AIBU to cry every time I top up with formula?

[Hiphopopotamus]

I’m sure I am but I think my hormones are still all over the place (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)

I’ve got a four week old DD. When we were in hospital my milk took a couple of days to come in and DD was jaundiced, so the midwife had me topping up my breastfeeding with formula after every feed to clear it out.

We’re now four weeks on and I’m desperately trying to stop the top ups as I really want to EBF. We’re no longer topping up after every feed but how much formula she has varies. Sometimes it’s just one small 70ml bottle at night, sometimes up to 3 or 4 70ml bottles spread throughout the day. I really try not to give it unless I have to but for example this evening, she’s been doing her ‘I’m hungry’ cry but not managing to stay on the breast so then I use the top up so she gets fed.

The actual breastfeeding mostly seems to be going well - some days I really feel like we have it cracked and she is a good latch and seems satisfied after feeds. But every time I have to top up it just absolutely knocks my confidence in my ability to breastfeed her. I’m also so worried that it’ll become a vicious circle and that my supply will never reach her demand due to the top ups.

I just had to give her a formula top up and I just cried afterwards which I know is probably so stupid but I really just want to be able to feed her from the breast exclusively, and I feel like such a failure for not being able to.

So AIBU to feel this way? And does anyone have any advice on how to wean off the formula top ups in a way that won’t leave my DD dehydrated or hungry.

Not silly at all OP, I'm also really proud that I continued. Found it incredibly hard at times (not just at the start - don't panic if you come across tough times later on, get more advice if you do and they will also pass) but also so lovely and rewarding at other times. I think its partly down to luck if breastfeeding works out (sometimes it isn't possible and that's nothing to be ashamed of) but also takes a lot of perseverance and that is always something to be proud of.

You are doing brilliantly. Women are under so much pressure to be perfect, but life isn't. I had loads of milk for my first baby; the others all needed topping up with formula. At first I fretted about it and thought I'd failed, but honestly, now I wonder why on earth I was so worried. They all grew up fine.