Spendthrift daughter

[Zizzagaaaaah]

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

I haven’t read above comments..these are just my thoughts ..I absolutely believe there is a culture at the moment for internet buying EVEN before COVID and it can be addictive!! People get a huge high from receiving their chosen purchase in the post .so be wary. Therefore it is Essential you help your daughter .. that’s the thought process I’d go down. I’ve had the same conversation btw! Good luck x

I got nothing from my parents, had weekend/holiday jobs.

I gave my teens £50 per month to spend on whatever they wanted. I bought their clothes, food, fares, phone, subscriptions etc. They're at uni now (pre covid) and get £80 per week for food and socializing.
They're really good at using discount codes, price comparison sites etc.
I think OP's daughter is doing fine, she probably ends up with up to a tenner a week after paying for lunches and fares , that's hardly being spoilt.

I would say she is being frugle. Why would you spend extra to get free delivery on something you may not want?

Nobody's suggesting spending extra, merely combining purchases into one, instead individually.

@BarbaraofSeville it's 6 orders but spread out over a few months. Clothes do sell out etc so it really is logical to buy it when you find what you want

@TheBusDriver

I would say she is being frugle. Why would you spend extra to get free delivery on something you may not want?

She can get multiple items for one delivery charge. Instead she is buying single items one at a time and paying delivery each time.

Omg. I couldn't cope with that.

I come from a country where teens don't work. Some start at uni, but not all.

The reason for this is the focus on education, long hours, afternoon classes as well as mornings etc. Tbh, the reasons are irrelevant.

What is relevant is that we don't have whole generations of young people unable to budget, living in poverty, still living with mum and dad. Some are independent,some aren't. Some are successful some aren't. Some are sensible with money some aren't and so on. There is no significant difference in outcome.

So the people wringing their hands that she'll never learn, has too much or she MUST get a job or she'll never be a functional adult are deluding themselves and it's either jealousy or some blind faith in the "done thing".

I mentioned your frustration to my 14yo. She tells me it's very difficult to find things in the Brandy Melvin website, so of course it's necessary to order one thing at a time because you won't find every thing you want at first.

She also said £3.50 on postage is nothing compared to the train fare it would cost to go to Brandy Melvin (is it even open? I know it was closed the week before lockdown) My DD did think buying bio oil from a more expensive place was silly, though. Apparently the best thing to do here is to tell your mum it's a necessity and unless the mother wants a daughter covered in scars/stretch marks then the parents should pay for it.

LynetteScavo, your daughter is a gem!

Lynette your daughter talks more sense than many mumsnetters.

Apparently the best thing to do here is to tell your mum it's a necessity and unless the mother wants a daughter covered in scars/stretch marks then the parents should pay for it.

Ha ha, your daughter is very smart and will go far. 🤣

£85.00 is far too much even if it is for clothes. You pay for her phone. How will she learn how to manage it if you dont show and explain it to her, teach her how to shop savvy, i think id be insisting she puts £20 away of it every month.

I'm astounded that you are giving her so much every month, especially as she has demonstrated she is frivolous and wasteful with it. Is she saving any towards driving lessons when she's 17 or are you expected to fund them too? Why isn't she doing a part time job if she needs new clothes all the time? I buy most of mine in charity shops, other than a new multipack of knickers and a new multipack of socks on alternate Januarys, and unless I need new shoes or boots when the old ones are no longer wearable, I don't spend £85 a year, let alone a month. She has no excuse for not earning her own spending money at 16, the supermarket where I work employs loads of 16 year olds.

£85 isn't 'way too much' when she buys her own clothes.
The shock from PPs is ridiculous.
I'd much rather a teen focus their full attention on their schooling over them getting a part-time supermarket job on top of studying (obviously only if affordable.)

I'd say let her learn from her mistakes. The multiple purchases (and delivery fees) is frustrating to you, but explain it once and then let her do what she thinks is best.
My parents were the same and I learned pretty quickly the right way to do things.

I see the race to the bottom has started again.

I don't spend £85 a year, let alone a month.

That's your problem.

@Alsohuman Couldn't have said it better myself. This place is the land of martyrdom sometimes.

@Alsohuman Couldn't have said it better myself. This place is the land of martyrdom sometimes.

She needs a job

@Barney60 so once you takeaway the cost of school lunch, toiletries and transport to and from school she will be left with 10 quid a week and you think that is too much for a 16 year old?

@Barney60 with your method she would have 5 pounds to spend each week

I don't think that's too much money at all
I did similar,didn't want mine working while at school Preferred them to focus on studying/sport

Do you ever sit and explain price comparisons with your dd? It’s wierd if she’s not picked anything up. My kids are pre teens but they do price comparison before buying anything, ask me to look for offer codes etc (and they have a fair bit of cash too!). They’ve grown up with me muttering about supermarkets trying to rip me off with so called offers etc and something has sunk in

I don’t think £85 is excessive, especially if she buys school lunches every day. normally my ds spends about £2.50-£2.80 at school per day? Maybe she’s treating herself to clothes as she’s a bit more flush in lockdown. I think people have been a bit OTT about the amount.