AIBU to cry every time I top up with formula?

[Hiphopopotamus]

I’m sure I am but I think my hormones are still all over the place (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)

I’ve got a four week old DD. When we were in hospital my milk took a couple of days to come in and DD was jaundiced, so the midwife had me topping up my breastfeeding with formula after every feed to clear it out.

We’re now four weeks on and I’m desperately trying to stop the top ups as I really want to EBF. We’re no longer topping up after every feed but how much formula she has varies. Sometimes it’s just one small 70ml bottle at night, sometimes up to 3 or 4 70ml bottles spread throughout the day. I really try not to give it unless I have to but for example this evening, she’s been doing her ‘I’m hungry’ cry but not managing to stay on the breast so then I use the top up so she gets fed.

The actual breastfeeding mostly seems to be going well - some days I really feel like we have it cracked and she is a good latch and seems satisfied after feeds. But every time I have to top up it just absolutely knocks my confidence in my ability to breastfeed her. I’m also so worried that it’ll become a vicious circle and that my supply will never reach her demand due to the top ups.

I just had to give her a formula top up and I just cried afterwards which I know is probably so stupid but I really just want to be able to feed her from the breast exclusively, and I feel like such a failure for not being able to.

So AIBU to feel this way? And does anyone have any advice on how to wean off the formula top ups in a way that won’t leave my DD dehydrated or hungry.

have you tried expressing and then top ups could be breastmilk rather than formula? The more formula you give the less breastmilk you will produce

Be kind to yourself. You're doing a great job and probably exhausted

I was rubbish at breastfeeding and I'm sure my PCOS caused issues with milk supply. I tried for 4 days with my first baby and 7 days with the second. Both failed to thrive so I bottle fed them formula. Guilt was inevitable but it was best for all of us to formula feed. No sleep, lots of stress etc.

What makes you think she still needs it? Your body makes more the more she requires so you may find it resolves quicker than you think. Alternstively express and top up with that.

Have you tried expressing between feeds? Increase your supply? I used to wake at 6 and feed on one boob express off the other , this was the best amount I could get and that bottle would be in the fridge for the last night feed which oh would do. When I wanted to increase my supply I would express off the non used boob after each feed. The more you feed/express the more you will produce :) hope this helps

I actually started expressing today - I know you’re not really supposed to before six weeks but I thought it might help to try and match what she needs - I managed to express about 2oz in about a 20 minute session

You are not a failure OP, the first few weeks are really hard. Your baby is not hungry and that's the most important thing. Expressing after feeds even if you don't manage to get much milk out can help up your milk production and slowly wean her off formula.also try feeding her before she starts crying, if she's too hungry she will probably choose the easy way which is the bottle

Without wading into a formula v breastfeeding discussion.. if its upsetting you so much can you express some milk so you don't have to use formula? That way you're still keeping up supply for the feed. Yanbu by the way, I felt the same and it felt wonderful when we were fully breastfeeding because that was my goal.

sorry cross posted OP. Keep at it with the expressing. You're doing brilliantly

Couldn't read and return
YADNBU
Not going to (totally) bore you with my bf journey but was devastated when I couldn't EBF my eldest and was so upset every I had to make up a bottle
Then fed my younger DC no bother
20 years down the line it doesn't seem to have made any difference
I know that will not make any difference to you now so urge you to speak to your HV or GP for advice and help and please be kind to yourself

Please try not ro get upset, you are feeding your baby and meeting your babies needs. Dont beat yourself up about it.

If its any consolation, I BF & used formula, for the childminders but I BF until DD stopped herself, which was 2 long years.

Looking back it was bloody bonkers (for me) as she woke every 3 hours to be fed. I was a lone parent, working 5 days, very poorly but I felt it was right, I also felt so so exhausted with my illness.

If I had my time again, I would put my sanity first, and I would have given her formula every night to fill her up.

Sounds like your stuck in a top up trap cycle. You need to move more milk to produce more milk. Try more skin to skin and putting her to the breast more frequently.
The first 6 weeks were tough for me for breastfeeding, mine wanted feeding every 30mins!

