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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The new parents next door

266 replies

Littleblackdress04 · 29/06/2020 21:01

I might have forgotten (or blocked out) what it’s like having a new baby but the poor thing screams day and night- and it’s waking me up most nights as I can hear it through the walls (new build houses)
Anyway, at the weekend baby was screaming so we put on glastonbury on TV partly to drown out the noise- not super loud or anything at about 6pm Saturday afternoon.

They were straight round after 10 mins asking us to turn it down as it was upsetting the (constantly screaming) baby. We did turn it down a bit but it honestly wasn’t at rave levels or anything! Bit of Foo Fighters so maybe a bit of bass.

Aibu to feel a bit pissed off? It was 6pm on a Saturday & honestly I don’t want to have to listen to the baby ALL the time. We have to live our life too in our house!

I don’t want to cause a neighbourly dispute and I am sympathetic to their lack of sleep but surely baby also has to get used to a bit of real life. And sure enough, I was woken up again at 3,4,5am with constant crying.

Aarrggh!

OP posts:
TurquoiseDress · 30/06/2020 20:05

YANBU OP!

I'd be pissed off if a neighbour came over to complain about TV noise if their baby is screaming the place down day & night.

When our DC were tiny, when we saw neighbours we'd always comment & slightly apologise about our crying newborn.

If a neighbour put loud music on at 2am then that's another matter!
We would definitely say something in that context.

A crying baby at 2am is not comparable to purposeful loud music at 2am.

TV on loud at 6pm? I don't get where the parents are coming from, sleep deprived or not!

TurquoiseDress · 30/06/2020 20:07

Have now read the first several comments hmm you're getting a bit of a hard time!

The negative comments appear to suggest you need to just suck it up.

I don't get it, you and your family need to get on with your lives too, not tiptoe around for the sake of your neighbours!

TurquoiseDress · 30/06/2020 20:08

For your neighbours, the world does resolve around their newborn baby.

For you and the rest of the world, not so much!

Davincitoad · 30/06/2020 21:05

Your music sounds loud

Rosebel · 30/06/2020 21:55

Glad my neighbours are decent and don't think it's okay to blast their telly out. I like the way OP decides to insult people who have dared to disagree. Why don't people just say only respond if you agree with me as I will not accept I'm unreasonable!?

cyclingmad · 30/06/2020 23:46

It really depends on how thin the walls are, if I was to watch tv at a normal level where I can hear what is being said then I end up annoying my neighbour as he turns his t up louder

So guess what I now do, watch tv with su titles on....do you even think that is normal? Should anyone have to watch tv with su titles on because if they watch it at a normal level the sound is too much for the neighbour

cyclingmad · 30/06/2020 23:47

Subtitles*

AnnaBanana333 · 30/06/2020 23:54

@Rosebel

Glad my neighbours are decent and don't think it's okay to blast their telly out. I like the way OP decides to insult people who have dared to disagree. Why don't people just say only respond if you agree with me as I will not accept I'm unreasonable!?
She responded to some absolutely ridiculous responses that were in no way sensible or reasonable. I'm sure she has taken on board the less batshit comments.
ottermadness · 01/07/2020 00:29

Same but it was my oldest. For me, your post wins Mumsnet tonight 👏🏼 Thank you.

p.s. I quiver even now just thinking about the screaming, and screaming, and screaming. Thank god all she does now is chat , all. the. time. 🤦🏻‍♀️

ottermadness · 01/07/2020 00:31

@TheGroak

What do you want them to do About the baby exactly? This is very obviously your real grievance.

My youngest screamed all evening. Fuck knows what was wrong with her but come 5.30pm she was off on one until at least 10pm if not later. She screamed in the house, in the car, in the pram, in the sling, you name it, she screamed at it. Then she grew out of it but it took a good 4 months. That tiny tyrant nearly tipped me over the edge. I thought I was going mad. If a neighbour had passive aggressively whacked Foo Fighters up loud to drown the out screaming, I probably would’ve lost the last piece of shit I was desperately clinging on to.

Put a cake or a tin of coffee through the door OP. Choose to be kind.

I was trying to quote this above 🤦🏻‍♀️
FlyRobinFly · 01/07/2020 00:46

@StealthMama WTF! Give them a break from what, exactly? Watching her telly in her own home? Christ alive. Baby is 8 weeks old and this is the first time the neighbours have ever raised any kind of issue with her, clearly they haven’t had the slightest problem with her until now! Just because they’ve had a baby doesn’t mean OP needs to alter her own habits or go out of her way for them. A gift is nice but she doesn’t owe them anything else.

