AIBU to cry every time I top up with formula?

[Hiphopopotamus]

I’m sure I am but I think my hormones are still all over the place (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)

I’ve got a four week old DD. When we were in hospital my milk took a couple of days to come in and DD was jaundiced, so the midwife had me topping up my breastfeeding with formula after every feed to clear it out.

We’re now four weeks on and I’m desperately trying to stop the top ups as I really want to EBF. We’re no longer topping up after every feed but how much formula she has varies. Sometimes it’s just one small 70ml bottle at night, sometimes up to 3 or 4 70ml bottles spread throughout the day. I really try not to give it unless I have to but for example this evening, she’s been doing her ‘I’m hungry’ cry but not managing to stay on the breast so then I use the top up so she gets fed.

The actual breastfeeding mostly seems to be going well - some days I really feel like we have it cracked and she is a good latch and seems satisfied after feeds. But every time I have to top up it just absolutely knocks my confidence in my ability to breastfeed her. I’m also so worried that it’ll become a vicious circle and that my supply will never reach her demand due to the top ups.

I just had to give her a formula top up and I just cried afterwards which I know is probably so stupid but I really just want to be able to feed her from the breast exclusively, and I feel like such a failure for not being able to.

So AIBU to feel this way? And does anyone have any advice on how to wean off the formula top ups in a way that won’t leave my DD dehydrated or hungry.

Do you have an IBCLC or breastfeeding counsellor you can reach out to? Many of them are doing appointments online. Giving the national breastfeeding helpline a call is also a good plan as you'll be able to speak to a breastfeeding counsellor and make a plan. The number is 0300 100 0212. Well done for continuing so long!

So today my DD and I are having a snuggle down feeding day - that’s my job for the day! Lots of putting her at the breast and feeding on demand and trusting in my supply. We’ll see how it goes!

Yay! Well done you! I also second what another PP said about taking fenugreek, it does seem to boost supply! Best of luck! xx

Hope you have a good day today

Don't cry about it op.

My first was 80% breast fed due to being away from her in the day, I'd fees her from early mourning till. 9, leave to Gwt to uni for 10am. Then be back around 4 or 5. If traffic and it was 6 I'd arrive to a screaming baby. She would have a bottle at 12 or 1pm and be waiting for me to come back and feed her all evening.

My second had a couple of top ups after losing weight at 2 weeks old as had problems latching on. From 5 weeks all sorted and no more to ups. I then would give her water in a bottle but carried on to exclusively breastfeed.

Do what is best for you and your baby but breastfeeding does not stop because of top ups and they can be very useful. Mixed feeding is great.

Just get on with it and don't beat up yourself over it, it's okay.

My daughter used to cluster feed for hours and hours and hours in the early weeks. Usually between about midnight and 5am. It drove me insane. I was convinced I had some sort of supply issue but it's how they stimulate your boobs to make more. It's really, really tough but I think you're right about the top up trap - you won't make more if your boobs don't feel they have to. Formula keeps em full longer as well.

By the way - I think it sounds like you're doing brilliantly and I wrote what I did up there based on the idea you are determined to ebf. She will still get the bf benefits with mixed feeding. If things are going well and she's gaining weight, it might even be worth keeping things as they are. My dd is now nearly 7m and she's starting nursery full time in September.. EBF (bar weaning) and now won't take a bottle AT ALL. Its a big worry as I've neber been able to express and even if I could she kicks off when presented with a bottle. Plus the emotional and mental weight of being the only feeder has taken a real toll on me. By giving the odd bottle I'd say you're potentially saving yourself some angst later on - you probably can't imagine it now but there will come a time where the fact you can go and do a supermarket shop without ten million texts from DH saying "hurry up she's hungry" will be an amazing blessing.

Thanks so much for all the advice everyone, and I’m really trying to take on board everything you’re all saying.

