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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums is refusing to talk to me

196 replies

BabyGirl66 · 30/06/2020 11:36

not so DM is refusing to talk to me... because I did one splif of weed last night. Mum is extremely anti weed. She has said on many occasions that she would be extremely upset if it was legalised and would not visit Canada (once her dream country to visit) due to there legalisation laws.
She keeps saying that the government has it criminalised for a reason.

She is furious that I (20) have done it and is being highly unpleasant to be around.

AIBIU to think that mum is overreacting

OP posts:
FlabbyPirate · 30/06/2020 13:08

This is the most ridiculous post I have read, you know your mums thoughts and beliefs on this subject and whilst living under her roof chose to rub it in her face by going home, regardless of where you smoked it.

PS. As an LGBTQ+ person I can assure you that the example you used is totally pointless, being gay isn't a choice, smoking weed is.

Whilst I am not against it, I am also not for the legalisation of weed either.

Twigletfairy · 30/06/2020 13:12

You know how strongly she feels against it, yet you went home smelling of it and obviously under the influence of it. Not sure what you expected really.

Whether it's better or worse than tobacco or alcohol is irrelevant. You know it's weed she has a problem with yet you went home smelling of it. If you're so big and grown, make sure you don't smell of it and sober up before you go home. Doesn't take a genius.

BiBabbles · 30/06/2020 13:16

The medical studies that show evidence it helps certain conditions were mostly conducted under medical supervision with a specific strain. Unless you're smoking weed under those conditions, what certains studies say isn't relevant to you. It's like using research on the benefits of LSD as an excuse to drop acid and ignore the laundry list of studies that show the many risks or if someone was to say they're drinking wine "for the health benefits". It's BS justification, there are plenty of ways to get those benefit from cannabis products that don't involve coming home giggly.

My older kids are aware that while I support legalization with appropriate structures in place, I do not want to see them high, drunk, or otherwise under the influence of recreational drugs. I respect them enough not to be so in front of them and I'd like them to give me the same. I don't care when they're old enough to be out of sight as long as they're safe, but I grew up with both parents smoking weed regularly and had to deal with drunk and high kids as a teen - I will be very happy if I'm never around pot again.

I would find it really fucked up if knowing how I felt they walked in high. I wouldn't shout about prison, I don't think that's how self-medicating like that should be handled, but I'd be very upset and repeat again that I don't want to see them like that and it would be a while before I could discuss it calmly.

PotholeParadise · 30/06/2020 13:17

@AryaStarkWolf

Probably best off not doing it while you still live in her house, but I honestly don't see the big deal. Unless she's anti alcohol then she doesn't have a point imo
1) Trading standards. Legally produced, regulated alcohol is not mixed in with all kinds of other fibres so the dealers can sell as little cannabis for as much as possible. It's unrestrained capitalism. Whatever the health risks of alcohol, I will not be drinking laundry liquid in with it.
  1. Employment legislation and human rights. Businesses have to comply with them. Do you think the people in the drug supply trade are getting minimum wage, breaks, sick pay and access to an HR department to report sexual harassment and intimidation from their bosses?

I buy fairtrade products whenever possible. For the sake of human rights alone, I would never buy illegal drugs.

Dixiechickonhols · 30/06/2020 13:19

Move out pay your own bills do what you want. Live with her her rules. I used to do mental health tribunal work 20 years ago. The number of people your age sectioned as a result of weed triggering underlying conditions has always stayed with me.

Cherrysoup · 30/06/2020 13:20

No I did it in the woods, about a 5 minute walk away.

Classy. You can give any reason you like for saying smoking drugs is good, you aren’t going to convince your mum. Have the decency to respect her wishes and keep it more discrete. In the woods, like a rebellious teenager, bloody hell. Confused

Xiaoxiong · 30/06/2020 13:20

I am likely to sound like a spoilt brat

Yes, yes you do! Points for self-awareness, at least Grin

musicposy · 30/06/2020 13:22

Some people seem to overreact and get hysterical about drugs. Yes @musicposy. Looking at you for saying you’d throw your dd out for smoking a joint. Bet your kids are just better at hiding stuff from you.

You’d be wrong, then. We’ve had lots of mature conversations around drugs, none of them involving hysteria. I specifically said my stance was completely aside from my feelings on drugs.

But if I’ve made clear my stance on anything over which I feel strongly (as the OP’s mother has), and have specifically said it’s not to happen in my house, I would kick them out if they don’t follow those rules.

They are entitled to choose to do whatever they like as legal adults, but they don’t have the choice to do that under my roof and stay under my roof. This is no different to my oldest DD who rents her own flat and has a much longer list of rules to abide by than she ever had living here. If she breaks them and the landlord finds out, he will evict her.

This is the point I’m making to the OP. Her mum has stated her feelings on drugs. The OP is quite free to ignore those, but if she wants to be guaranteed a place there until October and some student loan support, she’d be wise not to.

arianwe · 30/06/2020 13:24

Her not talking to you etc is a little over the top, but really it just shows that she loves you and cares for you and doesn't want you getting in to any sort of drugs.