Definitely some people projecting their own bad neighbour experiences onto the OP here. She’s getting a really undeserved battering.

AllesAusLiebe · 01/07/2020 01:33

I agree with a couple of previous posts re consideration from both sides.

My DS was really pretty terrible as a newborn and did cry a lot. DH and I would take him out in the car, we put his cot on the far side of our bedroom away from the adjoining wall and when he woke up during the night (often hourly) if I couldn't settle him quickly, I'd take him downstairs. It's not difficult to have a little empathy with how miserable it is for your neighbours to be listening to a crying baby.

If my neighbours would have turned their TV up at 6pm, I'd have thought that they were just bloody sick of hearing DS and I'd wonder whether I could do more to make things more bearable for them. I certainly wouldn't have asked them to restrict their enjoyment of their home still further.

Brefugee · 01/07/2020 08:05

Still waiting for someone to explain how you stop a newborn crying.

and yet absolutely NOBODY on the thread has said that. Not one. Especially not OP, who hasn't even mentioned the baby crying even when the knob neighbours complained after 10 minutes of TV

this place is strange.

Cadent · 01/07/2020 08:52

YANBU. It’s like they resent the world hasn’t stopped because they’ve had a baby.

Sorry weirdos descended on your thread OP.

elessar · 01/07/2020 08:56

Good grief, of course you are not being unreasonable OP.

There's a lot of responses deliberately misreading the situation here.

You've been very reasonable, and they are NOT being reasonable. However you should have pointed this out when they came round.

Carry on living your life normally, if they complain again at perfectly reasonable activities then speak to them at this point and explain that whilst you understand it's very difficult with a newborn, there needs to be some give and take and you're understanding of their situation but they need to accept a level of normal family noise from your side too.

Randomname85 · 01/07/2020 08:59

Sounds like they’re having a really hard time. They can’t help it if their baby screams all the time. Definitely sounds like a collicy baby. Do you have any experience with babies? The nicest most neighbourly thing to do really would be to knock and see if you can offer any support not turn up Foo Fighters Hmm

Cadent · 01/07/2020 09:02

@Rosebel

Still waiting for someone to explain how you stop a newborn crying.

As Brefugee asked, still waiting to hear who said you can?

therealkittyfane · 01/07/2020 09:05

You have done nothing wrong OP.
You didn’t go to them, they came to you.

You have been a tolerant kind neighbour.
You haven’t complained or knocked on their door.

They don’t seem to understand that noise travels in both directions and they need to accept that. The world does not revolve around them.

therealkittyfane · 01/07/2020 09:10

@Rosebel
Still waiting for someone to explain how you stop a newborn crying.

The OP hasn’t asked the neighbours to stop the crying. She hasn’t complained about the noise either.
The neighbours however seem to expect OP to tiptoe around without a sound.
TV on at 6pm And they come knocking on the door.
They sound awful OP.

Porcupineinwaiting · 01/07/2020 09:15

I think YABU - not in putting the music on but not to (politely, calmly) defend your right to it when challenged. That said, did your neighbour actually "have a go at you" or did he ask you nicely to turn it down?

Jboure · 01/07/2020 09:18

Yanbu,

They should make more of an effort to take the baby out if the house in the car or a pram to give the neighbours a break.

I do think you missed an opportunity when called around around and that is when you could have explained how their baby was affecting your enjoyment of your own home.

Cadent · 01/07/2020 09:18

Yep I agree @Porcupine. Far too many people don’t speak up and then ruminate afterwards.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 01/07/2020 09:20

Some of the comments on here are absolutely crazy. I can’t believe people have seriously suggested that you (and presumably your partner and your children) should all sit around wearing earplugs or listening to music through separate sets of headphones at 6pm! That sounds a lot of fun for you and your children...

As far as I can see you haven’t once been unsympathetic towards the parents, or implied that they need to ‘make’ the baby stop crying. I think all you’ve done that is unreasonable is to not very politely point out to your neighbour that if they can hear your music then you can hear their baby and family noise from both sides is to be expected.

locked2020 · 01/07/2020 09:22

If your music was only as loud as you say, then I don't think YABU. I say that as a mother of a baby. Give and take and normal living noise.

Wecandothis99 · 01/07/2020 09:25

It's not the baby it's disturbing, they probably tried to nap after being up all night and couldn't because of the music, which is def annoying but tough shit basically

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