I've not heard that you're not to express before 6 weeks. I had to express in hospital (similar issues to you - jaundice, not gaining quickly enough to clear it, sleepy baby) and continued doing so to give top ups for baby's first few weeks. Feeding an expressed bottle, then expressing again after every feed was bloody hard work for a while, but it helped build my supply and meant I could avoid formula.
Don't beat yourself up about the formula though. If it helps her gain weight, it's worth it.

Be kind to yourself. Breastfeeding doesn’t work all the time. Carry on with breastfeeding, or don’t. Formula is not poison. You will look back in a few years and this won’t matter. It’s early days and you can get help and carry on trying but please don’t beat yourself up if you need to stop.

I tore myself apart when my baby was young, trying to feed, topping up, expressing. I read every resource on cluster feeding, skin to skin, read everything on analytical armadillo, googled for hours and hours. It wasn’t working for me and wasn’t ever going to and I tried for far too long to the detriment of my child’s health and mine.

Woah you're being super unreasonable being this hard to yourself.

You're feeding your baby and I'm sure she is thriving all because of you

It seriously doesn't matter how you feed her but if you don't want to give her formula then don't, keep latching her own and express and top up with breast milk bottles if you have to.

You can pump from day one if you want to, haaka is really good at catching the letdown on the other side and it's like free effortless breast milk

Good luck and please be kind to yourself

Have you tried speaking with a lactation consultant / breastfeeding support worker? I wouldn’t want to advise you to stop top ups without knowing you or your baby but it can be a bit of a vicious circle in that the more top ups you give, the more it will interfere with your supply. If breastfeeding is going well and baby has a good latch then you shouldn’t need to top up.
What is making you think you need to? It is perfectly normal for a baby to breastfeed for hours on end in the first couple of months - especially in the evenings and doesn’t necessarily mean they are not satisfied on your milk.
Please don’t let yourself get stressed out by this. It seems all important right now but ultimately, as long as your baby is fed and healthy, how that is achieved will not matter this much when you look back on this time. On the other hand, experience tells me that health visitors and midwives can be quick to recommend top ups rather than take the time to offer proper breastfeeding support. Not blaming them - resources are massively underfunded. However, you sometimes need to fight hard to get the support you need if you want to breastfeed exclusively and unfortunately in the vulnerable post birth period, many women don’t feel able to do this.
Finally - don’t be too hard on yourself. You are doing an amazing job and your baby will have benefitted from all the wonderful nutrients in your breast milk. A little bit of formula to top up won’t undo all of that. X

Whoever told you not to pump before 6 weeks was wrong. Your supply only goes up with demand. I had to pump after every feed and then use that to supplement at the next feed for the first 6 weeks.

Consider using an sns instead of a bottle
For the top ups.

Expressing is actually a really good way to increase supply.

Breastmilk is all about supply and demand - that’s why babies cluster feed sometimes for hours on end(!) because they’re telling your boobs they need more milk.

If you feed baby fully on each breast until they’re soft, and then express afterwards you’re telling your body you need more milk.

The absolute best way to increase supply is to get in bed for a couple of days, eat absolutely shit tons, drink 2-3 litres of water, and keep baby with you at all time’s and just feed, feed, feed. Keep your top off for skin to skin.

Feeding at night as much as you can also stimulates milk supply (I know it’s knackering!) but that’s when prolactin is produced which is the hormone responsible for milk production. A couple of nights of lots of feeding should get your supply up.

Aw bless you OP! Some advice I was given at the start of breastfeeding (almost 13 weeks in now) is that sometimes your baby will fuss or seem like she’s still hungry when actually she is getting enough. She may just have wind or she may be sucking for comfort or she may be cluster feeding to boost your supply for a growth spurt. If you just keep feeding her whenever she seems to want it (sometimes this can go on for hours!) your supply should sort itself out— that’s what I did and my supply is now definitely sufficient.

In the kindest possible way, yes you are YABU.

