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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about nakedness in front of dc

434 replies

Whatafustercluck · 28/06/2020 08:55

I've always gone on the basis that as soon as your child feels uncomfortable around you being naked, you should start covering up/ closing the door when dressing or bathing. Ds is 9 and not remotely bothered but I'm starting to wonder if this is weird/ out of step with others. We don't parade around naked for no reason of course, but he will frequently see us naked getting dressed/ undressed morning/ night. How open are you with your kids and what age did that stop? I've seen some experts say that it may be inappropriate from 5 which has concerned me tbh.

OP posts:
woodhill · 28/06/2020 12:54

Locks on the door for us, couldn't bear anyone coming in particularly when you are at the loo or have a period - why would you?

motherrunner · 28/06/2020 12:55

@formerbabe But the scenario you described is inappropriate. How can you compare me co-sleeping with my 5 year old (albeit naked. I too am peri-menopausal so another poster and always hot!) with me hosting a naked play date?

And to the poster who commented ‘wtf’ that I don’t have a lock on my bathroom, what are people supposed to do if they need the toilet? It’s not like we purposefully go out of our way to wait until someone is in the shower to go bit when nature calls, nature calls.

GlamGiraffe · 28/06/2020 12:57

Making your body a secret is saying it's something to be ashamed of.
Being g naked around your immediate family is not the same as being naked around strangers. Having the choice is also an important factor.
DH and I have never hidden away from our children, coincidentally our parents never hid from either of us a children. It is important that children feel comfortable in their skin and not ashamed.
My oldest son never took any notice of hiw we looked, or the fact we were undressed ar lary dressed we have always shared a hotel room etc). At around 13 he asked me to cover up more which I did but then lost the self-consciousness again a year or two later and will walk into the room while I'm changing or in the bath having a conversation, as he will with his dad. He has a positive body image himself and I believe it's a healthy thing. Young children are unaware of concepts of "rudeness" associated with nudity, and sexuality it is only us putting them on them from very early ages if we insist on hiding from them. They will decide when they are ready themselves if we give them the chance. Its partof growing up.

formerbabe · 28/06/2020 12:58

You said bodies are bodies and I'm making the point that clearly on some occasions, nakedness is inappropriate...so what does bodies are bodies even mean?

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2020 12:58

@motherrunner

If people
Need the loo they can knock and ask the person in there to hurry up. Or wait. It’s completely inappropriate to remove privacy from the most private room in the house. You are forcing nakedness upon your children!

But then I also think it’s odd to be naked with children in bed. Top half sure, makes sense for breastfeeding. Bottom half..why? Why not wear shorts or pants to avoid foot in crotch moments and other stuff? There’s just 0 need for it.

Being naked or peeing in front of children too small to be alone/children who don’t mind and won’t remove themselves from the situation is unavoidable. But sleeping naked knowing your child will join your or barging in on people showering is just so unnecessary.

Crystal87 · 28/06/2020 12:59

I am never naked in front of my 11 year old son. It's not the end of the world if he accidentally sees me but I do make an effort to make sure he doesn't. My younger kids, girls and boys do see me naked and will come in the bathroom when I'm in the bath. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think my eldest son was about 8 when I started covering up but maybe it will be different with my daughters and I won't feel the need.

woodhill · 28/06/2020 13:01

We had a separate toilet so did not experience that scenario, but i still think children can learn to be considerate.

I did notice when I went upstairs to pee usually holding on after doing umpteen things my dd was always one step behind me😊

PaperMonster · 28/06/2020 13:01

My daughter’s 9. She doesn’t mind me getting dressed/undressed in front of her and she doesn’t mind getting dressed/undressed in front of me. But she doesn’t like her dad seeing her with no clothes.

formerbabe · 28/06/2020 13:01

I don't think bodies are anything shameful and like I said I won't lose the plot if my dc walk in on me getting changed but if I'm walking from the bedroom to the bathroom, it's no great effort to put on some knickers.

woodhill · 28/06/2020 13:03

To me my privacy represents my time when I don't want interruption. It gave me some headspace

I didn't want my dc coming in end of

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2020 13:06

@formerbabe

You are right - it’s easy to at least wear pants! Brief nudity is unavoidable but prolonged nudity is...just why?

FiveGensOfLove · 28/06/2020 13:08

Why is everyone so worried about being naked in front of their kids?! There’s a lot of crazy on this thread. Genuinely gobsmacked that anyone would care. I can’t imagine ever hiding my body from my own children.

I grew up in a house where there were no locks on bathroom doors and I still see my own parents naked. I plan on continuing that with my own kids. Why wouldn’t you?!

Yes, they ask questions about my body and DH’s. That’s normal. Better to learn this way than the internet-based alternative.

Lucyccfc68 · 28/06/2020 13:24

There's some very strange views on this thread. I have brought my DS up to be comfortable with his body, but to understand that it's HIS body and no one has the right to touch him without his consent.

He is 15 and see's me getting changed and we have never had a lock on the bathroom door, so he has no issue coming in for a wee whilst I am in the shower.

To both of us, bodies are just our bodies and are nothing to be ashamed of. He has seen my breasts, backside and vulva and it means he has seen what 'real' people look like instead of learning about women's bodies from porn or magazines.

