Not very interested in boyfriend’s nephews and niece

[Okorning]

Obviously I don’t make an issue of it. I do the polite thing and go to parties, buy then presents etc but honestly, I find them a bit of a bore.

Actually it’s not so much the children but the parents and grandparents that I find tiresome. The constant “Oh isn’t Esme so clever. One day she’s going to be prime minister and show us all how it’s done” this said in absolute seriousness. And “Freddy is going to be a great artist one day (because he painted a dog that was definitely average for a 10yo). We need to nurture that.”

I just smile and nod along but recently my boyfriend had a go at me for “not being supportive enough of the children’s talents”. All because I “only” donated £20 to Freddy’s art project fund. He and the rest of the family were disappointed at my lack of support and interest because I “could clearly afford more”.

Neither BF or I have children. Another bone of contention with his family as I am not particularly bothered about having children. I like my life and career. The women in his family see that as a threat to their choices. Both his mum and sister’s only ambition was to marry and have children. So I get the sarky “oh you career girls” comments regularly.

Is this relationship doomed?

What is Freddie doing, covering the Elizabeth Tower in sticky back plastic?!

It'll just get more and more miserable. The veiled insults, the unspoken sulking, the snide comments. You will stop loving your DP when he doesn't defend you or put you first.
Art fund. I'm guessing is more like gap year and you earn she'd loads so they thought be up for 500 quid or more. Especially if 20 quid is what you eg spend on a bottle of wine. But ffs to actually be annoyed about is beyond rude.

you need a new boyfriend , clearly you are not going to last .

@Okorning £20 is generous enough. But...shocker! Children (even other people's) can be interesting and bring out the best in you. If you want this relationship to last have a go at getting to know them. The children are little, but not stupid. They will realise soon enough that you're not interested in them and you might find yourself totally sidelined within this family, and that won't bode well for your relationship.

if your asking ... you know in your heart the answer .. it's not going to change and not what you want xx

If your boyfriend really wanted to live a childless lifestyle in central London, he wouldn't be in his family's pocket so much. Either he's just playing with that lifestyle and will revert to tradition after a while, or he's doing it to impress you (and will revert to tradition after a while).

Run for your life!

1. Who needs "outlaws" like that?
2. What kind of monster is Freddy going to grow into being raised with that kind of family example?
3. Do you want to be there to find out?

Harsh but true! Take it from a girl with first hand experience

Forget him

This is not the one for you.

I gave mynephew a fiver for his sponsored.... whatever it was. £20 is very generous.

Tbh this sounds very strange - I don’t see much of my own nephew and nieces ( and we have a happy relationship). I do not understand the concept of getting involved with someone else’s art project.

This is being in a relationship- accepting their families too or at the least turn up and be nice. Smile, nod be a nice person. He is probably doing the same about your boring family. If you don’t want that be single!!!!

I have to say I don’t know many men who spent their time leaning all about their girlfriends Nieces and nephews art projects.

We have been married for 20 years and my husband couldn’t even tell you what hobbies any of my nieces and nephews do. Let alone give money to them.

So maybe it’s another one of these tasks that’s only for people with vaginas.

OP me and DH have been together nearly 10 years, married over half of that

Even now there’s no chance I’d be expected to contribute anything towards an “art fund” or anything like that for any of our DN’s
£20 for effectively nothing is bloody generous!
His family sound mental, I’m sorry but if that’s how they are now they definitely won’t be getting any better with time

“All because I “only” donated £20 to Freddy’s art project fund. He and the rest of the family were disappointed at my lack of support and interest because I “could clearly afford more”.”

First, how TF do they know what you can or can not afford??? Did you tell them - or did DP?

Second, when I had conflict with my future in-laws my mum gave me this piece of advice: When you marry a man, you marry his family.
Now, granted, I didn’t read a word about marriage, but it’s something to think about.

Lastly, any relationship should proceed naturally, organically. You shouldn’t have to put in more effort with the DNs - you should want to.
Or not.

YANBU

I think it is very rare to be overly invested in children that aren’t your own blood relatives. I love kids. I have 2 young DD’s. I definitely feel much closer to my nieces on my side than my DH’s though. That said they are great kids and we have had some issues with DH’s. Even then my DSis would think I was very generous to offer £20 to an artist project’.

Personally I am cringing at the thought of myself or my kids asking for money!! Have they no shame?? Sod little Whoever and his art project. Sounds like they though you would be a soft touch for all their daft ideas.

Get rid of him. You and he aren't singing from the same hymn sheet. His family feel claustrophobic.

NearlyGrannySat 27-Jun-20 18:58:50
What is Freddie doing, covering the Elizabeth Tower in sticky back plastic?!
......
Exactly, I want to know what the 'art project' is and what others contributed. Also why your boyfriend couldn't put something in too if it was that important.

I really want to know more about the art fund...what funding exactly does a 10 year old need??

I love DS and think he is amazing. I don't expect other people to feel the same way!

Also - I am thinking of starting an art project, if anyone wants to contribute?

Apart from the family issue, are you happy in every other aspect of your relationship and on the same page about what you want for the future?

If yes, for me it would mean an honest conversation and stepping back from being so heavily involved with his family to a more "normal" level and him shutting down snidey comments aimed at you.

If no, I would end it.

Livpool, I got an 'A' in art and am willing to contribute my time and expertise, virtually :-).

It's doomed.if he wants kids and you don't. The rest would be put-upable I think