AIBU to cry every time I top up with formula?

[Hiphopopotamus]

I’m sure I am but I think my hormones are still all over the place (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it)

I’ve got a four week old DD. When we were in hospital my milk took a couple of days to come in and DD was jaundiced, so the midwife had me topping up my breastfeeding with formula after every feed to clear it out.

We’re now four weeks on and I’m desperately trying to stop the top ups as I really want to EBF. We’re no longer topping up after every feed but how much formula she has varies. Sometimes it’s just one small 70ml bottle at night, sometimes up to 3 or 4 70ml bottles spread throughout the day. I really try not to give it unless I have to but for example this evening, she’s been doing her ‘I’m hungry’ cry but not managing to stay on the breast so then I use the top up so she gets fed.

The actual breastfeeding mostly seems to be going well - some days I really feel like we have it cracked and she is a good latch and seems satisfied after feeds. But every time I have to top up it just absolutely knocks my confidence in my ability to breastfeed her. I’m also so worried that it’ll become a vicious circle and that my supply will never reach her demand due to the top ups.

I just had to give her a formula top up and I just cried afterwards which I know is probably so stupid but I really just want to be able to feed her from the breast exclusively, and I feel like such a failure for not being able to.

So AIBU to feel this way? And does anyone have any advice on how to wean off the formula top ups in a way that won’t leave my DD dehydrated or hungry.

DD was slightly jaundiced at birth and she was also a really really sucky baby. I ended up with shredded nipples and masttis when she was newborn. Ended up topping up with formula as it was so painful to breast feed. I can’t remember exactly when we dropped the top ups but it was by 2 months and then I exclusively breastfed until she was 1 so if you are careful about how many top ups etc and also try to express as much as you can then you should
Be able to remain breastfeeding a

You're doing great. You are giving her breast milk, and I was told that starting each feed with breast milk is great because that lines the gut. Mine had top-ups, and has done fine. It was quite amusing around the six month stage - because she was beginning to eat, she didn't need as much, and so we were able to drop the bottles altogether - we were already down to just once or twice a day, I think. At the same time, friends were desperately trying to introduce their babies to bottles.

This breaks my heart because I know exactly how you feel and used to do the same!

My milk came in really late, about day 10 so we also topped up. Then I couldn’t really express more than 1oz at a time. Countless feeding clinics, assessments, health visitors etc. Eventually found an amazing community nursery nurse who would call me a couple of times a week and check in on me (emotionally as well as asking about feeding!) and with her help we had a plan to drop down the formula top ups. She was about 4 months by the time I got rid of them completely, and she’s 18 months now and we’re still feeding.

It absolutely can be done to drop them if that’s what you want - I saw you expressed 2oz tonight which is fab for a first go! Just remember either way you’re doing great

You've been given lots of good advice here so I'll just drop this good tip in regarding expressing:

Get a silicon Haaka pump. They sell on Amazon & Ebay. Put it on the free boob whilst feeding & also whilst expressing & you'll get some milk in it. Amazing thing. You might get a little or a lot but it can be stockpiled in fridge &/or freezer to reach the amount you need. I got full bottles out of mine sometimes.

I combine fed my two with breast and formula. My son for 6 weeks, my daughter for 10 weeks. I have a congenital breast defect and for second labour a PPH. This really affected my ability to BF.

After week 6 I was fine and fed my son until he was 15 months old.

After week 10 I was fine and fed my daughter until she was almost 2.

Don't be hard on yourself, follow the advice, stay hydrated and if you have to combine feed all the time well that's fine too.

I used a supplementary nursing system so that while I was using the formula the baby was nursing at my breast. Best of both worlds. I also expressed but baby always more effective at getting the milk.

Either express or feed between 2:00 and 04:30 in the morning. I seem to remember something about activating the right hormone???

My babies are 13 and 10 now and you can't tell who was breastfed and who was formula fed in the playground.

If you do both - that's absolutely ok.

I had trouble breastfeeding my baby at first. He struggled to latch on and screamed with hunger for hours and wouldn't sleep at all. I was absolutely broken. Like you, I was also really keen to bf exclusively and everyone around me was also very 'breast is best' and anti-formula as they said it would affect supply so 'just keep going' was the only advice I got as DS and I got more and more desperate.

I can't describe the relief when eventually I gave DS a bottle of formula and he slept happily for a couple of hours with a full tummy. It just 'reset' us completely. I used the time to pump peacefully and watch a film (I fell asleep during it 😁) and when he woke up the feeding went a lot better since he wasn't so hungry and frustrated.