Undercovermuvver · 30/06/2020 13:25

FFS we all done it at that age. How old is your Mum? I am 51 and certainly wouldn’t do it now but wouldn’t tell my kids off if they tried. (If they became big time stoners/addicts, that’s different).

MitziK · 30/06/2020 13:26

Are you dependent upon her to finance you at all at university?

If you are, try being slightly less of a twat to her, as she could easily withdraw any funding on the basis that you'll spend it on weed. And there wouldn't be a thing you could do about that.

Weed doesn't improve anybody's ASD. It doesn't improve anybody's personality, either. It makes them think that. Because they're stoned.

Marrying 9 year old girls off to strangers was legal once. It's now illegal. A man raping their wife is now illegal (only in recent years, mind). Buying morphine over the counter was legal once. It isn't now. By your reasoning, just because it's illegal now, that doesn't mean it isn't OK.

Tell her you're sorry and you won't do it again whilst you live under her roof. Hopefully, she won't chuck you out and cut you off.

(Said as a fully grown adult who has smoked in the past. As an adult. With her own money, own home and ability to make stupid choices all of her own).

Marylou2 · 30/06/2020 13:27

Old and boring person here. Would be so disappointed if my DD was smoking weed in the woods. Grow up.

laurenlodge · 30/06/2020 13:27

@Undercovermuvver ...and how do you think big time stoners/addicts start off?

Small risk sure, but all addicts start somewhere.

BeautifulCrazy · 30/06/2020 13:27

You sound extremely immature. Your arguments and ways of justifying things are ridiculous.

Your mum doesn’t approve of weed. If you’re going to smoke it, stay at a friends house until the effects have worn off.

Pinkyyy · 30/06/2020 13:28

FFS we all done it at that age
No. I don't think you as an individual can speak for what everyone 'done' at that age. Regardless, she had no right to bring the stink and the effects of illegal drugs into her mother's home. Especially not whilst giggling like a child.

Dixiechickonhols · 30/06/2020 13:30

Mums shout when they are upset and worried (eg shouting at toddler who has run off) You sound very young and immature. Risky behaviour - drugs in woods with 2 other high people, Visibly under influence - giggly, anyone could take advantage. Not safe behaviour anything could happen to you. Not good risk assessment on your part. You seem very hung up on the it’s illegal but not wrong part. Even if it was legal your mum is entitled to say my house my rules - don’t come back drunk, Don’t shag your boyfriend in your bedroom etc - alcohol and sex are legal but upto your mum if happens whilst you live there. Uni isn’t really leaving home you will still need somewhere to
live half the year and possibly a financial contribution from her. What is plan B if she says leave tomorrow.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 30/06/2020 13:30

Personally I haven't tried weed..

PymChurchBeach · 30/06/2020 13:31

My brother aged 19 does it regularly and my mum hates it. TBF I would also hate it if my own son did it.

StressedMom4 · 30/06/2020 13:31

Sorry @BabyGirl66 but I'm really uptight about drugs so I vote YABU.

Your mum did over reactive with the screaming but maybe that's because it was such a surprise to her that you'd gone and smoked one.

And it stinks. Like eugh, the smell of weed is disgusting.

Unfortunately people who smoke weed do have a stereotype about them and being a 20 year old sneaking off to the woods doesn't help your case. Your arguement for smoking weed is it can help certain medical issues, and that may be true and you also may suffer from one of those issues. But the reality is, you didn't smoke it for your medical issues, you smoked it because your friends do.

I think you should apologise to your mom, tell her you respect her opinions but you've got to form your own.

Please make good choices and don't give in to peer pressure when you go off to Uni.

Marble2302 · 30/06/2020 13:32

Your 20 and smoking weed in the woods... you need to grow up.

heartsonacake · 30/06/2020 13:32

FFS we all done it at that age.

@Undercovermuvver Excuse me, no we all did not, and I would never—at any age—associate myself with anyone who had.

Don’t equate everyone as having made the same poor decisions that you have.

annabel85 · 30/06/2020 13:33

She's right. It's illegal. You're a criminal and funding organised crime.

Deathraystare · 30/06/2020 13:34

The psychological effects, but to be fair I do understand them, I just think there any wrost then alcohol or normal Tobacco. There is also evidence that cannabis can help people with certain medical conditions, including ASD which I have.

There are also lots of people that end up on psychiatric wards due to smoking weed.

My friend's son for one.

GabsAlot · 30/06/2020 13:34

i think theres some ott responses here people should lighten up one spliff wont hurt her

youre mum stating she wont go to canada because of the legalisation s also ridiculous they dont make you take it if you visit ffs

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/06/2020 13:34

Lord save us from whiny bloody kids....

If you are an adult and can make your own decisions then fine, make them in your own home, paying your own bills. Stop showing such disrespect to the woman who is housing you and (even if you do pay board) is subsidising your life.

Oh and good luck with the rest of your life if 5 minutes of your mum being to angry to speak to you then yelling at you once is enough to upset you. I've always been a bit Hmm at people who claim that this is generation snowflake but I am beginning to see where they are coming from now.....