Not very interested in boyfriend’s nephews and niece

[Okorning]

Obviously I don’t make an issue of it. I do the polite thing and go to parties, buy then presents etc but honestly, I find them a bit of a bore.

Actually it’s not so much the children but the parents and grandparents that I find tiresome. The constant “Oh isn’t Esme so clever. One day she’s going to be prime minister and show us all how it’s done” this said in absolute seriousness. And “Freddy is going to be a great artist one day (because he painted a dog that was definitely average for a 10yo). We need to nurture that.”

I just smile and nod along but recently my boyfriend had a go at me for “not being supportive enough of the children’s talents”. All because I “only” donated £20 to Freddy’s art project fund. He and the rest of the family were disappointed at my lack of support and interest because I “could clearly afford more”.

Neither BF or I have children. Another bone of contention with his family as I am not particularly bothered about having children. I like my life and career. The women in his family see that as a threat to their choices. Both his mum and sister’s only ambition was to marry and have children. So I get the sarky “oh you career girls” comments regularly.

Is this relationship doomed?

They sound like hard work.

Can't find the post again or I would quote but I agree with the PP who said they feel entitled to your money because you have more than them.

That's not going to stop and your DP seems to be encouraging them. He clearly thinks a lot of his family and I wonder if you are as high on his priority list. Has he defended you? You maybe need to talk this through.

Just decide you're going to dump the guy, and then tell us what the art project is.

@FizzyGreenWater
Another great lost...on fire👍

OP,
Its doomed!

He's a CF(cheeky fxxker) with donation remark.
His sister is snide.
He sounds like a twat.

You sound great.
You know your mind.

Why would you be super interested in his sister's children 🙄🤔.

I think he'll want children and they do not sound like a family to be getting involved with.

I would get rid.

While you're deciding, I would blow off any further contact with them too.

Let him go down and spend time with them.

He's no prize.

I havent read it all but from someone with fanily in law issues which i ignored at the courting stage i send you my biggest advice: do not take it further with your bf. His family will put a strain and sour things.

Yanbu. What a bunch of wankers. I would be very straight with your BF if you're thinking ofcending it anyway in a nothing to lose kind of way. He may pleasantly surprise you.
His family sound very tedious and their expectations of you are just odd.
And beyond ungrateful re the art project donation!

At present if you and your BF are happy together thats all that matters I think .They sound fairly normal ,if a little old fashioned .Just delighting in their DC and DGC .Doesnt every parent want their child to rule the world! I think the comment about the £20.00 was a bit off though.Maybe take their remarks with a pinch of salt .As families go ,they could be a lot worse TBH!

You’re the one who sounds unreasonable to me.

Both his mum and sister’s only ambition was to marry and have children. So I get the sarky “oh you career girls” comments regularly.

I think you feel threatened by them and their easy relationship between each other with their ‘Harry’ comment.

Yes, I think your relationship is doomed because you haven’t grown up yet and learnt to appreciate that other people’s lifestyle choices are equally valid.

It doesn't sound as if you are a very maternal person. And that's ok (I aren't neither, after my son was born I chose to have no more).
But by admitting you aren't even sure if you want children, and your partner clearly adoring his niece and nephew would suggest at some point he would like his own children.
I do get it though when some parents think the sun shines out their kids arses it can become tedious having to smile and grit your teeth. You aren't the first to feel that way trust me.
You aren't a bad person you just aren't overly fond of kids. Probably best to think about your future with your partner though.
I won't say LEAVE HIM like others have it's a bit extreme right now but it's definitely something you need to think over.

I think you can do better than your bf. His donation comment is telling, tedious potential in laws and differing life choices aside.

Run while you still can, if you have children together they’re already doomed from the get go sorry

It’s so annoying my husband does this too

I'm intrigued as to what the art fund actually is and why a £20 contribution from you was no considered to be enough. Your fella could have chipped in £20 too surely? However, do tell what it is for.

