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AIBU?

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Original poster

Spendthrift daughter

481 replies

Zizzagaaaaah · 01/07/2020 12:13

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

OP posts:
BBOA · 05/07/2020 10:42

£85??? Bloody hell! That's loads! I don't get that to spend on items like clothes and cosmetics and I'm the main earner!
Sounds like she's getting too much if she can't be arsed to walk into town and save herself a £10 each month on delivery costs.
Lucky girl if you can afford it!

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 05/07/2020 11:44

@BBOA do you spend that much though on clothes,toiletries,transport,lunches,socialising , presents and Netflix/Spotify?

BBOA · 05/07/2020 13:11

@comeonbabypopmybubble (sorry couldn't link it!)
Definitely not on myself - no!!!! On everyone else in my family, for everyone in the family, oh and petrol to work so I can feed, clothe and have a roof over our head...... For everyone! We aren't on the breadline thankfully, but I don't socialise in a going for lunch /meals way and can only afford to buy clothes with Birthday or Christmas money. Not a makeup /expensive lotions kind of a girl. That is all an aside though, and you are missing the point. This very lucky girl is being handed it on a plate. I'm working for it! This girl is very lucky to have that much allowance and if she can pay for delivery rather than just get it, as per my previous post, she probably doesn't have a grasp on reality financially, or has not had to suffer any hardship. That's all. My son would love an allowance like that, but way more than I can't afford.

As an aside, does she pay for her phone out of that OP?

BBOA · 05/07/2020 13:19

No 'race to martyrdom here' , just the usual divide on MN between the haves and have nots, which this type of post always reveals. Just life.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 05/07/2020 13:21

This girl is very lucky to have that much allowance and if she can pay for delivery rather than just get it, as per my previous post, she probably doesn't have a grasp on reality financially, or has not had to suffer any hardship.

OP said this started in April, when no one could "just" get it, especially not from clothes shops.

LolaSmiles · 05/07/2020 13:56

No 'race to martyrdom here' , just the usual divide on MN between the haves and have nots, which this type of post always reveals. Just life.
True, but I think it's more than haves be have nots.
There's some affluent families where I work and the bigger difference in how the teens view money and possessions seems to be between 'parents who teach their children the value of money, possessions and resources' and 'parents who don't teach their children the value of things'.

There are children I teach who get huge allowances, but save money, don't buy into labels and fast fashion, don't feel the need to have the 'it' makeup.
I have worked with children whose parents are very wealthy and they've been lucky enough to have a basic car and insurance bought for them (area where public transport was poor), but were expected to get a part time job if they wanted more than a modest allowance.

NellyBarney · 08/07/2020 13:58

Swap the Netflix account to an Amazon Prime account and get free delivery?

Ineke · 08/08/2020 02:13

Introduce her to Greenpeace and show her how the fashion industry is the biggest culprit in CO2 emissions, more than aviation and the oil industry together. Perhaps if she became involved in her and her planets future she wouldn't but clothes every month, or at least she may become more ethical in her choices. Age is not a barrier to action for climate change.

totorocatbus · 03/12/2020 15:39

I think everyone saying how shocking it is she is getting so much money really haven't done the maths! I don't think its a huge amount honestly. My 15 yr old gets £15 a week for school lunch and £10 a week for weekly bus ticket to school. She isn't expected to buy anything or pay for anything else from it. So if your daughter has similar costs then £85 a month is going to disappear quickly even without excessive delivery costs etc of the things she purchases. Jot down how much she has spent with excessive delivery charges so she can see it in black and white when you are not around. She prob gets a bit aggro if you try to actually tell her, as they always think they are all grown up! 🤣

Dontpasstovardy · 03/12/2020 15:40

Zombie

oldshoeuk · 03/12/2020 17:08

It's become too complicated now but our DC who were 12 and 9 at the time used to be in charge of the weekly shopping trip. There were lots of rules but basically they had £100, could buy whatever they wanted, had to buy what we specified and pocketed the change.