It’s all going well so far today, but it usually does in the mornings and afternoons - it’s evening time and early night when things get tough so we’ll see how it all goes later. The biggest thing will be keeping my confidence in my supply and letting her keep going on the greases even when I’m worried there’s nothing left in them as I know that’s what I need for my supply to increase. I’m also eating and drinking plenty, including flapjacks and breastfeeding tea!

On the breasts, not greases 🙄 Don’t know where that came from!

It really doesn’t matter how you feed your baby. It really won’t make any difference and there isn’t really any good reason to EBF unless you can’t afford formula of your baby is intolerant to it. Using formula as a supplement is perfectly fine, EBF doesn’t make you a good mum. Give yourself a break, you only gave birth a month ago, it’s not worth torturing yourself over something like this.

Some mums want to EBF, and that’s ok too! It IS hard in the early days, and some women switch to formula, and some women continue and go on to breastfeed for months/years.

If op wants to bf, then support and advice like on here is great. Clearly op doesn’t want to give up, so saying she’s ‘torturing’ herself isn’t helpful.

@Hiphopopotamus you might find the evenings tough as thats generally when baby will fuss/grumble/cluster feed like a mad thing. You may not get a lot of sleep! But it honestly doesn’t last forever.

By 6 weeks Dd has really settled down, and the ‘witching hours’ started to reduce drastically.

I did top ups wirh expressed milk from day 4, you can express it's fine.

it’s evening time and early night when things get tough so we’ll see how it all goes later.

As pp said, evenings are notoriously difficult in these early weeks. I don't think I ate dinner with two hands for about 10 weeks as baby was almost constantly feeding from about 6-10.30pm. I distinctly remember my DH cutting up my food for me and us desperately trying to find the 20 minute window to eat, which almost never worked. Had I known it would have been such a short (doesn't feel like it at the time) period I think I would have just given in to it.

Trust your supply. As long as your baby is having plenty of wet nappies and their weight gain is stable, they are getting enough milk.

Good luck, it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job.

Oh OP as a midwife I’m really sorry you were so poorly supported in the early days and you have become trapped in this cycle. Someone should have talked you through all of this long before now.

I hope you’re having a good evening OP and things are going well for you

Omg! I could have written your post myself! I also have a 4 week old baby. I’m trying to EBF and also feel a bit down when I have to give formula. In the beginning I felt rubbish and had a bit of a cry. That was when she had nipple confusion and I was devastated! But she did breastfeed again thank goodness! We cut down on the formula from 100-200ml a day to only 15ml yesterday.
Sometimes she only needs a tiny bit to settle down and we try everything first before giving it to her. I also feel like I failed or my boobs failed, but try to tell myself that as long as baby is happy we should be happy too! We as mamas are too hard on ourselves sometimes !!!

I've known two mothers who were so desperate to EBF that they let their babies go hungry - dangerously so in one case.
I sometimes think that the 'breast is best' is pushed too hard, and actually has a negative effect.

Actually, in giving a bottle, you are probably being very sensible.

My one year old was EBF, but not deliberately, she refused bottles from a few days old. At over a year old, I haven't been on a single evening out, I haven't had a full night sleep, and most of the time I'm still up every 2-3 hours. Even when delirious with flu, I had to drag my shivering backside out of bed to feed, whilst my husband looks on, unable to help.

Giving one bottle a day realistically gives you the benefits of breastfeeding, but with the flexibility that comes with a bottle. You might not be bothered about that freedom now, but in 6 months, you might want to go out for Christmas drinks, or to the cinema etc, and you can! It also means you can get a decent block of sleep. And ok, you might want to introduce a bottle of expressed when the time comes, but babies don't often do what we want, and may well refuse. But if they are used to it from birth, you don't have that issue.

If you want to transition to fully breastfeed, then I expect in time you can, just make sure that it's what you'd actually prefer, rather than just doing what all the books say...

Some would say you've actually got the holy grail of feeding right now!

