Spendthrift daughter

[Zizzagaaaaah]

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

Are parents really expected to give their dc that amount of money these days? Do 16 year olds not have weekend jobs any more? I feel really out of touch (and slightly worried as I’ll have a 16 year old in a few years!)

@tiredanddangerous

Are parents really expected to give their dc that amount of money these days? Do 16 year olds not have weekend jobs any more? I feel really out of touch (and slightly worried as I’ll have a 16 year old in a few years!)

A lot of the jobs round here that would have been done by teens (pre-covid) are now being done by older people.

The amusement park, for example, is traditionally where most local teens get their first job. They have a lot of 60+ staff the last few years.

Even our paperboy (paperman?) is in his 70s

@tiredanddangerous depends on your area but yes it can be tricky

I have four teenagers, if I did that for all four kids I’d be paying well over £400 a month!

My kids have a phone, they have Spotify on a family account and shared Netflix/Amazon. They have birthday money and at the most £30 per month from me for chores + phone each. When they’ve spent it it’s gone. £85 is extraordinarily generous IMO 😳

lilstarr99

It’s all relative. To some, the £30 a month you give your kids would be too much, others could give £200 and not notice. One of the reasons I didn’t have more than 2 children was financial.

@Zizzagaaaaah

Just out of curiosity, does this clothing brand have a - pay once (i.e. £7.99) to have free delivery for the whole year?? Like Pretty Little Thing or Nasty Gal?

Agree with the whole bio oil. TBH you have to let her spend the money you give her the way she wants to. It’s her money!? She might get a job and still do the same with the money she earns. Some people think it’s worth it not having to walk down the road for £3.50.

As long as she doesn’t start complaining about how little money £85.00 is.....then you just have to let her figure it out.

Sometimes children do not want to do what their parents suggest even if it’s benefits them. Forget children, some adults are the same :0)

Don’t let her know it gets to you. You’ve showed her once how she can spend her money more wisely. No need to repeat. She knows and you’ve done your job as a parent.

Once she sees it doesn’t bother you, she’ll probably listen to your advice.

@lilstarr99 I assume you pay for school lunch and transport

My kids have a phone, they have Spotify on a family account and shared Netflix/Amazon. They have birthday money and at the most £30 per month from me for chores + phone each. When they’ve spent it it’s gone. £85 is extraordinarily generous IMO

But you are paying for Netflix and Spotify and probably their school lunches and transport and probably still buy them some clothing + give them £30 per month.

When you add it up you are probably giving them something not far off the £85 per month.

It could be £40-50 per month is spent on getting to and from school and lunches

Oh god this thread has made me realise how easy ds has it.
His college travel is free and he takes packed lunches because he’s a fussy bugger but he gets £200 per month for clothes and away days for football which cost around £60-80 a go. There are usually one or two a month and he has a season ticket for the home games ( premier league team ) and myself and his dad pay his phone contract. We are separated and have been since he was 2. He is now 17.

I buy his toiletries, he has sky Q in his room and Xbox subscriptions all paid for plus gym.

He is good with money though and buys quality clothes. He sometimes works for his dad for £10 an hour but not very often as his sixth form college discourage working a lot.

He has to prioritise what he wants and I believe he was getting a lot more some months. Football is a very expensive hobby but he loves his team and loves travelling to the away games with his friends. I’m shocked some kids his age get £10 a week.

@Zoflorabore stealth boast of the day, congrats

She is 16? She should have a job to pay for her own luxuries!

@Marahute it's not always that easy. A lot of jobs that used to be done by 16 year olds are not available anymore depending on where you live

I don't know why you're giving her anything tbh, I never got pocket money just things at Christmas or the odd 20 quid to go into town to the cinema ect. I moved out at 17 and have been working and at uni ever since paying my way, tell her to get a Saturday job when this is all over

🤦🏻‍♀️

Maybe the OP doesnt want her dd to move out at 17 @Anon0998

@Porcupineinwaiting when on earth did I say she did?? I was simply pointing out that she needs to encourage independence by slowly encouraging her daughter to get a job once lock down is over. Learn to read.

And @Porcupineinwaiting cheers for insinuating shame on myself moving out at 17. I moved out due to being violently attacked and having to leave my a levels due to mental health then gaining a scholarship to a foundation diploma at a Russell group uni but yano

As long as you don't top her up if she runs out, what's the problem? She's got to learn to budget for herself. And if she wants that one t-shirt straight away and considers the £3.50 worth it for the convenience, that's her decision.
As an adult I definitely overspend one some items for ease/convenience and save elsewhere to make up the difference. It's not necessarily an irrational decision.

@Anon0998 it didnt sound by your first post as if your parents/guardians treated you very well. Your second post confirms they didnt. It's great that you managed so well but really you shouldn't have to have been fully self supporting at such a young age, you deserved better.

I completely agree! I still think £85 a month just for spends is too much.

Mine is a blended family situation. I didn’t ‘choose’ to have four children. I have two, my partner has two and we all live together. I count them all as mine and now we’re here wouldn’t have it any other way.

I wouldn't stress about it. She'll work it out herself. The main thing is that you make it crystal clear that you aren't going to cough up more when she wants money for something else. In fact, I think that what you're doing is great and because it's a reasonably generous amount, it's reasonable to say that she can use this sum for her clothes, makeup and social activities. A great lesson in budgeting, and all she's doing is making mistakes from which she'll learn - providing you do not give her more if she pleads.

@Zizzagaaaaah

So many answers

I'm sorry I should have said at the beginning - the £85 covers everything
Bus, Socialising, ALL Clothes, toiletries, She buys lunch with it as well

She also has to buy birthday / xmas gifts out of it.

We don't have family netflix, only she does, she also pays occasionally for spotify (we don't have a family account for that either)

I've just been looking through some of the comments here - seriously judgemental. My kids are adults now and very responsible with money - and we had a similar system to yours. Our mantra was "We'll help you if we see you help yourself". They made their mistakes too, but turned out OK in the end and I'm sure your DD will too.

OP, there's nothing wrong with £85. I remember, at 15, being given £100 a month to manage similar expenses. It didn't stop me from getting a job at 16/17 or being responsible with money.

I think you should leave her be. Do NOT top up when she runs out. If she asks you to, just remind her (as a throwaway comment) that she was wasteful. Don't dwell on it though. She will soon learn, or decide to get a job to increase her money.

holy cow - when i was 16 i got zero from mum. i got a job stacking shelves while i did my gcse's. we werent hard up, mum just didnt believe in giving us an easy ride. she's pretty spoilt getting that much without earning it so of course she will fritter it away. once she has to work for it she will most likely be far more careful.

If you can afford to give that amount of money to your child every month, good for you. However, regardless of how much you do give her makes no difference, she won't learn the real value of money until she starts earning it herself.

My son was exactly the same, he loved a bit of Ralph and would wear nothing but calvin boxers. He now has his own place and wears unbranded t-shirts. Didn't we all go through this phase?

I understand the worry, she will learn, as long as she doesn't get herself into some nasty debts.