We saved a fortune, everyone stopped getting greedy and impulse buying and they were soon rolling in cash.

I'm all for giving them responsibility, after that their choices are they're priorities.

2bazookas · 03/12/2020 18:03

You have over indulged her and that's why she doesn't need to think twice about being careful spending it. For her, there are no downsides or consequences for being spendthrift. She has no inclination to budget or save because there's no need.I think you're beginning to see that being feckless, wasteful and irresponsible is going to cause her problems in the future. You're right. But don't blame her.

chocatoo · 03/12/2020 19:13

I am afraid she doesn't know the value of money. I would suggest you drastically reduce the amount she has and tell her to earn it if she wants more.

Brown76 · 03/12/2020 19:17

I don’t think £3.50 is an issue, it would cost me that to get to the shops on the bus and back

TicTacTwo · 03/12/2020 19:18

Zombie thread

malificent7 · 03/12/2020 19:21

When it clothes, teens are very self conscious...i really wouldnt care if my dd wants to spend £20 out of her own pocket money on a logo tshirt rather than a 5 pound one. However, i would give her less cash but don't control what she spends it on. One man's junk is another man's treasure ...or something!

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 03/12/2020 19:25

When she moans she has no money, help her to budget better. Get her to download a budgeting app, get on a student money forum, get some advice from people her own age on money management. Whilst it is up to her, she needs to learn or she will end up in debt.

Lovemusic33 · 03/12/2020 19:56

My dd is 16 and gets £10 a week. She rarely spends anything but i do buy her clothes for her, she’s not into expensive brands and just asks for clothes when she needs them (I get her a few branded bits for Christmas). She orders a few bits on line but she’s pretty tight with her money and won’t pay high postage for one item.

2bazookas · 03/12/2020 19:57

@totorocatbus

I think everyone saying how shocking it is she is getting so much money really haven't done the maths! I don't think its a huge amount honestly. My 15 yr old gets £15 a week for school lunch and £10 a week for weekly bus ticket to school. She isn't expected to buy anything or pay for anything else from it. So if your daughter has similar costs then £85 a month is going to disappear quickly even without excessive delivery costs etc of the things she purchases. Jot down how much she has spent with excessive delivery charges so she can see it in black and white when you are not around. She prob gets a bit aggro if you try to actually tell her, as they always think they are all grown up! 🤣
why not just read the OP before comenting? Her dd gets 85 per month out of which she pays netflix 5; the rest is for clothes/fun/makeup. Its pure pocket money

She does NOT pay for school lunches or bus.

AcornAutumn · 03/12/2020 20:01

@Tlollj

£85 a month just for herself is loads. Maybe if she didn’t have as much she would stop wasting it.
This

Bit too generous surely?

jessstan1 · 03/12/2020 20:06

I'd let her get on with it, she'll soon learn.

Is the £85 a month just for clothes, I mean does she have pocket money as well?

PimpleMoose · 03/12/2020 20:13

Is the £85 a month just for clothes, I mean does she have pocket money as well?
OP clarified that it's for everything. Bus fare, all clothes, toiletries etc.

Basically, everything an adult would pay except for rent/mortgage and food.

It's a good exercise in learning to budget but I think it's a bit stingy tbh.

PimpleMoose · 03/12/2020 20:14

Sorry, stingy isnt the right word because I don't know what OP can afford. It isnt a lot of money though.

Christmasfairy2020 · 03/12/2020 20:17

Tell her about amazon prime xx

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 03/12/2020 20:19

From 13/14, I received my family allowance, which was my clothing allowance/pocket money.... along with earnings from a paper round and Saturdays in Woolworths.

So it was a lot compared to my peers, however I do think it taught me really good budgeting and money management skills - but there is no way my mother would have gone through what I spent in such forensic detail.

If you want her to learn from the experience, I think you need to leave her to get on with it.