When I was pregnant I was totally convinced i would be able to ebf my twins. Things didn't work out quite as expected. When they were born they had low blood sugars and had to be given formula to prevent possible seizures. I never really got back on top of it from that moment forward, although managed to make sure they had at least some breast milk every day until 6 months.

I felt very guilty about relying on formula to top up. I wish I had been kinder to myself and realised that formula is still nutrient dense, not rat poison.

Be kind to yourself

Hi OP,
I know exactly how you feel, my baby is 10 weeks old and I exclusively pump for him due to major latch issues and I am still trying to get him to feed. I am an undersupplier which is much more common then you would think so have to give him 3 bottles of formula a day and he gets 3 bottles of breast milk. I also feel like a complete failure in not being able to breast feed him and also not being able to produce enough to feed him just breast milk.

Please don't beat yourself up, you are doing amazingly well to beast feed your baby and as time goes on you should be able to reduce the top ups because your baby will become more efficient at removing milk from the breast.

Babies often cluster feed in the evening. Both mine were on and off the breast from about 6pm until 10pm and it's not necessarily about them being hungry it's more about comfort so although they seem fretful and hungry it's more that they want to latch on to feel safe.

In terms of being dehydrated and hungry just check that she is doing plenty of wet nappies as that tells you that she is getting enough fluid and if she is rooting then let her feed. Up until about 6 weeks babies feed all the time, it's constant and I don't think woman are warned about this. I'd suggest you have a duvet day tomorrow and have lots of skin to skin and cuddles and just feed when ever you can. You'll feel more connected and less anxious about it.

Why don't you give La Leche League a call and talk to someone as they are so helpful. Best of luck and also 4 weeks is often when you feel quite wobbly so be nice to yourself x

If you can find a local support group they may have some kind of online support or Facebook group. I’d do what we refer to as ‘topless tv time’. Forget everything else for a couple of weeks. Get a good box set on the go, keep baby to your bare chest and just feed feed feed. Get your partner (if you have one) to bring food and drinks. If baby is having lots of wet and dirty nappies and is no longer jaundiced there isn’t much to worry about. She will cluster feed, she will feed and be hungry again an hour (Few minutes) later. This is a normal part of establishing b/feeding and it won’t be forever. She has a good latch, you have no pain I presume. She seems satisfied after her feeds. You ultimately need reassurance that you can make enough milk for your baby, the main one being plenty of wet and dirties. Establishing breastfeeding is so hard but very worth it. If you want to keep giving some formula there is nothing wrong with that, perhaps a bedtime bottle would be the way to go. But if you want to EBF, you absolutely can. There are a few really knowledgeable posters on here who I hope will be along shortly.

Also if baby has a good latch you have a big hurdle sorted. You’re more than halfway there, just need to get through the cluster feeding stage. Good luck op.

Cut yourself some slack - it has been absolutely roasting this week so chances are she is thirsty more than hungry which is understandable and not at all a reflection on you, your body, your capabilities, your milk, anything, apart from the fact it is hot. Just make sure you are drinking enough.

Also, why aren't you supposed to express before 6 weeks?! Genuinely haven't heard that before. I was told to pump straight away - still in the ward, 2 days after giving birth the nurses gave me a breast pump to try.

Don't beat yourself up. I topped up with both formula and expressed milk to begin with then later managed to ebf. Just keep trying. Always offer breast before bottle so the baby is suckling harder than if she'd had a bottle.

Good luck 💐

I had to top up ds due to losing weight. I didn’t really bother expressing and had got rid of all top ups by 12 weeks.
I bf a lot, at first sign of hunger, did lots of skin to skin. I think I got rid of the nighttime top ups first as I’m too lazy to make up bottles. He did wake up more frequently to bf but that actually increased supply. Then I just stopped the day time top ups one at a time over a few weeks. When he was hungry I just sat and fed him. I did use a dummy to stop the comfort sucking and ebf until he was about 7 months old when it was back on the top ups because I was exhausted and my milk supply couldn’t keep up as he wasn’t eating any solids as he had problems weaning. He stopped those top ups about 9 months when the solids started going better and he had his final bf about 10 weeks ago at 2 years 9 months