Does his family know he is child free by choice? It sounds like you are being used to deflect criticism away from him and expected to suck it up.
Its actually a bit of a red flag they all had a go about the size of your donation instead of saying thank you.

You mention you visit every other weekend (prior to lockdown) and had daily zoom calls, That quite a lot.

@Lockdowners

Well the kids will grow up so that won’t be forever and you don’t want your own so there won’t be the ramped you contact and attention from them that always ensues.

Are you happy with your DP and do you love him? Does he treat you well? Are you happy with life in general and this is annoyance?

It’s quite amazing that it took five pages for these very sensible questions to be asked. The rest is noise.

Just because you’re a woman it does g mean you have to like kids! I’m only interested in my kids

I agree the ''art fund'' is odd. I have never heard of that sort of thing. Why did they do that? Art materials are not expensive - the parents should buy for their own children. What next? Perhaps they'll want you to pay for the child to go to Eton?!

Doesn’t mean* sorry autocorrect

@tara66

I agree the ''art fund'' is odd. I have never heard of that sort of thing. Why did they do that? Art materials are not expensive - the parents should buy for their own children. What next? Perhaps they'll want you to pay for the child to go to Eton?!

It may not be an actual 'art fund' - the OP may have changed details to remain anonymous, and the hobby could be some other expensive folly.

I have nieces and nephews through DH. He loves them all dearly. I like them very much, but they're not blood relatives to me and were all born before he and I met. I don't feel as connected to them as I probably should. I don't have any siblings though so no comparison with my own family. Maybe I would feel differently towards my own blood.

I don't think you can help how you feel. If it's going to be a major issue then you need to rethink things. If it's not (it isn't for me) then I would stick at it.

I just smile and nod along but recently my boyfriend had a go at me for “not being supportive enough of the children’s talents”. All because I “only” donated £20 to Freddy’s art project fund. He and the rest of the family were disappointed at my lack of support and interest because I “could clearly afford more”
Oh God this sounds so boring as well as annoying, entitled AND rude. Are you prepared for more of the same for years to come?

And if you got married do you think it would get better, or worse from both your BF and his family?

Is this relationship doomed?
Yes.

I think the complaint about your generous contribution to the art fund was uncalled for and grabby.
Parents and grandparents etc, do tend to seize on anything they see as a talent just because most of us want to believe our child has a talent, or a gift, of some sort - you only have to read the numerous 'my three day newborn can already use the potty, is s/he gifted? Posts that appear on MN. So, whilst you may find it a bore, to the parents grandparents etc, those kids are just wonderful. Just as my dcs and dgc are to me.
Your choice to be focused on a career, rather than a family is between you and your Dp, so his family need to be told to stop with he comments about that. I know how annoying it is from the other side - I chose to be a sahp when my DCs were small. And as a result, was at subjected to a lot of comments from dh's family about that. I enjoy several 'crafty' type pursuits and although not professional standard, my projects are a good standard and usually well received. I made a few things when BIL and SIL had their children and although they loved them (they are still displayed now, even though the dns have long since grown up and left home), I had so many comments along the lines of 'I don't know how you find the time -oh, of course, you don't work, do you're. Clearly looking after two toddlers, sorting all the housework etc is not working. So, whilst from the opposite pov, I understand how annoying it is when others make snide comments about your work choices.
I do wonder, though, given how your oh reacted, o you think he is secretly harbouring the hope that one day you'll suddenly declare you want children? And even if not, it sounds as though he is way more involved than you want to be. How do you see that playing out in the future? Will he always be expected to spend Christmas with them, for example? What happens when you want a couples Christmas? What about holidays cdi they revolve around his family? I'd think her seriously about how this pans out in the future because I suspect you may both have such different ideas about this, that your relationship will suffer.

Omg I’ve never even donated £20 to my own kids art projects.
(Sorry nothing more useful to add I’m afraid)

It sounds like your visions of life and his are not really aligned. I’d split for that reason.