I ended up breastfeeding till 18 months. DS probably had around max 20-30 bottles of formula during that time. I can only speak from my own experience but personally I found being flexible and letting others do the occasional feed or tbh just filling him up when breastfeeding wasn't working for us made me much more likely to continue with it long-term.

Please don't worry about formula it's perfectly nutritious and will not harm baby! I can't comment on bf advice as I only lasted 3 days but just remember your MH is important. I found as mums we are expected to just get on with it, do nothing for ourselves and end up burning out. Good luck!

The more you stress, the less milk you will have. Do not focus on EBF. Millions of babies were raised on formula. With my first, I EBF for 9 months and could have fed another baby or 2. With my second, I just simply did not have enough milk for him and gave up after 7 weeks. I wish I have given up sooner, as both of us were miserable for those first weeks. I am ashamed to say, but I have much stronger bond with my second DC.
Don't be hard on yourself. You have tried, don't focus on EBF. Do what's best for you and the baby. I remember myself with my second DC those first few weeks and wish I went on formula sooner.
Good luck with whatever you decide, but I will again repeat myself- do not be hard on yourself.

Def keep pumping, no problem starting before 6weeks, esp if you're giving formula top ups. I did 'cluster pumps' to get plenty for top ups at that age:
10min pump
10min rest
10min pump
10min rest
10min pump

Maximizes the amount of milk for time pumping. I was doing that 4 times a day but you might only need to do it once or twice. 2oz from 20min is already a good volume.

Keep going, you're doing really well.

FYI Me and DD got to ebf about 8 weeks and it was brill. Only just stopped feeding her now at 16months. Was SO HARD those first few weeks but so worth it for the all the wonderful snuggly milky cuddles down the line ❤️

I had this with my second. I spent a few days at home pretty much feeding non stop to encourage my supply to increase. I also found that by the end of the day my supply was less so did 1 10pm bottle of formula rather than lots of small ones. I got DH to do that one so I could go to bed early ready for the night feeds!

Take it one day at a time, don't put any pressure on yourself. A happy mum is a happy baby regardless of how it is fed

I think I was in a very similar boat a few weeks ago and I also felt quite sad every time I gave formula. I really wanted to breastfeed and felt like my body was failing me. Also had issues with milk being delayed after a difficult birth. We tried not to put too much pressure on it, not worrying about expressing or having strict routines, just BF as much as possible. It took quite a few weeks to stop needing to top up at all. Actually we still give a little formula some days but just so I can have a break.

Advice re a day in bed with baby is spot on. Your body will start to produce more milk to meet the demand.
I just wanted to say don't be disheartened if you don't get much milk out if/when you pump. It isn't an indication of your supply and there's plenty of us, me included, who have never been able to pump lots despite having a good supply and chunky baby to prove it.
Cluster feeding where they don't appear satisfied is also completely normal, often around the time of a growth spurt to prep your body to make more milk.
Breastfeeding can be so tough at the beginning but once it's established you do forget about the early days and it becomes the easiest thing ever.

I think the "don't express before 6 weeks" thing is more advice about not introducing a bottle very early if its avoidable, as it can lead to bottle preference and problems with latching as the two suckling techniques are so different. But since your baby is already having bottles OP, and sounds to be dwapping between the two ok, I can't think of any harm in putting your milk in the bottle instead of formula.
I'm going to second, third or whatever it is by now, the advice that you get some support from someone trained who can talk things through with you properly and give you individualised advice. Personally, the best support I got was from the Breastfeeding Network but obviously its going to vary from region to region and from person to person. If you don't hit it off with the first person you speak to, don't give up - try the other organisations. Alternatively, look for a private Lactation Consultant. Just be a bit careful though, as qualifications and experience varies hugely and even some quite famous feeding "experts" aren't actually qualified and don't give evidence based advice. The gold standard qualification is IBCLC - International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. Anyone with those letters behind their name has completed a recognised and rigorous training programme and has to keep up with continued learning etc.
If you want to exclusively breastfeed it is very likely to be possible with the right support. Unfortunately Mums sometimes don't get that or really have to fight for it, but there are people who can help, so if its what you want, keep going. You're doing a grand job and sound like a lovely caring Mum.

