AIBU to cry every time I top up with formula?

[Hiphopopotamus]

I’m sure I am but I think my hormones are still all over the place (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)

I’ve got a four week old DD. When we were in hospital my milk took a couple of days to come in and DD was jaundiced, so the midwife had me topping up my breastfeeding with formula after every feed to clear it out.

We’re now four weeks on and I’m desperately trying to stop the top ups as I really want to EBF. We’re no longer topping up after every feed but how much formula she has varies. Sometimes it’s just one small 70ml bottle at night, sometimes up to 3 or 4 70ml bottles spread throughout the day. I really try not to give it unless I have to but for example this evening, she’s been doing her ‘I’m hungry’ cry but not managing to stay on the breast so then I use the top up so she gets fed.

The actual breastfeeding mostly seems to be going well - some days I really feel like we have it cracked and she is a good latch and seems satisfied after feeds. But every time I have to top up it just absolutely knocks my confidence in my ability to breastfeed her. I’m also so worried that it’ll become a vicious circle and that my supply will never reach her demand due to the top ups.

I just had to give her a formula top up and I just cried afterwards which I know is probably so stupid but I really just want to be able to feed her from the breast exclusively, and I feel like such a failure for not being able to.

So AIBU to feel this way? And does anyone have any advice on how to wean off the formula top ups in a way that won’t leave my DD dehydrated or hungry.

Well I’ve just given her a small 70ml bottle - she was just getting too worked up and kept coming off my breast in frustration and I just couldn’t listen to her hungry cry anymore, not when I have food right there for her. First bottle since Sunday evening so I’m thinking we’re still heading in the right direction. (Though a big part of me is also seeing this as a failure)

@Babyboomtastic I think I would agree with you if I knew it was always just going to be one bottle a day. I think my worry is that I hear so often that the formula amount is more likely to increase and breast milk supply goes down and that top ups soon turn into just formula feeding.

My plan is to try and express that 70ml today so I keep up with her demand and hopefully won’t have lost any ground

Babies fuss for lots of reasons, and they will grumble at not being on the boob because it’s basically their favourite place! As long as she’s having plenty of wet and dirty nappies, she’s having long, slow sucks after the initial letdown then she’ll be feeding enough. Keep putting her to the breast when she fusses, she’s probably still trying to get your supply up and running.

I do agree with keeping a bottle a day though (if expressed or formula) dd has a bottle from 3 days old and it gave me so much freedom being able to leave her with my mum so I could have a couple of hours to myself!

Sorry xpost. Not a failure at all!! Making the switch to EBF is a marathon not a sprint, a bottle of formula every here and there won’t affect your supply. You’re doing great, I know it’s hard not to doubt yourself but it will get easier as time goes on.

You've had some great advice on here about increasing your supply and recognising that a baby fussing could be for many reasons and not necessarily for a lack of milk. You mentioned your baby sometimes latches on and off and seems frustrated. Please have a google of Biological nurturing, otherwise known as Laid back breastfeeding. Have a read of the websites, but you'll also find some great YouTube videos. It is about putting your baby in a position on your tummy or chest, yourself in a semi reclined position, where they can use their natural newborn reflexes to seek and find the breast themselves. It is a great position for settling babies and feeding successfully. And seems to work well in preventing frustration in babies. Also, as baby will be lying on you on their tummy, sometimes this can help if they have painful wind.
You're doing brilliantly, well done!

I’ve had brilliant advice and I’m really trying to take it all on board and do as much as I can. She’s had her 70mls of formula and has now conked our in the Moses basket which is great as she was also getting worked up and overtired. To be honest if it was just a case of her fussing I wouldn’t have given the bottle, but she has a very specific ‘hungry’ cry that she was doing repeatedly so I made the call to give her just the one small bottle. I’m trying to see this as already a really big reduction in formula, and hopefully as my supply increases we can keep decreasing. I’m planning to sit and express what I can while she’s sleeping to keep my supply up with where she is, and I’m currently drinking a breastfeeding tea and eating some oatcakes!

Thanks so much for all the advice and encouragement everyone, including all the different perspectives. I’m finding this thread invaluable at the moment.

It’s so hard OP. I was in exact same position having to go back in two days later and ended up having heat lamp treatment. I never managed to drop the top ups and I cried and cried over it. My DP ended up taking an extra week off as I couldn’t bring myself to give a bottle of formula.

I could never express more than a drop so I couldnt top up with breast milk.

However after I started feeling better about things (years later!) I realised those formula feeds probably saved the breastfeeding relationship. It gets less important at 6 months as they start to wean and then by 12 months you can ditch it entirely. And I turn breastfed for two more years! We stopped just before he was three.

Can you think of it that way? I do understand - I lived in a very middle class area where formula was definitely frowned upon and I felt so awful every time I needed to bring out a bottle.

You’re doing well. I’ve known so many babies who won’t accept bottle and breast. You’re getting the best out of both.

Agh having a really tough afternoon. She keeps coming off the breast and won’t latch and then keeps crying. When she is feeding she’ll feed for five minutes or so then half falls asleep and won’t latch back on. Really struggling today

Have you managed to have a look at biological nurturing/laid back breastfeeding?

Have you been checked for tongue tie? Very common, frequently unchecked and can cause lots of issues. Easily fixed too.