He is very comfortable asking me about my C-section scar, periods, wet dreams and how men and women experience sex in different ways. We talk about how some men view women and objectify them.

I bought some tampax once, as he asked questions about how they worked.

His best friend has said that he has never seen his Mum naked. Not surprisingly he would never feel comfortable talking to his Mum about some of the things my DS and I talk about.

Kolo · 28/06/2020 13:25

I'm a Brit with a scandi DH. We have very different feelings about nudity. I've tried to get over the shame about nude bodies that has been inbuilt in me. I've had a few baptisms of fire when spending time in his country of origin (just going to the swimming pool, for example, was so different - open showers and changing rooms and no one showers in their swimming costume). I actually found it really positive (aside from my own embarrassment) that girls were seeing women's bodies in every shape/age/size regularly and without shame or judgement. It struck me as a far healthier way of developing body image than how I learned as a teen - I only saw women's naked bodies in page 3/porn/sex scenes in films, much more sexualised and with only
1 type of body (young, thin, white).

I'd prefer my own children to learn about real bodies from the real world.

raspberryk · 28/06/2020 13:27

I've slept naked all my adult life, I can't stand even wearing pants in bed and that didn't change when cosleeping. I don't see the issue.

EmeraldShamrock · 28/06/2020 13:29

There is always the danger of a parent taking pleasure in the nakedness.
I read a thread yesterday the OP's DF encouraged it from a young age although he was seedy he was always naked and wanted them naked too. Sexual abuse usually happens in the home by a family member or friend, I know a minority of parents do it but it happens often under your eye.

formerbabe · 28/06/2020 13:31

He is 15 and see's me getting changed

Why? He's 15 not 15 months. He doesn't need constant supervision I presume so why not close the door of your bedroom when changing?

SimonJT · 28/06/2020 13:32

@raspberryk

I've slept naked all my adult life, I can't stand even wearing pants in bed and that didn't change when cosleeping. I don't see the issue.
I don’t either, the last time I had to wear anything to bed was during a hospital stay, I couldn’t sleep as it was physically uncomfortable. My son gets in bed with me, he knows I’m naked, its not a surprise! When he decides he doesn’t want to get in bed with me thats fine, but I’m not going to go without sleep to extend how long he sleeps with me.
woodhill · 28/06/2020 13:43

I remember a friend telling me how she changed a tampon in front of her daughter at home and went into graphic detail about it, I found it strange

AlternativePerspective · 28/06/2020 13:47

Is it any wonder that so many children grow up feeling sexualised when something as natural as seeing a naked parent is considered wrong? The only point at which children are told nudity is ok is when it’s because of sex and that in turn teaches them that if they’re naked then they’re being sexualised.

I have a seventeen year old. I don’t get dressed in front of him but he’s been known to knock the door and wander in while I’m getting dressed. I will do so quickly but if he didn’t want to see it then he knows not to come in.

As for locks on the bathroom door. I don’t have one and refuse to. When I was about eleven my dad passed out in the bath and the door was locked. My mum had to chop the lock off with an axe to get in (it locked with a key.) After that I would never allow a lock on the door, when I lived with eXH the door of the previous house we lived in had a lock on with a key and I removed it. It’s just as easy just to shut the door and then people will knock if they don’t realise you’re in there.

PepperMooMoo · 28/06/2020 13:48

@EmeraldShamrock

There is always the danger of a parent taking pleasure in the nakedness. I read a thread yesterday the OP's DF encouraged it from a young age although he was seedy he was always naked and wanted them naked too. Sexual abuse usually happens in the home by a family member or friend, I know a minority of parents do it but it happens often under your eye.
I understand that happens, thankfully in the minority of cases but that's not the question here is it? The OP was about whether in normal circumstances we feel comfortable being naked around our children. I'm not sexually abusing my children, I'm just changing or washing and hopefully encouraging them to not consider nakedness shameful or weird. They ask questions about my body, and I tell them. It's perfectly normal.... children being sexually abused in their own homes is an entirely different issue and not one I personally want associated with my behaviour in my own home.
AlternativePerspective · 28/06/2020 13:49

Oh and there are worse things than seeing a parent naked.

My DS has seen me in ICU attached to a ventilator and life support. Not much scope for modesty there....

EdgarAllenCrow123 · 28/06/2020 13:58

I don't think bodies are anything to be ashamed of but I don't understand why a 15 year old bladder (of either sex) can't wait till someone else (anyone) has used the shower?

15 mins max? Isn't that just polite and considerate that you would let someone have a shower for a few minutes? And not piss a few feet from their naked body if it wasn't absolutely necessary?

I'm all for families being comfortable being naked around each other, getting dressed or undressed whatever, if all parties are happy to be, but don't see why a 15 year old is so desperate for a piss that they can't wait 15 mins.

Bluntness100 · 28/06/2020 14:01

Some of these comments, of course there is worse things than seeing your parent naked, and children grow up to be sexualised adults because that is what we are as humans. We would die out of it weren’t,

However it’s not about sex or anything else, it’s about not wanting to see your mothers muff or fathers ball sack, let’s not pretend otherwise, the human body may be beautiful, but that really is in the eye of the beholder. No one should be forced to see it, and that includes your kids.

Put your pants on and have some respect for the kids.