AIBU to cry every time I top up with formula?

[Hiphopopotamus]

I’m sure I am but I think my hormones are still all over the place (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)

I’ve got a four week old DD. When we were in hospital my milk took a couple of days to come in and DD was jaundiced, so the midwife had me topping up my breastfeeding with formula after every feed to clear it out.

We’re now four weeks on and I’m desperately trying to stop the top ups as I really want to EBF. We’re no longer topping up after every feed but how much formula she has varies. Sometimes it’s just one small 70ml bottle at night, sometimes up to 3 or 4 70ml bottles spread throughout the day. I really try not to give it unless I have to but for example this evening, she’s been doing her ‘I’m hungry’ cry but not managing to stay on the breast so then I use the top up so she gets fed.

The actual breastfeeding mostly seems to be going well - some days I really feel like we have it cracked and she is a good latch and seems satisfied after feeds. But every time I have to top up it just absolutely knocks my confidence in my ability to breastfeed her. I’m also so worried that it’ll become a vicious circle and that my supply will never reach her demand due to the top ups.

I just had to give her a formula top up and I just cried afterwards which I know is probably so stupid but I really just want to be able to feed her from the breast exclusively, and I feel like such a failure for not being able to.

So AIBU to feel this way? And does anyone have any advice on how to wean off the formula top ups in a way that won’t leave my DD dehydrated or hungry.

*you're

Hi, I haven’t read all the posts, so maybe I’m repeating what already has been said.
I also mix-fed my son. He couldn’t latch on so I was trying to feed, expressing and topping up with formula. I could express as he wasn’t feeding from me.
Eventually he learned to latch on. Like you I thought I’d always need to top up with Formula, but eventually he didn’t need it any more. It was natural and became obvious. I can’t remember how long it took as it’s nearly 20 years ago. Maybe 8 weeks.
Express if you have the time and energy. Expressing between feeds will increase your milk supply but is tiring and time-consuming.
Expressing often doesn’t produce the same quantity of milk as direct feeding. Also, the fact that you’re not producing much suggests that your baby is getting a lot from you.
You are doing brilliantly at the moment. You are not AIBU at all, but hang in there. It does get better. Do what works for you and your DD.
I continued to breastfeed my son, mainly exclusively, until he was a year old.

Hope you're doing ok OP

I haven’t read the full thread but please don’t feel guilty and remember happy mum = happy baby. I had a hard time trying to EBF my first due to facial nerve issues from delivery and a 10 day delay in my milk coming in. I ended up on this triple feeding regime (BF, top up with expressed milk while expressing, them topping up with formula of necessary) it was exhausting and stressful. I lasted 6 weeks threw the breast pump at the wall (admittedly not my finest hour ) and stopped. I reached a point where my mental health and exhaustion just wasn’t worth it. I had lots of support from professionals, family and friends And hope you do too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with topping up/mix feeding-and there can be benefits to a bottle a day-many little darlings become bottle refusers and that can cause other problems. If I made breast milk like I made tears there would have been no problem but I didn’t despite my best efforts. Do what is right for you OP but please remember your sleep, mental health and enjoyment of your baby are extremely important too

OP look up Lucy Webber on FB she's great at normalising what breastfeeding is actually like as opposed to what we think it should be. If baby is having enough wet & dirty nappies then you are producing enough. The fussing is likely her upping your supply plus I think there's a leap around week 4/5 which may account for some of the behaviour. Hang in there you're doing great

www.facebook.com/groups/114045355295469/permalink/3306181892748450/

Yes you are fine to feel the way you do. I have been there, but offer bf for longer at each feed at top up with formula, Over time I was able to offer less formula. At around 7-8 wks with first I dropped the bottles. But even if you can,t well done for doing what your doing, express as well so you can top up with bm.

Checklist for a good mum:

• is your baby loved? Check
• is your baby warm, dry & safe? Check
• is your baby fed (method irrelevant)? Check

CONGRATULATIONS! @Hiphopopotamus you are a GOOD MUM

Hormones will make this fact blurred sometimes but you’re doing great and to be fed, loved and looked after is all your DD needs.

Karma that wouldn,t have helpeed me. I wanted to bf and knew with the correct advice i probably could. and I was right. Saying well your feeding your baby is not what I would have wanted to here. It,s the excuse for lack of support and nurses/hv lack of knowledge.

