Why are men like this?

[MadameBee]

So I am a 45 yr old women feeling like shit about my looks right now. Always felt pretty attractive but recently in lockdown put on weight - was a 10/12 now 12/14 I would think.

Today blow dried my hair and everything and felt ok about myself.

Popped out of the office to get a sandwich from Tesco and a loaf of construction workers were in there swarming around the sandwiches and one of them was like eyeing me up (I thought wtf I am old enough to be your mother) and he signalled to his mate who loudly said “what the fuck mate? I have had toe jam that looks better than that”.

I left the shop without getting batting but was swaying between crying or punching him.

@Beketaten

That's disgusting behaviour and I'm sorry they upset you. They are clearly just stupid and cowardly schoolboys.

Were they wearing anything that identified their employer, or do you know what site they were from? I'd ring or email the company and complain, most construction companies are working really hard to end the bad reputation of their workers in terms of harassing women. Even if they take no action, it might feel good to get it off your chest.

For fuck sake. Was it a nasty, unpleasant comment? Yes. Was it necessary? No. Was the OP physically injured by it? No. Does someone deserve to potentially lose their job over it? No. Could the speech stasi please stand down. You do not empower women, you weaken them.

@tangledhair

Questioning our own insecurities is one of the main keys to resilience and strong, healthy boundaries. Encouraging OP to explore this is not 'turning it on her'. It's support that will make a difference, if OP chooses to act on it. If she can work out why it bothered her so much, she will be better able to support herself next time someone expresses a negative view of her.

'There there, sweetie, he was just a little twat' will make no difference to her future, or her opinion of herself, and, in my view, is patronising.

I would have said something to be honest.
'Alright Tom Hardy, oh sorry, got so confused then'

A majority of 86 per cent currently showing the OP is not being unreasonable.

A majority of 86 per cent currently showing the OP is not being unreasonable

I was one of them.

Was that directed at me? Having tagged you, I assume it's a response?

I saw the tag Eckhart thanks but thought there was no need to respond.

Eckhart, if you'd actually taken the trouble to read the OP's posts you'd have seen that the reason she is vulnerable to this type of behaviour is not exactly a mystery, either to her or to those of us with basic reading skills.

She already knows that she has struggled with her mental health having been sexually exploited as a teenager. We know she knows because she told us. She doesn't need to revisit that part of her life.

What she needs is for not more men to behave in a way that reminds her of the shit(s) who ground her down in the first place.

If you want some solidarity, OP, come over to this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3953798-to-ask-if-a-stranger-has-ever-been-nasty-to-you

You are not alone

He KNEW you looked good, but couldn't bear the thought of you knowing it. God forbid you should think that highly of yourself It was an attempt to put you down, because he knew he wouldn't stand a chance. Oldest trick in the book.

For fuck sake. Was it a nasty, unpleasant comment? Yes. Was it necessary? No. Was the OP physically injured by it? No. Does someone deserve to potentially lose their job over it? No. Could the speech stasi please stand down. You do not empower women, you weaken them.

can we stop with the Stasi references - it is nothing like the Stasi.

Building companies don't like being brought into disrepute by this kind of catcalling and most have a process for deailing with it which doesn't involve someone losing their job - but does involve warnings about what will happen if they get more complaints from the public.

Women don't have to suck this shit up and nobody should be telling them, effectively, that they do.

He is a cunt.

My standby response for this is 'wow, you must have a small cock.'

I am sure you looked lovely op. Please don't listen to them.

Two things -

1. There is a reason why they are buying sandwiches, swearing and eyeing up women in Tesco and it is nothing to do with home-cooking, balanced lifestyle and being capable of having great relationships.

1. You have just invented the perfect collective noun for a group of builders, scaffolders, construction workers etc. It is up there with the best of the rest :

A Troop of Baboons
A Cackle of Hyenas
A Loaf of Construction Workers

@Brefugee

You are right. Construction companies are trying to move away from the negative sexist image they once had. If I were the OP, I would complain. And that's not something I'd ever do lightly.

He did it to take the piss out of his friend rather than as a reflection of you. Men love this kind of "banter" that completely disregards the feelings of those drawn in to it. You could have been Kate Moss he still would have said what he said

He was just showing off to his mates some men do this.
After all how could he ever hope to know someone as lovely as you ?
Just ignore this moron.

You've hit the nail on the head I think birthdaybelle. It wasn't about the op. All these sorts of men care about is the opinion of other men. So hurtful for the op, but they don't care about that, because she is a woman. Arseholes.

Awful blokes who try to make themselves feel better by putting down women. Men who do that are insecure and have something wrong with them.

If they were wearing stuff that identifies them as which employer they work for then definitely report it. I reported a load of blokes having a row on their site in public using the C word over and over again while mums with kids in pushchairs walked past. Reported and the lot of them were fired.