To ask about nakedness in front of dc

[Whatafustercluck]

I've always gone on the basis that as soon as your child feels uncomfortable around you being naked, you should start covering up/ closing the door when dressing or bathing. Ds is 9 and not remotely bothered but I'm starting to wonder if this is weird/ out of step with others. We don't parade around naked for no reason of course, but he will frequently see us naked getting dressed/ undressed morning/ night. How open are you with your kids and what age did that stop? I've seen some experts say that it may be inappropriate from 5 which has concerned me tbh.

@whynotnowbaby Glad you brought up the Iceland thing, it really is just normal in some places, people need to understand that. As you said, for some people/cultures "it is just what we do". Do people consider the naked public showers in places like Iceland to be child abuse too?

@crispysausagerolls The remark about "personality substitute" is out of order and very ignorant. Live how you want but recognise that not everyone lives, or wants to live, in the same way. I have my own beliefs, you have yours. You may consider nakedness to be a "personal thing", I don't. You don't have to go with my beliefs and I don't have to go with yours. Well I do mostly actually, I have very limited places where I can be without clothes, you have very few places where you are not allowed to wear clothes! Let's live and let live, eh?

@speakout I don't swim where I would encounter those hazards, naked or clothed! Naked swimming is natural and fantastic. I find swimming with a swimsuit on to be rather unsatisfying...

@natural63

I take back the personality substitute comment because it was unkind and not fair. But I am afraid I stand by my position that it’s not ok to force your naked lifestyle on children.

Live how you want but recognise that not everyone lives, or wants to live, in the same way

Quite. Hence why I have no idea why you wouldn't wait until your DC are adults and can make their own choice about whether they want to expose their bodies in public.

I don't think it's appropriate to be naked around children anytime after the baby age. Maybe 18 months?

Because we don't believe it to be an issue (although we recognise that other people think it is, we don't think like that). We just live (well, holiday) this way and always have. People make decisions every day about what culture and beliefs their children will grow up in, the children don't get to decide everything for themselves. FWIW I would consider taking children to church, making them be confirmed etc to be far more intrusive and wrong. Forcing religious beliefs on children who have no choice but to go along with them (ie indoctrination) is seen as perfectly acceptable, yet being on a beach in a perfectly natural state and bringing up our children to consider this normal is wrong?

@natural63

I couldn’t agree more with you about religion. I just think that what you are doing is effectively the same thing. Except possibly worse because you are exposing their naked bodies for other people to view, knowing some of them might not have pure motives.

I see that you don’t think nakedness is wrong etc. That’s fine/your right - but why involve your children who cannot possibly make That decision for themselves? You are not ignorant of how society functions and what The norm is, what safeguarding is there to do etc. I don’t see any difference between what you are doing, and what you say about forcing children to go to church.

But I am afraid I stand by my position that it’s not ok to force your naked lifestyle on children

But all families “force their lifestyle on their children” - it’s just called bringing them up. My parents brought me up in their Christian lifestyle. I’m bringing DS up in my vegetarian lifestyle (ie I don’t cook meat). I am absolutely bringing him up in my “shoes off at the front door” lifestyle, and would consider disowning him if he grew up to wear his shoes inside.

Do you think these guys are bringing their children up in a naked lifestyle, or can you accept that it is culturally normal for them?

images.app.goo.gl/nn3XjXj78XmDPr4s6

And if it’s fine for them to “parade around naked”, why isn’t it ok for people from Scandinavian countries (where it is totally normal within the family) to do it too?

The U.K. in general is very weird about nudity.

@ChristmasCarcass

But these guys have their genitals covered!!!

I have an 8,3 and 1yo and I'm never naked unless getting out the shower and one of the little ones runs in.

My daughter (8) closes the bathroom door leaving a gap in the door while bathing, shuts her bedroom door when getting changed.

Crispy there are plenty of tribes who don’t, and people on here have expressed horror at the idea of babies seeing their mothers’ breasts, or fathers walking around with no top on. Your line in the sand may be genitals, plenty of people on this thread think any state of undress is pervy.

My eldest is 6 and I wouldn’t say he sees me naked daily but I don’t ensure he doesn’t either. My 3 year old is constantly around me, in my bath, sat talking to me whilst I use the toilet etc. I saw my own mum naked until I moved out at 22 and it never bothered me

But we don’t live in these tribes. We live in the UK. Some of these tribes believe in things like FGM. That isn’t something we practice here. These things aren’t the cultural/societal norm. Deviating from that with these sorts of contentious issues (contentious due to safeguarding) is questionable.

Taking your shoes off entering the house isn’t the same as taking your child to be naked on a beach full of naked people.