Don’t be too hard on yourself op. I was like you too - I felt so bad initially formula feeding. With my second I have private healthcare and my Harley Street dr explained that it was just correlation and not to worry. Formula does no harm at all.

You are doing a fantastic job, no matter how much you may feel you are not. It took me 10 weeks to cut out top ups after a similar situation with my son. Thought it would never happen and then one day (the day after he had the most top ups he had ever had) he just started rejecting them and that was it. Thought I would never get there and it was one of the hardest periods of my life (my son also had reflux and cried non stop).

Thanks again everyone. It’s all going ok - we’ve managed to cut right back to just 70mls once a day in the evening. I’m keeping her on my breast as much as possible and hopefully soon we can phase out the evening bottle.

@june2007

Karma that wouldn,t have helpeed me. I wanted to bf and knew with the correct advice i probably could. and I was right. Saying well your feeding your baby is not what I would have wanted to here. It,s the excuse for lack of support and nurses/hv lack of knowledge.

I wasn’t trying to help with breastfeeding as I’ve no expertise to give. I can’t change midwives or health visitors for the OP. I was just trying to help the OP see that she’s a good mum despite any troubles along the way. Something MN was set up for. Sometimes hearing you’re doing ok helps. If it’s not helping then people are free to move on past of course.

I did top ups from day 11 and ended up going down to 1-2 small breastfeeds a day by 3-4 weeks. then back to EBF at 6 weeks old. I found it hard to drop that last bottle. I did lots of skin to skin/lying in bed, letting DS suck like I was a dummy whilst I watched TV (lol now but not so lol then) and ate daily oats in full milk porridge (maybe an old wives tale but easy and tasty porridge if you add a bit of fruit/raisins) and oaty biscuits. I fed him in the end as long as I wanted (13 months).

Please don't cry, you aren't a failure. However for full disclosure I did cry a lot back then but in retrospect I wish I didn't have such black and white thinking about EBF as I put so much pressure on myself and I was doing the best I could.

The image of the top up trap was exactly why I used a supplementary nursing system. Baby nursed at my breast where the tube of the SNS was taped and either got expressed breast milk or formula as well as at source breast milk!

Scifiscream, lucky if you can find someone who knows about them and how to use them, I got no advice when i emtnioned it, I knew more then they did.

june2007 snap! I found out about it via google and worked it all out myself.
That's why I always talk about them on threads like this. It might help someone. Maybe the OP, maybe a lurker.

shop.medela.co.uk/products/feeding/supplemental-nursing-system/

Just wanted to update to say that we are now on day five formula free! No drop in wet nappies and a happy seeming baby so all seems good. The night formula bottle just sort of phased out naturally, and I’ve been able to express enough of a stash so that my husband can still give her the occasional bottle of breast milk.

Thanks for all the support and advice on this thread - I couldn’t have done it without you all!

You absolute superstar! I was just coming on to comment that I had the jaundice/formula issue with both my babies, and ended up mixed feeding long term. I think those early bottles, even though needed for the jaundice treatment, can put you on the back foot when it comes to establishing BF. Both mine were tiny babies and there were some worries about their weight gain, so we stuck with mixed feeding and it worked for us, but there is a small part of me that was sad I never got to EBF.
So well done you for putting in the extra graft and fully establishing BF - it’s no easy job! And if you ever do want to add in the occasional bottle back into the mix you have that option and know baby will take one (this became a nightmare for some of my ENF friends later on when then started wanting the occasional evening off/out!)
You’re doing amazing mamma, keep up the good work!

Well done. Brilliant. So pleased for you.

Congrats OP, thanks for letting us know, I'd been hoping you were getting on ok! As a PP said it might be really helpful in future that baby will take a bottle too.

Thanks - I know it seems like a silly thing to be proud of but I really am proud of myself for sticking it out and persevering, because I came very close to giving up and just going straight to full formula (obviously nothing wrong at all with this if that’s your choice or if you struggle with breastfeeding - I don’t want it to seem like I’m criticising other women - this is just about me and my choices!)

The more you feed your baby the more you will produce. If you top up with formula you will not make more breast milk. Drink plenty. I would feed slightly more frequently to increase your supply and stop the formula milk. I used to put cup thing in bra to catch milk from breast baby not feeding from when milk let down. I would catch a couple of oz after each feed. Save for just before bed as at end of day your body makes less milk.

You've done brilliantly. Well done! Now time to enjoy your baby and time off