in the changing rooms/toilets. It may well be a cleaner or a member of staff with a legit reason to be there, but all of a sudden you’re on your guard because it’s not normal.

When you go onto the sex topic it’s especially notable, as when people are chatting about their sex life, it’s a bit like a girly night out, bonding over shared experiences etc. Then some guy wades in and starts with the whole “Man here! My DW’s never had any complaints in that department LOL” and all of a sudden it’s a different conversation. You’re suddenly very aware that someone has been listening in and that he might be enjoying it a bit too much. Someone mentioned tone deafness earlier and I think that’s it - even when a man is discussing the same thing as women, there can be a subtle change in tone that makes it sound leery and lecherous, not lighthearted and fun. A bit like strippers - the way a man behaves around a female stripper and the way a woman behaves around a male one are worlds apart. I don’t personally agree with either of them as a form of entertainment but I think it illustrates the difference I’m talking about in terms of tone.

Totally agree re the sex topic. It feels like there are men reading and circling ready to swoop in with their tales of what they enjoy together with detail, what they think their DW enjoys and yes-enjoying it all a bit too much.

Maybe I'm missing something but how do you know if a poster is a man without them saying so on the post?

There's no way of knowing - even if they state it clearly, it still might not be true. When you join MN, they ask for your sex (they may say 'gender', I can't remember), but they don't send a mandatory DNA-testing kit to your house to prove it before you can join.

Even user names that might seem to give a very good clue can't be relied on. As well as a few who might be deliberately trying to mislead, there are loads who just use the name of an opposite-sex celebrity they admire/fancy/want to lampoon, use it as part of a pun - something like PaulTheOtherOne or GladysFriday (or better than that!) - or are just quoting something funny that they said/heard said to somebody else.

@Waxonwaxoff0

Men on here don't bother me at all, but as PPs say the whole "as a man..." posts are irritating. Especially when it's to do with women's looks.

God yes that annoys me so much too!

It's like they're here 'as a man' to deliver their casting vote, the only opinion that really counts. As in "I know you ladies are so desperate to lose weight, but as a man let me tell you that we men love curvy ladies!"

So that's settled then!

Mumsnet has childless posters and poster who seem to actively hate kids. So yabu

I personally think it's good to have other pov on here. Also imo it's nice when their is a hint that the poster is a bloke in the user name as if the relationship boards its puts another view into perspective.

Besides no one really knows who anyone is on here. We could all be trolls. People need to mindful of keeping themselves safe online and not over sharing.

IcedPurple that's it exactly. My pet peeve is "as a man, I can tell you that we hate too much make-up and prefer natural women." As if our sole purpose is to attract men.

@Waxonwaxoff0

IcedPurple that's it exactly. My pet peeve is "as a man, I can tell you that we hate too much make-up and prefer natural women." As if our sole purpose is to attract men.

Oh yeah that too!

I remember reading the Sali Hughes beauty column in The Guardian when it was open to comments. About half of the comments would be along the lines of "Man here. Just wanted to tell you ladies not to bother putting all that shit on your faces. Men hate it."

And I wouldn't mind so much, if it weren't for the fact that most men do actually like women with makeup. They just don't realise that makeup doesn't always equal red lipstick and heavy black eyeliner. That pretty 'natural looking' girl in the office is probably wearing a full face of makeup!

Not bothered about men using the site as long as they aren't here to mansplain.

Much rather a male use the site such as yourself than a woman using the site who says 'well I've just showed my DH this thread and he thinks xyz'

Could not give less of a fuck.

@LockdownLump

Not bothered about men using the site as long as they aren't here to mansplain.

Much rather a male use the site such as yourself than a woman using the site who says 'well I've just showed my DH this thread and he thinks xyz'

Could not give less of a fuck.

Yeah I find that hilarious too! Why would anyone care what some random MNer's husband thinks about...well, anything really?