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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums is refusing to talk to me

196 replies

BabyGirl66 · 30/06/2020 11:36

not so DM is refusing to talk to me... because I did one splif of weed last night. Mum is extremely anti weed. She has said on many occasions that she would be extremely upset if it was legalised and would not visit Canada (once her dream country to visit) due to there legalisation laws.
She keeps saying that the government has it criminalised for a reason.

She is furious that I (20) have done it and is being highly unpleasant to be around.

AIBIU to think that mum is overreacting

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyGirl66 · 30/06/2020 11:58

I am moving out (to uni) in October, so not long.

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 30/06/2020 11:58

It doesn’t matter why your mum is against it, the fact remains that she is, so if you’re staying under her roof you abide by her rules.

DaphneFanshaw · 30/06/2020 12:03
Hmm
RedRed9 · 30/06/2020 12:03

If you’re moving out in October then it’s hardly a hardship for you to be respectful in her house until then.

Hadjab · 30/06/2020 12:04

Don’t smoke weed in or around your mum’s house - it’s disrespectful.

That said, your mum seems slightly over the top....

FlibbertyGiblets · 30/06/2020 12:04

Say sorry, reiterate that it won't happen again, be contrite, hopefully it'll blow over if you smooth things along from now til departure.

ConstanceSalinger · 30/06/2020 12:06

Are you sure you are 20? You sound like you're 15.

  1. It doesn't matter what your Mum think because you're a disrespectful child.
  2. You don't sound like what she said upset you anyway.

Respect the house rules, have some self respect.

rottiemum88 · 30/06/2020 12:07

Nothing wrong with your mum being against something that's illegal. You also shouldn't underestimate the potential psychological impact of cannabis; drug induced psychosis and correlation of drug use to development of paranoid schizophrenia are both very real. The fact that cannabis is sometimes prescribed medicinally is irrelevant in your case, as you haven't been prescribed it. Ultimately you're an adult and once you've moved out of your parents home your actions are your own to control. I think you owe your mum some respect to her feelings and rules while you still live under her roof.

Cramitmaam · 30/06/2020 12:09

You did a spliff, eh? I've heard that even snorting just one spliff can make your head explode. And don't even get me started on the dangers of injecting spliffs... please stay safe. Don't do anymore spliffs.

DaphneFanshaw · 30/06/2020 12:11

We just used to smoke em in my day Cram
These youngens...

augustusglupe · 30/06/2020 12:13

I’m with your mum. When my DD did this I was fuming too. She’s 10 years on now and older and wiser. You’ll grow up one day and realise why your mum is so angry/upset.

AdobeWanKenobi · 30/06/2020 12:14

I'd be so so proud as well if my daughter was slinking around woods doing drugs. Thrilled in fact.

THisbackwithavengeance · 30/06/2020 12:15

I hate weed as well. Disgusting stinking drug which fucks up minds. I wouldn't associate with anyone who I knew smoked it either. It pisses me off when people on here and in RL bang on about how smoking weed is a victimless crime and no worse than a glass of wine etc.

OP, educate yourself. Read up about the gangs of Vietnamese and Albanian men, women and children who are trafficked into this country to work in weed houses. They are forced to work, cannot leave due to debts of thousands of pounds owed to traffickers. The traffickers by the way are the kind of people who would saw your grandmother's leg off if you don't repay. If you smoke cannabis bought from a dealer you are directly lining the pockets of evil scum.

Wyntersdiary · 30/06/2020 12:15

To be honest you do sound very young, not very mature .. going and smoking weed in the woods :S sounds like something a 16 year old would do with there mates.

I think your mum is over reacting a little but i do think you need to be careful because yes weed can be dangerous.

PAND0RA · 30/06/2020 12:17

What @THisbackwithavengeance said.

musicposy · 30/06/2020 12:20

OMG I’d kick you out right now, there’d be no staying there until October. And yes I have a DD your exact age living here so that isn’t idle talk.
In your shoes I wouldn’t be being annoyed with her, I’d be apologising pretty damn quick and hoping she’s kinder to you than I would be.

This is completely aside from my stance on weed by the way. She doesn’t agree with it, you know that, you’re living in her house, you still did it. If you were my DD you’d now be hoping those great friends would be willing to put you up.

Maybe bear in mind that she no longer has to have you there if she’s doesn’t want to.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 30/06/2020 12:20

Your mums silence towards you is telling you everything you need to know...she is hurt,.upset, angry and disappointed in you.I would be too..bloody grow up!

Z0rr0 · 30/06/2020 12:22

You were miffed at your mum behaving like a mum and came on Mumsnet to ask a group of (mostly) mums whether they would also react like a mum. Grin
But yeah. In the scheme of things what you did wasn't that big a deal, but any landlord has rules which you agree to abide by. Your mum has made her position clear. It's only going to lead to aggro if you chuck that back in her face.
Not speaking to you is childish. I had a mum who would blank me for days if I messed up and it was awful.
But maybe she is trying to avoid a big row, or maybe she is trying to work out how to handle this. Maybe she feels very disrespected but doesn't want to fall out with you when she is about to lose her baby to uni and probably has HUGE emotions about that.
Everyone is struggling in lockdown. We have to rub along as best we can. Going out to get stoned and then breathe fumes on her when you know how she feels isn't a great look, is it really?

Warsawa31 · 30/06/2020 12:22

Why didn’t you stay outside for a bit to let the smell wear off? You are an adult and you can do what you want but not whilst being supported by your mum. If you are using your age as a way to say that you should be able to do as please - I agree - but don’t eat her food, Stay dry under her roof, wash with her water and live in her house and then demand adult treatment.

Pinkyyy · 30/06/2020 12:23
Hmm
woodhill · 30/06/2020 12:23

I'd be really upset too, just don't do it OP. Not worth risking your health

OchonAgusOchonO · 30/06/2020 12:24

@BabyGirl66

I think the reason that mum is against it so much are the two following reasons:
  1. It’s illegal. If something is illegal in her eyes it will always be wrong (even if there is evidence to suggest otherwise. I reminded her that 30 years ago it would be illegal for me to have sex with another girl (you had to be 21 till 96 I believe) is that wrong? Tbh she didn’t answer.
  1. The psychological effects, but to be fair I do understand them, I just think there any wrost then alcohol or normal Tobacco. There is also evidence that cannabis can help people with certain medical conditions, including ASD which I have.
Most of the research on medical benefits, harm etc were conducted with weed, hash etc that was less strong than the stuff that is commonly available now. Weed has got much stronger and the research on this stronger stuff has not been done, so really, we have no idea whether it is worse than alcohol or tobacco in terms of long-term effects.

Secondly, the fact it's illegal means that you have no idea what you are ingesting. It may be laced with other drugs or cut with substances that you would not want to take. Either way, the hygiene standards when producing it are nowhere near those used for alcohol or tobacco. I like to know that proper hygiene standards are used to produce anything I ingest.

Flyingagainstreason · 30/06/2020 12:26

It’s totally fine to smoke a bit of weed if that’s what you want to do outside the house.

It’s totally fine for her get upset about it.

Adante · 30/06/2020 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Georgielovespie · 30/06/2020 12:27

What is your university's stance on drugs? Mine was you got kicked out, which happened to several students who couldn't abide by those rules.

For those who smoked it back int he 60s and 70s the cannabis grown today has a different chemical composition which is why there are more cases of psychosis from smoking it. There was a documentary on this a few years back.

For me, it is illegal, surely if you get caught you will have a criminial record which would need to be declared on job applications and visas for certain countries. It doesn't make you cool it makes you an idiot. You are supporting a horrific chain of people who grow and supply it.