Putting his hands around my neck... 3 strikes and you’re out?

[Smellbellina]

He has done it twice so far, only left red marks. I have told people, they have asked I call police and given me details of a solicitor. I have a 3 strikes option in my head, this was strike 2, I have told more people this time (including his family) mine don’t like my position but accept it and have offered to pay for a solicitor.
3 strikes, AIBU?
I haven’t name changed for this as I don’t see why I should, it’s not my dirty secret to keep.

So he knows that next time he does it it's over. So next time he has nothing to lose.

You are saying 3 strikes as an excuse not to leave. I am concerned that you won't leave next time, you'll find another reason.

You need to talk to a professional about what's happening and your thought process of accepting it and waiting for it to happen again and again.

Please leave OP.

He is a very dangerous man.

If it was your friend or family member would you tell them to give their partner three strikes ? You know the right answer here OP.

You shouldn’t have given him the opportunity to do it a second time. This is a huge red flag. I’m not being dramatic when I say that the next time he could kill you! Please get away and keep yourself safe

I think you're probably scared to end this abusive relationship, as you know that process in itself will bring a world of shit upon you. And that's why a 'third strike' seems the easier option.

But for your safety's sake you have to do it, even if it means leaving your home. You mustn't tell him, as that is too dangerous. Can you go to your family temporarily?

Shit.

Your poor DD

Please please please leave this abusive monster.

Once is one too many
Why wait for three ?!

Christ alive, in front of your daughter??? I hope for all your sakes that someone else calls the police or social services. I mean you do what you want, but to allow this in front of your child?

Once is enough. Get out now. The next time he could kill you. Don't take the risk.

Men who kill their partners often kill the children as well.

He has put his hands around your neck with force enough to leave marks. This is non-negotiable, you can't wait a 3rd time. This man sounds terrifying and violent, you must leave as soon as it is safe to do so. God knows what would happen if you knew you were leaving him. You must leave

You know what you need to do. Please take a deep breath and don’t prolong the inevitable. Can you really see yourself growing old with this person as your partner? There has to be a better option out there which doesn’t involve fear and pain.

Even if you can’t bring yourself to leave to protect yourself do it to protect your DD she is being exposed to terrifying violence & you are shaping her expectations of her own future relationships.
Get your DD out

The third time he may kill you. One strike and he should have been OUT.

What's keeping you with him? What's stopping you leaving?

Honestly? I don’t want to go in rented accommodation again. I want to be able to stay in the house we own with our children and without the fear of what he might do next. But I don’t know how to achieve that. When the chips are down you lots of parents choose a roof over their children’s heads and a situation they hope they can ‘manage’ over unreliable housing I think

Well he could kill you next time but other than that 3 strikes sounds like a great rule 🤦🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️.

He did it infront of DD10!

If you stay you are a BAD mother.
You know what he is capable of and you say you know he'll do it again. What is this you are showing your DD? She will think this is ok. She will resent you or she will follow in your footsteps.
Leave him right now and pray you have not traumatised your DD too much.
This isn't even about you - do what is best for the kids. Crazy.

Well, you're abused. That's what's wrong.

But you still have choice, even though your head is fuzzy from the gaslighting.

You know what you have to do, you just have to do it.

Is this guy your child's father?

www.mobileodt.com/blog/taking-your-breath-away-why-strangulation-in-domestic-violence-is-a-huge-red-flag/?doing_wp_cron=1593209044.1341769695281982421875

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-human-equation/201910/the-most-concerning-sign-domestic-violence%3famp

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.policyforum.net/red-flag-homicide/amp/

Oh op you're daughter saw this......
Could you imagine if she came to you as an adult and told you someone was violent to her.......

Good men don’t do that. Plus you are teaching your Dd that it’s ok to be treated like that. Do you want her to perpetuate the cycle.
I’m sorry to sound harsh. I spent a year scared my sister was going to die at the hands of her DP. Fortunately she left. In the middle of the night, with nothing.
Call the police, leave.
Realize you are worth more and deserve to be treated with kindness and love.

You think there will be a next time. I think you're spot on. Go stay with family.

A previous girlfriend of my husband's was murdered by another man - a friend of them both - who strangled her "by mistake". Please, please don't stay, OP. You got lucky twice, you might not be lucky next time.

I think you need real life professional support to understand the risk you and your Dd are in. It’s ok to know the theory - you say that you’ve advised other women about domestic abuse - but the reality is that you have been abused and he will have manipulated you and undermined you so that you are in your current position of feeling like you can’t or won’t leave yet.

Mumsnet isn’t enough for you, please call Womens Aid or your local council may have a support line for Domestic Abuse. Just do that one thing and take things step by step. If you can’t do it for yourself then do it for your Dd - there’s no question that her emotional and mental health is being harmed by witnessing this. Next time you could be dead. Call them tomorrow.