Men on Mumsnet

[R2519]

Hi
I'm posting on AIBU, mainly for traffic, but will use the voting function to see what people think.

I am a man and have used MN for a few years now. I was a SAHD for our first child after doing shared parental leave with my wife. She wanted to go back to work and is the main earner so decided i would stay at home for another year. I am now back at work and our DD is in nursery. Anyway, i digress. I found MN to be hugely helpful when i was a SAHD. A huge wealth of information from other parents, mainly mums, on what to expect and how to deal with different situations. I genuinely found it invaluable.

This is where my question comes in......I am assuming that MN, as the name probably suggests, was created for Mums.....women, but i think its pretty common knowledge a lot of men use it too. Some like me, who are SAHD's or find it invaluable for parenting information but i am also sure there are some men who use it for questionable means (like the sex chat area for example).

So, my question is.......do women think men have a place on MN or would they rather men not use it?
Yes / IABU = Men have a place
No / IANBU = Would prefer men not use MN
(sorry, not sure the best way round for those)

Its a very general question i know but on the face of it i wondered if some women felt it was another example of men invading safe spaces, IYSWIM......I appreciate it may sound extreme but i was curious as to how people felt about it.

Finally, i know anyone can use any platform to give their opinion (providing its not illegal), I'm just curious to know opinions....from women and men too.

Thanks

There's a lot of women on here who don't have children and some openly admit to never wanting any therefore not Mums.

Some women “openly admit to” not wanting children? You make it sound like that’s something to be ashamed of.

Mumsnet isn’t just for parents. MNHQ have said the site is for everyone who isn’t an arsehole (paraphrasing a bit).

Of course men have a place on Mumsnet. It's ostensibly a parenting site but is actually about much more than this and a significant minority are non-parents. I think having men on MN actually enriches the quality of the discussion.

As long as they respect the fact that this is primarily a female space and their posts should be informed by this to some extent, I am glad they are on here.

But a man using it for any other reason is odd

I don't see why. For example, I've got involved in the long-running threads about The Archers on the Radio Addicts board - it seems to be one of the best places on the web to discuss The Archers so why shouldn't I be there?

@leftovercoffeecake

This site has evolved. I don’t have kids. I come here because I like reading AIBU and cf threads. If I see a thread about pregnancy or a question about children, I don’t click it.

There’s space here for everyone.

Exactly this - there are several online forums I go on where the main subject of the forum does not relate to me but some of the threads/topics are interesting or relevant.

It's a parenting website first and foremost but there is a lot of non parent related content that lots of people might find useful or interesting. Just a for instance, there was a question this morning about whether or not people had used a mortgage broker.

I work in a female heavy environment - a hospital - so work with loads of women, day in day out. Except I don’t really see them as women but as people. Some I like, some I don’t so much. Some are helpful, some are frankly a bit annoying. Like on here perhaps?

I genuinely couldn't give a shit to be quite honest.

It's an internet forum and a public one at that. No-one knows whether anyone is who or what they claim to be anyway.

A few posters have very strong issues and are terribly bitter against the male population. They might have a problem with it, who cares.

Same thing with racists, who cares if they have a problem with non-white people? It's the racists who need to be kicked out, not the other way round.

I am always shocked by the need from some normal women to create men-free environment: swimming pool changing room, breastfeeding clubs, obviously!
But I belong to a few parental online groups, and at least one absolutely refuse to consider allowing "men". I don't get it..

My own DH was heavily tutted at in some baby groups and baby weight clinic because SOME women thought it was not suitable environment for a man obviously completely missing the fact that it was his baby too!

It's an internet forum and a public one at that. No-one knows whether anyone is who or what they claim to be anyway.

Exactly.

It's like people who sweep into a thread with "doctor here!" or "train driver here!" as if that's enough to give their opinion more weight than any other posters there when really any of us could claim to be anything and there is no way to prove otherwise. IMO the people who feel the need to announce "doctor here" or "train driver here" or "man here" are doing it because they want the attention their know it will garner.

Just post your opinion without the fanfare.

Am I a mum? Am I a dad?

Does it really matter?

I don't care. I do find "speaking as a man" replies hilarious though.

It's fine.Just don't talk about your periods.

I think for SAHDs, it must be a great parenting resource. And that's fine. But a man using it for any other reason is odd

Why?
I'd have thought men were just as likely as women to want conversation with other adults, there's tons of things unrelated to parenting on here from pet to holiday forums.

Exactly - but why exclude the parenting-related topics (other than those relating to pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding etc.)? For most of history, the word 'person' has been synonymous with 'man' and any woman wanting to participate has been viewed with very dim suspicion or derision; why would we want to do the same with the word 'parent' and assume that it exclusively means 'mum'? If you're specifically referring to mums, just say mums.

Excluding dads from general parenting discussions has the double effect of alienating the good, committed dads and giving the bad, feckless dads a perfect excuse why they don't need to trouble themselves in doing 'women's work'.

Every male would-be childcarer (whether a dad or not) viewed with automatic suspicion and excluded simply equals a whole lot more work and responsibility for women/mums to have to shoulder thanklessly alone, not to mention giving children negative ideas of what they are or are not expected to do in later life, purely based on their sex.

I think the voting button on this thread makes it really interesting.

Seems about 15-20% would like to not see men and 75-80% (including men) would like men to remain.

I am a bit of an oldie, and like to hear the views of a more modern man,and see if they compare to all the lovely men I knew in the past !

I don't have an issue with it generally. Having witnessed a male mansplaining the female orgasm to a female poster was a bit much tho!

I'd like it if MN had a women only policy in the sex topic.

So as soon as a poster gets bit thigh rubby they get banhammered

I prefer it to be for mums.

How would that be enforced @smeg?

Smegma,

Given your user name, that is surely a little ironic! How about a simple ban on posting inappropriately regardless of sex (which cannot be enforced anyway)?

I prefer it to be for mums.

Not women? Mums?

Men definitely have a place (as do many other groups)... although many of the convos are centred on the experience of women and that needs to be accepted as a given when joining in.

They annoy me when they constantly demand validation of their presence here - like they're some rare beings. Just shut the fuck up that you're a man and get on with it like the rest of us.

I don't start threads mansplaining my credentials as a parent and then asking whether single mothers are wanted here or not. Fucking get on with it.

Plus, why do men always seem to write the most prosy lengthy, talk-to-me-like-I'm-a-2-yr-old threads I'll never know.

To be frank, I come here for the vast knowledge. Not for the general camaraderie (as there is none) or for male input. Male input into my life has been nothing short of being utter cunts, so I try to avoid them as best I can.

If you get value out of the site - big swinging diddy - we don't need acknowledgement.

Excluding dads from general parenting discussions has the double effect of alienating the good, committed dads and giving the bad, feckless dads a perfect excuse why they don't need to trouble themselves in doing 'women's work'.

Completely agree with this as well, for clarity - men have just as right as women to be on parenting threads, as I said they're parents just as much.

I think having men on MN actually enriches the quality of the discussion.

How exactly? Have they some inspirational ideas that us women haven't thought of? Stop fawning over the compliment-searching men for God's sake.

but why exclude the parenting-related topics (other than those relating to pregnancy, giving birth, breastfeeding etc.)?

why should they even be excluded from those? Non-mothers are not excluded (should they want to join), and when it's about their own partner, they are just as entitled to participate.

No wonder so many women complain about the lack of support when so many women refuse to include "men"