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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are men like this?

92 replies

MadameBee · 30/06/2020 23:59

So I am a 45 yr old women feeling like shit about my looks right now. Always felt pretty attractive but recently in lockdown put on weight - was a 10/12 now 12/14 I would think.

Today blow dried my hair and everything and felt ok about myself.

Popped out of the office to get a sandwich from Tesco and a loaf of construction workers were in there swarming around the sandwiches and one of them was like eyeing me up (I thought wtf I am old enough to be your mother) and he signalled to his mate who loudly said “what the fuck mate? I have had toe jam that looks better than that”.

I left the shop without getting batting but was swaying between crying or punching him.

OP posts:
Euclid · 01/07/2020 00:00

Perhaps I am innocent but what is toe jam?

I would have hit him.

Original poster
MadameBee · 01/07/2020 00:01

Like the shite that collects between your toes when going don’t clean them.

OP posts:
DDIJ · 01/07/2020 00:05

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Eckhart · 01/07/2020 00:06

The question is, why are you like this? He was horrible. It doesn't matter why. But why are you letting it bother you? That really matters, because he's not doing anything to you right now, and you are choosing to linger in a place that hurts you.

Beketaten · 01/07/2020 00:09

That's disgusting behaviour and I'm sorry they upset you. They are clearly just stupid and cowardly schoolboys.

Were they wearing anything that identified their employer, or do you know what site they were from? I'd ring or email the company and complain, most construction companies are working really hard to end the bad reputation of their workers in terms of harassing women. Even if they take no action, it might feel good to get it off your chest.

PickAChew · 01/07/2020 00:09

Was he the supreme God of all manhood? Unless he was the supreme beautiful specimen, I'd treaf him with the contempt he deserves. Even if he was extremely easy on the eye, I wouldn't be particularly forgiving of the absolute arsehole persona.

parentofteen · 01/07/2020 00:12

You know what, despite the horrible comment, one of those guys thought you were attractive enough to mention you to his friend. Not everyone is to everyone else's taste, and the second guy happened to be a cunt. Don't focus on him.

Sparklesocks · 01/07/2020 00:17

His mate thinks he’s funny and wants attention from his friends but he’s not witty or clever enough to be good at that, so he sinks to dragging others down and taking shots at their appearance. People like this are weak and insecure, desperate for approval. They’re losers - as hard it is, they’re really not worth the room in your brain.

tangledhair · 01/07/2020 00:19

Because there are some nasty thick gits about looking to pick on women they have no chance of and they know it. Wipe it from your mind OP.

CrazyToast · 01/07/2020 00:32

It does hurt but he is just an idiot, its not anything to do with how you do or do not look. Think no more upon such twattery.

Original poster
MadameBee · 01/07/2020 00:48

I know I should have risen above thinking about it.

To be described like that just made me feel shitty

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 01/07/2020 00:57

Means "I know I couldnt pull a rotten tooth out of a dead horses head, so I make myself feel better by slagging off women who are waaaaaay out of my league"

When anyone says shit like that its all about them, not you Flowers

eugh · 01/07/2020 01:01

He's just a prick who was showing off in front of his mates , class clown who isn't actually funny, just needs to put others down to make himself feel better!

Thanks
tangledhair · 01/07/2020 01:04

I've just read the thread "To ask if a stranger has ever been nasty to you" in AIBU. It is absolutely awful the things strangers can come out with and the effect it has. Hope you feel better after a sleep OP, I bet you looked great.

Original poster
MadameBee · 01/07/2020 01:12

I have really struggled in lockdown with my mental health as I think most people have and have posted in this name and others about confronting how I was sexually exploited as a teenager.

Just made me feel like absolute shit.

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 01/07/2020 01:27

The man was just stupid and rude, pay no attention.

For1dayonly · 01/07/2020 01:28

The men you met today are immature twats with no sense, the one who made the rude comment I hope he catches his penis in his zip or somewhere similarly painful.

managedmis · 01/07/2020 01:29

But, see, there are too many men like this. Most women have an example of this happening to them.

They would NEVER have said that to a man.

EarlofEggMcMuffin · 01/07/2020 01:38

People are always, always talking about themselves.

That is, whatever words come out of their mouths, reflect what's going on inside their heads; and bears little-to-no relation to who you are.

Think about that OP.
Would you say something similar to anyone?
Why not?

So, the words he used, are about him. His envy, his anger, his jealousy.
Nothing at all to do with you or your appearance.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 01/07/2020 01:45

I believe in the dog poop metaphor.

When you are going about your daily business, occasionally you step in dog poop.
There is no point taking it personally, the dog poop is just dog poop and would have just as nauseating a stench whoever stepped in it.
There is no point pointing out to the dog poop that it is dog poop, it knows and is happy with its status in life.
There is no point arguing with the dog poop as it is dog poop and as such has no intelligence.
There is no point coming up with a witty riposte to the dog poop, because it is dog poop and won't appreciate or understand the witty comeback.

All you can do is wipe the dog poop off your shoe and go on your way while it is left to become a rotting pile of fecal matter.

I am very sorry you had to deal with the consternation of finding out that yes, they can actually stack shit that high, but I am a lot sorrier for his girlfriend/wife, or God help us, children.

Also, he gets his sexy on with toe jam. So Ew.

Diverseopinions · 01/07/2020 01:58

The brilliantest one ever was the recent one about mother-in-law 'Jean' being asked to child-mind poster's brother-in-law's kids for free throughout lockdown, and being taken to task by them for not putting enough serious effort into supervising remote learning homework. Most posters were 'team Jean' tee-shirt wearers and were thrilled she'd told the parents (with their important high-powered jobs) where to go.

notangelinajolie · 01/07/2020 02:07

Sorry these dicks upset you. But YABU not all men are like this.

Changethatlockandkey · 01/07/2020 02:21

He is just an absolute revolting pig playing for the laughs of his friend. It’s not personal to you or any reflection on how you look. It’s a line for laughs by a ignorant unthinking buffoon who has delusions he is witty. I hope you can put it from your mind.

MissPiggee · 01/07/2020 04:15

@MadameBee

So I am a 45 yr old women feeling like shit about my looks right now. Always felt pretty attractive but recently in lockdown put on weight - was a 10/12 now 12/14 I would think.

Today blow dried my hair and everything and felt ok about myself.

Popped out of the office to get a sandwich from Tesco and a loaf of construction workers were in there swarming around the sandwiches and one of them was like eyeing me up (I thought wtf I am old enough to be your mother) and he signalled to his mate who loudly said “what the fuck mate? I have had toe jam that looks better than that”.

I left the shop without getting batting but was swaying between crying or punching him.

@MadameBee, am so sorry. What an arsehole!

I hate when men do this. They sem to think it is just lad's banter but it is really rude and hurtful.

Knobs.

chocolatemademefat · 01/07/2020 08:05

Don’t waste another thought on him. How insecure must he be to try for cheap laughs from his friends at the expense of a stranger. You had the class not to retaliate. There will always be low life’s like him - that’s just a fact.