Putting his hands around my neck... 3 strikes and you’re out?

[Smellbellina]

He has done it twice so far, only left red marks. I have told people, they have asked I call police and given me details of a solicitor. I have a 3 strikes option in my head, this was strike 2, I have told more people this time (including his family) mine don’t like my position but accept it and have offered to pay for a solicitor.
3 strikes, AIBU?
I haven’t name changed for this as I don’t see why I should, it’s not my dirty secret to keep.

You are doing really well.

The best thing is, I am not sad.
Through all this I am not worrying about him, I am not secretly crying (unlike last time) I am not wondering how I could have done things differently, or need to ‘manage’ things now so as not to upset him.
MASH called today and they are happy I am acting ‘protectively’ and can sort contact. U asked the oldest two if they had an idea how they would like that to look. One had an idea, the other is not interested.
We had a lovely night tonight listening to music and talking.
This was not the worst incident, but it was the last. I feel so free!

What a fantastic post Smellbellina! So great to read.

Yes, that was the last incident. You never have to go through that again.

You are a complete shero

I'm so glad to hear that smell.

Next time you have a wobble read your last post!

These are the first couple of weeks of the rest of your life!

Oh great to hear your update, Smellbellina..... It sounds like for now things are not too overwhelming and you are starting to experience the freedom and sense of safety you deserve. That is wonderful and so richly deserved! Make sure you hold onto that. Your whole life awaits!!!

I’m so pleased that after your wobble, you are feeling free.

Are you in contact with a local charity or agency that supports people who have survived domestic abuse? They will "get it", and they will be able to provide lots of support, and probably free counselling for you and the children.

Just checking in.

I've been thinking about you.

The best thing is, I am not sad

That's the second best thing. The best thing is that you're safe!

So glad you're doing well and the kids are feeling positive@Smellbellina.

Have you approached the council re housing? They have a statutory duty to house people fleeing DA, although sometimes the housing they offer initially won't be as good as where you are now. It could make you a high priority when it comes to getting housed though.

Thank you for your messages, I really am doing ok, better than I would ever have imagined to be honest.
I have spoken to housing, I have an appointment to speak with someone in a couple of weeks. I also need to sort out a solicitor re the house we ‘co’ own.
Struggling to find somewhere that will accept us all on my budget but I’ve made lots of enquiries and am keeping my fingers crossed. I really need something sorted by September.
Other than that I’m just happy to finally be out off it, properly out of it, not just physically but emotionally too.
I am a little worried about him, but I saw my neighbour recently and they are keeping an eye on him so that’s good.

That all sounds really positive! I think specialist dv services will be able to help you with things like housing especially at the moment with covid etc.

I know it's easy to say but you have to stop thinking about his welfare as anything to do with you. He is an adult who had the skills to live before he met you and still does now, if he chooses not to engage them that is not your concern because you have other people (children pets etc) and yourself to focus on.
It is highly unlikely that he will allow himself to actually come to harm but if he does there are others around to get him help if really needed.

How are things going Op?

One strike should be out. You give him one chance, you’re excusing it and making it acceptable. Two strikes? Three strikes? Ten strikes? Dead and you’re out, sorry if that’s harsh. Lose him, take the freedom programme, rally a support network.

@Emmelina

One strike should be out. You give him one chance, you’re excusing it and making it acceptable. Two strikes? Three strikes? Ten strikes? Dead and you’re out, sorry if that’s harsh. Lose him, take the freedom programme, rally a support network.

Oh @Emmelina 814 messages later and no one said that and the OP has done nothing So lucky you have come along to add your advice - have a

Ps try rtft next time - you might find it informative
Pps the OP is doing great and lots has moved on

I have had a call back from DV Assist today, really helpful! Fingers crossed they are going to help me apply for a non-mol and occupation order (which I had thought wasn’t even an option so that’s quite something!)

That sounds brilliant. Good luck with it!

Good news Sounds positive

I am so pleased to hear your update and that you are out of the immediate situation. Wishing you all the very best - it will get easier.

This is all brilliant news, Smellbellina - I am so glad things are coming together.

I am so so happy you are safe and taking the steps to build a new life. Really awesome- thanks so much for updating us! We care and are cheering you on!

Nice one! Great news! Keeping fingers crossed on your behalf

Every new post sounds more positive than the last.

I'm keeping all my fingers crossed for you!