Don't beat yourself up. I had a very hungry baby, and was feeding him constantly until my mum said that we were all hungry babies and she had to top us all up for that reason. But I didn't top up after a feed, just fed him on demand and then bottles twice a day.
I did a bottle at 10am and again at 10pm (meant I got to sleep approx 8.30pm to 12midnight as DH could do the 10pm bottle). He was feeding every 2 hours or sometime more often. Now he is 17, 6 foot and back to feeding every few hours ... it is costing me a fortune!

Keep putting her to the breast, that will make your supply increase. Babies can be fussy even though they aren’t hungry and if they are the cluster feeds are what build up supply.

@Somethingsnappy I’ve tried the laid back/biological nursing and I can’t get it to work - I don’t know if it’s because my breasts are quite large but she can’t seem to latch that way and breathe at the same time so she just comes off and cries

If she's getting frustrated and you're both getting upset, I'd just give the bottle and spend the time expressing so you continue to build up your supply (and also have the expressed milk to feed her instead of formula next time). Do you have a hands free expressing bra? That made it a lot easier for me as I could cuddle baby on my lap or read a book while expressing.

DS was a very long baby and we had trouble with the usual feeding positions they show you. I ended up building a 'pillow tower' beside me on the sofa and lying him on the pillows under my arm at the right height to feed... Might work for you. Later on we mastered feeding sideways in bed which was much more relaxing as I could just lie and doze, but that took a while.

Remember, lack of sleep is making everything seem much worse than it is at this point! You're chronically tired which is why everything seems such a big deal.

If you wish to increase your supply take some fenugreek, you can get it in Holland n barrets. Also the more your kid is on the boob the more milk you will make 😊

OP you're doing all the right thing and it seems like it's really paying off. Keep at it!

They have never said not to express before 6 weeks

Don't use a pump until milk has changed from colustrum - absolutely due to the consistancy - but then it's hand express instead

I do remember when my daughter was little being told if you can avoid giving a bottle before 6 weeks then don't due to nipple confusion - but not give formula instead of breast milk

BTW the crying when giving a bottle I did for the first few with my son as felt awful and my son was a lot older than your little one - I think it is a common reaction - strangely enough it was only with him, the other three I didn't when I gave them a bottle - I suspect its because with them it was my choice, with him it was something I didn't really want to do (BTW I ended up continuing the breastfeeding for far longer with him than any of the others - I think about a year or more after that first bottle)

So I’ve really struggled emotionally this evening even though DD has been feeding ok and sleeping in between. I’ve left her downstairs with my husband for a couple of hours with an emergency bottle while I try and get a head start on some sleep as I think I’m just exhausted and wrung out. I’m starting to wonder if it’s worth putting all this pressure on myself and whether I’m missing out on just enjoying my newborn girl. I don’t know.

Oh god I feel you. If you don’t want to breastfeed then that is OK. Your baby will thrive and love you exactly the same if your breastfed. You need to do what’s right for you.

What I will say, and feel free to ignore this! Is the best bit of advice I ever got in the early days of breastfeeding was: don’t give up on your worst day.

Get some rest, as much as you can. And know whatever choice you make is the best one for your family.

When I had my DD I wanted to breastfeed and couldn't, at first it didnt bother me much as I was expressing milk for her so she was still having breast milk, but then I dried up at 6 weeks, and we had to go onto formula, I felt like such a failure. Same as you are feeling now, but you are not. One thing I have learned from having kids, it is very rare that things go the way you planned.
Please sweetheart, look at it this way, she is still getting breast milk and the rest of the time you are doing what is best for her by feeding her, you are amazing.
If you have to top up a feed with formula, express some breast milk just after, this will help up your supply, I was also advised to express in the middle of the night and in a hot bath.
Keep going, you are doing amazingly.

Aw OP in the early days of breastfeeding I cried soooo much and was so tired I couldn’t think straight, but it got so much easier when my baby was 2-3 weeks old! I remember having another wobble when she was about 5 weeks old, but after that it just kept getting better. Now we have it sorted I feel so so proud of myself, and my partner keeps telling me how well I did etc. I love that whenever she’s hungry I can just undo my top and get on with it, no faffing about, and obv there are all the health benefits for baby and myself too. Don’t forget that being a new mum is bloody hard anyway with all the self-doubt about everything— steepest learning curve ever!!! It’s not the end of the world if you end up FF, but if you can push through it you will feel amazing. Rooting for you!

So. You are crying because your daughter is being fed and therefore growing and thriving...

The top wasn't planned. Life rarely goes to plan. But it helped/helps her to be happier/growing /thriving/be healthier.

Stop beating yourself up for this. She is healthy!! That should matter 104847383 more then your dream to ebf.

She is healthy. She is OK. You are OK. It wasn't like your pictured it. But this time might still come. And if it doesn't. You still have your beautiful cute baby girl to stare at all day. Thank god for formula. Some babies would have died without it!

I was still super emotional at this point OP - that is normal. Its completely up to you but you're doing so well and there's no problem with supplementing with formula and breastfeeding so you get a break - it kept me sane for months! Mine is now nearly 8 months, 1 night feed and 4 10ish minute feeds in the day so we don't bother with formula much now as I don't need the break. But it used to be a god send for giving me enough sleep to function! Perhaps aim to continue for a few more days and reassess?

Don't feel guilty. Your doing a brilliant job. Just enjoy your baby. Your baby would rather be full even if that's a bit of formula on top of breast milk. You will drive yourself mad otherwise and that's definitely not good for you or your baby. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter.