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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about nakedness in front of dc

434 replies

Whatafustercluck · 28/06/2020 08:55

I've always gone on the basis that as soon as your child feels uncomfortable around you being naked, you should start covering up/ closing the door when dressing or bathing. Ds is 9 and not remotely bothered but I'm starting to wonder if this is weird/ out of step with others. We don't parade around naked for no reason of course, but he will frequently see us naked getting dressed/ undressed morning/ night. How open are you with your kids and what age did that stop? I've seen some experts say that it may be inappropriate from 5 which has concerned me tbh.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 29/06/2020 09:10

Mum and Dad (now deceased) were both naturists. Nudity was never a big deal in our house. Sister and l opted for a little privacy in our teens and then became relaxed again.

I think we had fewer body hang ups than a lot growing up. We were taught that there was mothing wrong with bodies but beware of bad people.

Now in my 40s, I’m still relaxed about being seen naked.

slipperywhensparticus · 29/06/2020 09:14

I announce I'm getting dressed and keep my back to the door my kids stay out but if they barge in they soon leg it

woodhill · 29/06/2020 09:27

I always have a lock on the toilet, I don't want anyone wandering in.

However I did forget to lock the downstairs loo the other day and adult ds burst in and told me off for not locking it.Smile

parallax80 · 29/06/2020 09:33

What is the most important is that kids grow up having a sense of respect and acceptance of themselves and other people, that both they and others are allowed to have boundaries, and that for lots of people boundaries around privacy and nakedness are quite sensitive.

There is a huge spectrum of how comfortable individuals are with all sorts of nudity etc and it is not about sneering at others that they are “prudish” or “abusive” or “hung up” or whatever.

People are different.

If your child grows to have the confidence to say “I don’t like X” and know they will be heard, and listened to, and you are prepared to compromise to accommodate their feelings... and also to be able to hear that someone else doesn’t like Y, even though they themselves might be ok with it, and respond sensitively to that.

That is the aspiration, not particularly how naked they are happy to be.

FWIW I was violently abused as a child. I would be fine with naked public showers and naked swimming. I would be deeply uncomfortable with naked people wandering around at home. Context is important.

Porcupineinwaiting · 29/06/2020 09:38

We were always quite a nudey family and I called time before my dc did and stopped getting changed in front of them when they were were around 10/11. They were happy to change in front of us until 12/13, then they wanted more privacy themselves.

shinyredbus · 29/06/2020 09:41

I mean to each their own I suppose - but we have no issues being naked around the kids etc - I have a 6 year old and a 4 year old. They run around d naked too 😂. Until they feel uncomfortable- I don’t see the need to change. They know no one else can see them naked tho - just me and my husband.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 29/06/2020 09:41

We don't go out of our way to wander around naked, but don't fuss about it either.

DS1 is 9, and couldn't care less much like DP and I, and never has.

DS2 is 7 and has never liked anyone seeing him naked (which is fine, when he forgets to take clothes into the shower we just pass them through the door to him), but doesn't care about seeing us naked (although he would complain if his brother was making a thing of it).

I don't think there can be a fixed age. I'd just take the lead from the kids.

chargeorge · 29/06/2020 09:50

My parents were always open about nudity, my twin sister and I shared a room until we were 15 and would often not dress for ages after waking up - we all slept nude in our house anyway. I've never really had any hangups about family seeing me even when I was a teen and hope that my 2 (age 6 & 4) will be the same. Hubby is a little more cautious but that's his upbringing

crispysausagerolls · 29/06/2020 09:50

A lot of people don’t appreciate that their children would not tell them to cover up if they were uncomfortable

LaurieMarlow · 29/06/2020 09:51

A lot of people don’t appreciate that their children would not tell them to cover up if they were uncomfortable

Sounds like you projecting.