9 is too old OP. I remember my mum parading round naked (love her) but I remember being uncomfortable. I never told her I was uncomfortable as shes my mum.

Your line in the sand may be genitals, plenty of people on this thread think any state of undress is pervy

Absolutely. I am just explaining about my line in the sand, not other peoples.

My 4-year-old DD shouted "stupid English people!" after my DH asked her to put some pants on as she was about to sit at the dinner table.
We have no problem with nakedness in our family (I am not English) and I never thought anything of it when my mum was naked or even grandpa on sauna days.

I grew up in a VERY prudish household where I honestly think I never saw ANY of my family naked or semi naked. It led to me being ashamed of my body to the extent I would not go to a doctor if I was ill in case I might need to reveal a part of my body. I got over it but with a LOT of work. Needless to say I have been relaxed about nudity in front of my kids. Would be fascinated to hear a psychologist's view on this .....

I just don’t even consider this an issue, in my house now or growing up. My sister and mum were much more open with nakedness than me, my sister liked my mum talk to her in the bath. I didn’t so I locked the door.

My dad I think stopped being naked around us for his own comfort when we were under 5.

I don’t parade naked around my house. I sleep in pjs but my sons will often sit on my bed and talk to me whilst I get changed. My three year old never wears any clothes in the house either unless we insist - soon as he’s home his gorgeous little bum is out.

I don’t know. I think it happens naturally does it? Like I know I just started shutting the door when I showered, stopped going in to talk to my mum when she showered etc. And I assume my sons will do the same, start asking for solo showers, stop coming in my room whilst I change, start shutting doors etc?

My eldest is 22 and my youngest twelve. Two bid, two girls. I've always been naked around them, so has their dad. Yes, as they get older they close the bathroom door when showering etc and their own dues are closed more too and that is perfectly normal. But they will happily walk into my room, don't recoil in horror should they glimpse me walking to the bathroom or loo in the buff.

We hot tub naked in the garden (screened off, we don't flash the neighbours) and the kids don't bat an eye. My sister often comes to pick me up and I'm only half dressed and she doesn't care either. But it's the way we where raised, even now it's not unusual for our dad to answer the front door naked or barely wrapped in a tiny towel if we have disturbed him showering or sunbathing on his roof garden etc. We just don't really care about nudity, don't see why we should? Doesn't bother me in single sex communal changing rooms either.

But I would never dream of stripping off and walking around naked in front of other peoples kids or men. And my kids know that. But this is our home and we can be comfortable in it. It's not like I'm walking around doing the Macarena or time warp and swinging my tits and hips 😂

Although there's a range of views here, I can see that we're far from unusual I think. But then we're pretty open about a lot of things with our dc - including explaining about periods when they've walked in on me on the loo. It's not that I make a habit of going to the toilet in front of them, but they've wandered in, seen me and asked questions. I don't want them growing up thinking some subjects are taboo and being ashamed (in fact I would hope that ds turns into the kind of partner who will run to the shops for tampons if his girlfriend gets caught short), so I answer them honestly. I then calmly ask them to give me some privacy while I finish.

I'd love to be able to have a family where wandering around naked is fine, DH , and I don't have any problem with it at all but ds started wanting privacy and not wanting us to see him or to see us naked at around 10.
Now at 15 he won't even let us see his arms

DH accidentally walked in on DS in the shower a couple of months ago and DS refused to speak to DH for about a week his anger driven by embarrassment was so acute

Caveat is that he has ASD and he is also iquite depressed at the moment so things are worse than usual but nonetheless DS is certainly not comfortable with his body at the moment. It makes me quite sad to know that.

@molifly14

I don't think it's appropriate to be naked around children anytime after the baby age. Maybe 18 months?

What's inappropriate about a 2 yo seeing their parent naked? What of they're still breast feeding at 18 months, is seeing bare beats OK then or should it just be the necessary bits they can see?

DS has just crawled into bed and asked me why I'm naked then asked DS then sat stroking DH's eyebrows so def not bothered here at 5
Like others have sai, we'll take his lead but I don't see how we're damaging him by him seeing us undressed

@molifly14

I don't think it's appropriate to be naked around children anytime after the baby age. Maybe 18 months?

Some children are breastfed past 18 months, does the toddler need to wear a blindfold?

Will they also be blind folded in changing rooms when going on swimming lessons?

'DH accidentally walked in on DS in the shower a couple of months ago and DS refused to speak to DH for about a week his anger driven by embarrassment was so acute Caveat is that he has ASD'

How did he accidentally walk in? our shower is completely audible even when the door is shut. I'm sorry your ds is depressed at the moment but rather than feel sad about it try to at least to respect his boundaries and put a lock on the bathroom door.