Be kind to yourself. Breastfeeding doesn’t work all the time. Carry on with breastfeeding, or don’t. Formula is not poison. You will look back in a few years and this won’t matter.

^ This. I wish someone had said this to me many years ago!

OP it sounds like you're doing a great job, please don't be hard on yourself! Your baby is fed and healthy and that's all that matters!

If you want to exclusively breastfeed, your idea of taking baby to bed for a day is a really good one. I stopped breastfeeding at about 3 weeks and then relactated a few weeks later. A couple of days in bed with my baby skin to skin and feeding on demand, paired with expressing after every feed, got my supply back up quite quickly so hopefully it will work for you as you haven't stopped like I did. A good series on Netflix and snacks made the whole cuddly process quite enjoyable.

But however you decide to feed your baby going forward, please don't feel bad about your decision.

I was expressing similar amounts to you (baby had a tongue tie so needed to top up) and one day decided to fuck it and EBF instead. His weight didn’t falter at all. Talk to your HV about regular weighings if these don’t happen already.

Oh and I second what PP said about not worrying if you only get a small amount out when expressing, a pump will never be as effective as a baby at extracting milk but it's still stimulating the supply. Even if hardly anything comes out, it doesn't mean that there's a supply issue. I'm still breastfeeding at 18 months and I get pretty much zero out when I pump, but my butterball of a DS has no problem getting milk out.

You’re doing great. Don’t worry. Xx

We went through the top up hell 3 months ago. It was a traumatic birth, lost a lot of blood, supply was slow kicking in, baby lost lots of weight and so we embarked on the 3 hourly regime of breast, bottle, pump as advised by the midwives. It was brutal. I was exhausted, DP and I were both stressed, keeping track of feeding times took over our life and we couldn’t enjoy our new baby at all. Supply didn’t budge despite me trying every breastfeeding tea, oat cookie and fenugreek supplement in the book. I felt like a complete and utter failure, especially when meeting humble-bragging mums whose babies are on the 90th percentile and won’t take bottle Eventually I accepted that breastfeeding will not happen for me - 3 months on, we are very happily mixed-feeding and thriving. Breastfeeding is not the be-all and end-all.

God I cant believe a healthcare worker in the UK had you topping up with formula because your milk took a couple of days to come in (normal) and baby was a bit jaundiced (common/normal). Such crap advice!

Op it's ok to feel upset. Your hormones are raging and it's not about bf vs formula, it's about you being in control and being able to do what you wanted/planned, it's natural to feel disappointed when something doesnt go to plan.

I recommend pumping after bf to get your supply up (or bf as MUCH as possible), if you want to.

I haven’t rtft but I took fenugreek to push my mill supply along and it worked a treat.

I cried every time I did a formula top u.

Oh OP, sending very best wishes to you- I cried loads during early breastfeeding/formula top up/weight gain struggles. Please try to be kind to yourself, you are doing your best for your baby.

I'm another one who got stuck in the top up trap due to jaundice. I got lots of well meant advice about only using expressed milk (couldn't pump enough) and reducing top ups (dd preferred the bottle and would quite often refuse to latch) but it was hopeless, and kind of made me feel worse. So I just cried a lot and muddled along until we got to 4 months when dd did a sudden 180, decided breastmilk was worth the effort and from then on refused the top ups instead. I lost a lot of sleep due to cluster feeding at night but my supply did catch up quickly once dd was feeding properly. Went on to feed dd for 2 years, and sucessfully ebf my second through jaundice with no top ups (one midwife suggested it and got a very hard stare).
So much good advice on here already but I just wanted to add my story. It's so common, and while it's sad you didn't get the feeding experience you wanted it's not hurting your baby in the slightest. Hang in there, you're doing really well.

Your post takes me back. My first baby fed and fed late at night and I didn't seem to be able to produce enough. During the day was fine. I never got on with expressing (ever) and at 2am faced with flat boobs and a screaming two week old baby I cried while my lovely mum gave a bottle of formula.
The good news is that my body got into gear slowly and by 6 weeks I was ebf. And continued to do so for a good 18 months.
Accept those bottles and continue to try and breastfeed at night. I gave it an hour before considering a bottle. Slowly it stopped happening.

Try the advice re breastfeeding to increase supply, but do not feel bad if you need to give a formula top up, or even if you decide to formula feed completely, you baby simply needs to be fed and you need to be less stressed. Yes breastfeeding has benefits, but at what cost to you. By the time children start school you would never know who was bf and who was ff.