I wouldn’t have hesitated to tell my parents I was uncomfortable if I had been. I wasn’t.

formerbabe · 29/06/2020 09:55

A lot of people don’t appreciate that their children would not tell them to cover up if they were uncomfortable

Yes. I wasn't so much uncomfortable but I just found seeing my parents naked or on the toilet disgusting. Nothing untoward going on, I just found it repulsive to see the toilet door open. I was petrified that if I had friends round, they'd do it. They actually didn't if we had visitors but it still made me anxious. I never said a word to them...it wouldn't have occured to me for a moment to tell my parents what to do.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 29/06/2020 10:24

A lot of people don’t appreciate that their children would not tell them to cover up if they were uncomfortable

My kids don't hesitate to make their feelings felt... I can see that perhaps when older they might get anxious about talking to us perhaps - I hope not, but I can see it might happen. I think our communication is much better than that I had with my parents for example (so far. Teens are looming and I realise this is a whole different ball game)

crispysausagerolls · 29/06/2020 10:32

I wouldn’t have hesitated to tell my parents I was uncomfortable if I had been. I wasn’t

@LaurieMarlow this is also projecting! Everyone is projecting, all the time!

I’m not speaking for everyone anyway. A number of people on this thread have said similar to me. I just think it’s worth bearing in mind that not every child WILL say “put it away please”.

ittakes2 · 29/06/2020 10:37

My watched a programme once where a mother pointed out she thought it was good for children to see what real adult body looked like. So they knew the bodies do have weird bits and lumps - and women do not necessarily look like the air brushed photos in photos. I don’t parade around naked but I don’t attempt to cover myself up between my en-suite shower and getting changed - and if my 13 year olds walk in and see me that’s ok as I personally don’t think we should send a message to children they should be ashamed of their bodies.

StarlightLady · 29/06/2020 14:29

There is a huge difference between someone (children or otherwise) seeing you naked, which l’m comfortable with, and someone seeing you on the loo.

ExoticEdna · 29/06/2020 14:44

'and if my 13 year olds walk in and see me that’s ok as I personally don’t think we should send a message to children they should be ashamed of their bodies'

As has been said repeatedly it isn't about shame, it is about respecting privacy.

Children can't often process what they feel let alone voice criticism to a parent.

luminette · 29/06/2020 14:47

I think you all sound completely deranged.

I didn’t grow up with this and I think it’s extremely weird to go out of your way to show your genitalia to your children. Wtf.

Hoppinggreen · 29/06/2020 15:11

There’s a big difference between being naked and getting naked
And who is “showing” their genitalia to their children? Nobody
“Look, DS, look at my vulva” - that would be very disturbing behaviour but nobody on here is doing that, the majority just aren’t going to huge lengths to cover up if already naked

midnightstar66 · 29/06/2020 15:26

And you don't think you sound a little deranged with that assumption/reaction?

Roomba · 29/06/2020 15:43

I was pretty relaxed about it when my DC were tiny. I don't mean I'd intentionally wander round the house naked all day, but I'd shower, use the loo and get dressed in front of them while they chatted to me happily. Around the time they started school, they became more uncomfortable with it - if I was having a bath or getting dressed and they walked in, they'd say 'Oh! Sorry!' and scoot out, rather than sitting down and nattering at me.

I still don't go out of my way to ensure I'm covered up at all times, I'll dash from bathroom to bedroom if I forget a towel and get changed in front of them if they are happy with being there.

DS2 (7) will happily run around naked all day in the house, but doesn't necessarily wish to see me naked. And I just realised I've never ever seen DS1 (14.5) naked since he was 8! I always knock before going in their room as my mother would burst in on me and I hated it.

StarlightLady · 29/06/2020 15:47

There is nothing wrong with the naked form. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Artists have been painting it and sculpting it throughout history.

Nudity need not be associated with sexuality.

No wonder so many people get screwed up about their bodies.

nokidshere · 29/06/2020 16:06

We didn't wander around naked per se but our two boys often would be there is we were getting changed or showered. We shared baths when they were small and they co slept until they were 2 and we all slept naked. We started closing doors (if the doors closed you knock first) when DS1started to turn his back or leave the room if we were getting changed, he was about 10 then.

He's 23 now, and he just walked past me so I asked him, he says he doesn't really remember ever seeing me or his dad naked

LST · 29/06/2020 16:15

@luminette Haha you sound deluded. No one has posted they go out of their way to show their DC their genitals! Where the hell have you got that from 🤣🤣

StarlightLady · 29/06/2020 16:47

@LST - Exactly Flowers.

GrannyBags · 29/06/2020 17:29

@luminette
I think ‘having a chat with a child whilst I’m in the bath’ is a long way different from ‘showing him my genitals’
I’m not sure what thread you read that on but it wasn’t this one!