Men on Mumsnet

[R2519]

Hi
I'm posting on AIBU, mainly for traffic, but will use the voting function to see what people think.

I am a man and have used MN for a few years now. I was a SAHD for our first child after doing shared parental leave with my wife. She wanted to go back to work and is the main earner so decided i would stay at home for another year. I am now back at work and our DD is in nursery. Anyway, i digress. I found MN to be hugely helpful when i was a SAHD. A huge wealth of information from other parents, mainly mums, on what to expect and how to deal with different situations. I genuinely found it invaluable.

This is where my question comes in......I am assuming that MN, as the name probably suggests, was created for Mums.....women, but i think its pretty common knowledge a lot of men use it too. Some like me, who are SAHD's or find it invaluable for parenting information but i am also sure there are some men who use it for questionable means (like the sex chat area for example).

So, my question is.......do women think men have a place on MN or would they rather men not use it?
Yes / IABU = Men have a place
No / IANBU = Would prefer men not use MN
(sorry, not sure the best way round for those)

Its a very general question i know but on the face of it i wondered if some women felt it was another example of men invading safe spaces, IYSWIM......I appreciate it may sound extreme but i was curious as to how people felt about it.

Finally, i know anyone can use any platform to give their opinion (providing its not illegal), I'm just curious to know opinions....from women and men too.

Thanks

Plus, why do men always seem to write the most prosy lengthy, talk-to-me-like-I'm-a-2-yr-old threads I'll never know.

As some posters on here are male and you don't even know it, you are just making huge assumptions.

@@sexnotgender
Thank you!

There are lots of posters who begin their thread by asking for the advice of specific male posters, PigletJohn being the obvious one. They don't seem to mind mansplaining when it is getting them free building and plumbing advice. (Sorry PigletJohn, you are very much appreciated by MN.)

I don’t mind women using mumsnet. Some are a little tedious and condescending but I just try and ignore it

😂😂😂

A few posters have very strong issues and are terribly bitter against the male population. They might have a problem with it, who cares.

Ooh shocking! Women have strong issues opinions and don't want to have to centre men all the time must just be "bitter"? And equating this to being a racist?

A few posters seem to have quite a problem with women who'd just quite reasonably like a space of their own once in a while. The vast majority of "normal" women want women-only spaces sometimes. Places where they can feel safe, relaxed, not have to worry about men prying, staring, taking over, telling them what to do.

Good for you if you are 100% happy to let it all hang out in front of men all the time. Other women aren't. And that's okay, no need to be snippy about it. Apart from our shared biology (and shared experiences as a result), women are all different.

Agree 100% with PPs who've pointed out that no one knows who is what online and so long as you're not a dick, and MN stays women-centred, all sorts should feel able to post.

(I didn't vote because I'm on the app.)

Reading some women who would prefer a small corner of the internet to remain a female space being compared to racists... I'm done. My god.

SomeOriginalUserName
You are in the wrong place if you want a female-only private club.
An anonymous PARENTING forum is not the place

The vast majority of "normal" women want women-only spaces sometimes. Places where they can feel safe, relaxed, not have to worry about men prying, staring, taking over, telling them what to do.
I must be lucky, I can be surrounded by men who don't feel the need to tell me what to do at all time

I don't know many people in real life who are so anti-male as some of the most bitter elements from MN. The vast majority of "normal" women have brothers, fathers, cousins, friends, male colleagues, doctors.... and live peacefully among PEOPLE, instead of being in a constant and exhausting gender war.

Good for you if you are 100% happy to let it all hang out in front of men all the time.
I don't need to let it all hang out in front of anyone whatever that means but thanks for the laugh

@StonedRoses

The sex forum is really creepy in my humble (Male) opinion. You can tell when it’s a bloke posting (which is most of them) without them starting ‘as a man....’ I suspect a fair few are there for the kicks

I agree. All the 'DW enjoys this' with lots of detail. I have the topic hidden now though so maybe it's got better.

If men want to be on MN, I definitely think there is a place for them . Same goes for people who aren't parents. It definitely isn't a place, just for mums.

Re being bitter against men? I suppose I write things on here which might sound bitter against the patriarchy, but not each individual man on the planet. I am married to a man, I know many men who I adore. My best friend happens to be a man. Not liking the patriarchy very much and wanting better equality does not mean I hate men at all. It's important not to conflate the two ideas.

ou can tell when it’s a bloke posting (which is most of them) without them starting ‘as a man....’ I suspect a fair few are there for the kicks

You do realise that some of those are female and do it just to wind up posters, don't you?

You should read discussions about MN on other forums, it's quite amusing

LadyPrigsbottom
Not liking the patriarchy very much and wanting better equality does not mean I hate men at all.

I personally would think that the best way to get equality is NOT to refuse to involve fathers in parenting or childcare...

I think its a really great place to chat and give /take advice TBH.I have children who are older, but am a SAHM at the moment .People who are on here dont all have children and thats fine too ! Its a good all round mix of people!

Do it just or wind up posters, right?

Oh I can see when someone is on the wind up...

Just to*

@JaniceWebster

ou can tell when it’s a bloke posting (which is most of them) without them starting ‘as a man....’ I suspect a fair few are there for the kicks

You do realise that some of those are female and do it just to wind up posters, don't you?

You should read discussions about MN on other forums, it's quite amusing

I can quite believe that. There's a lot of weird people on the internet.

@JaniceWebster

Sorry, did you think I said that men should be excluded from MN or indeed childcare? No, I'm sorry, I think you might be confusing me with another poster .

Men on here don't bother me at all, but as PPs say the whole "as a man..." posts are irritating. Especially when it's to do with women's looks.

LadyPrigsbottom
Oh sorry, I was actually agreeing with your post in general and adding to your point with my own view.

Of course you are welcome, the chat on here is far more interesting than an other web site and you can post on gardening, books, TV etc. etc, etc. as well as the parenting stuff.

Ah thanks janice, for clarifying

I have no issue with men on mumsnet.....althought there was man who accused me of gaslighting when I made a joke comment about one of my children. I was bit bemused and in truth felt like I was sat in my front room with my OH who does the same. I have never had a comment like that from anyone else on MN....odd

I quite like the pistonheads forum even though I don’t care about cars. I find their forum is equally as varied in its topics.

If you google asking for advice I find that those are the two sites that almost always come up. I enjoy knowing that mumsnet is predominantly women and pistonheads is predominantly men and comparing similar threads on the sites.

It’s a great platform for anyone really, even those who aren’t parents.

Personally I appreciate men’s input (particularly for relationship queries etc) as men often have a different perspective on things which I find very useful.

Who cares? Very few of the discussions have anything to do with parenting or about woman-specific issues. However it started out, MN has evolved into a high-traffic, general chat forum. If the site management change their rules I will leave without complaint but until then I will enjoy the discussions and join in as I choose.

A few posters have very strong issues and are terribly bitter against the male population.

Indeed some do and some can be very vocal and aggressive with it. However, everything has a reason and their dislike of men is almost certainly a result of them having been very badly treated by men in the past. I feel sympathy for them, because they are almost certainly victims of male mistreatment (which may well include abuse, sexual assault, rape etc) which is far too prolific in our society. Something for us men to think about before reacting against the "man-haters".