@Hiphopopotamus

I actually started expressing today - I know you’re not really supposed to before six weeks but I thought it might help to try and match what she needs - I managed to express about 2oz in about a 20 minute session

My LO has jaundice and I was given the opportunity to express in hospital when we were readmitted for the full week so they could measure what she'd had. I refused formula and they didn't push just said I'd have to work hard - which I did. They made me squeeze every last drop of colostrum our and day by day every two hours of expressing more and more for a week.

Anyway what I'm saying is when necessary I think it's fine to express before 6 weeks. I'm still exclusivey breastfeeding now at 18 weeks and I haven't expressed since we were discharged.

Good luck

Evening and early night time wailing and desperate don't-let-me-go nursing is completely normal, is a lot about comfort and is not any indication of starvation or necessarily a need for top up. I wish I had known this.
I so wish my DD had accepted a bottle though. I had a hell of a time getting her to do so and in your shoes would certainly keep at least one bottle a day going if you can.
Night time is the best time for ebf, you can stay warm in bed without messing with formula, and boost your supply at the same time. Look up safe co-sleeping and lying-down feeding and abandon any convictions you might have that a properly bfed baby will settle happily for hours in the evening or night. Ime they will not for ages; they will just want to be on the breast and will do their nice long sleeps towards morning.

@PimblesRevenge but this isn’t the case here? OP’s baby didn’t even drop beneath their birth weight if you actually RTFT. Not sure what the point of your post is.

Good luck, OP. I gave my daughter formula top-ups from when she was 10 days old until she was 10 weeks old as she lost 14% of her birthweight in the first ten days. Initially, I thought it was the beginning of the end of breastfeeding because I had had so many problems breastfeeding to start with, and I was so sad about it. However, with the encouragement of my GP I phased out the top-ups slowly, and used switch nursing and breast compressions to boost my supply. By my daughter’s 12th week she was exclusively breastfed, and I continued breastfeeding her until she was 3 years and 2 months.

OP, you're doing brilliantly. I was going to say the same as Babyboomtastic, I ebf from day one and then DD never took a bottle. I felt so tied to her, couldn't go out for more than an hour, it was extremely stressful going back to work. And then she went on a nursing strike at 9 months that we never resolved and STILL wouldn't take any milk (pumped, formula, cows) from a bottle or cup until several months later.

A baby that will take both breast and bottle is a fabulous thing, and much as it's stressful now, if you keep going you may well reap the rewards later with much more flexibility .

@PimblesRevenge please don’t worry that I’m going to starve my daughter - that’s my biggest fear and the reason I’ve kept going with the top ups. The first sign that things aren’t right and I’ll be straight back to them.

So we’ve had the first 24 hours with no top ups at all - it’s been mostly ok but she seems very unsettled this morning with lots of crying and is constantly on the boob - I’m so close to giving her a bottle as she just doesn’t seem full.

Interesting that some of you think we have a good system. I definitely still want the flexibility of my husband being able to give her a bottle but I’m hoping to do that with expressed breast milk. Ugh it’s so hard to know what’s best!

@TeddyIsaHe
Not sure what the point of your post is.

Sigh.

That was the point of my post:
I sometimes think that the 'breast is best' is pushed too hard, and actually has a negative effect.

I wrote it right there, in the post.
Yes, I did read the OP and I know it isn't the case here. But, she's also been affected by what I stated as my point - (here it is again, to help : *I sometimes think that the 'breast is best' is pushed too hard, and actually has a negative effect.').

OP is affected because she is 'crying every time she tops up with formula'. This is very distressing for her and is, I think, a result of what I stated as my point: I sometimes think that the 'breast is best' is pushed too hard, and actually has a negative effect.

The more extreme results are what I mentioned in my post - women starving their babies.

(Can you tell I'm a bit sick of the lack of reading comprehension about these days... ?)

If you want to have the flexibility of giving a bottle of expressed milk, you need to keep giving a bottle very frequently - I can't stress this enough. Switching it from formula to expressed sounds like a good compromise, but if you stop it at all, even for a week, then you may find it hard to reintroduce.

I'm glad things are going in the direction you want. I think you'd be crazy personally to give up a bottle a day, but it's your decision.