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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at this gift request

353 replies

Jamielynn · 26/06/2020 18:50

Hi everyone! Just wanted some opinions whether I was being sensitive here and overreacting about a situation that’s happened recently.

I bought my youngest brother in law a birthday gift from Selfridges from a brand I’ve seen him wear a lot. Usually my (now) DH would get him something from both of us, but since we got married a few months ago we thought it’d be nice if I picked out something for him from myself. I initially wanted to give a gift card but DH insisted it wasn’t personal enough so I bought an expensive item of clothing that I thought was his style. I asked DH’s opinion and he agreed that it was lovely and he’d appreciate it

Now.. brother in law wants me to return the gift and give him money instead. He didn’t tell me directly but MIL told me that he doesn’t like it and would prefer if I returned it and gave him money instead.

Am I right to be a bit annoyed at this or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

LBB2020 · 26/06/2020 19:41

I’d return it, get a refund, stick £20 in a card and in the future leave it to your DH!

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 26/06/2020 19:44

I personally find it strange your DH thought it would be a good idea to give him a separate gift

EmpressSuiko · 26/06/2020 19:45

What has your DH said about his request for the cash instead?

Bluntness100 · 26/06/2020 19:47

Am I reading this right you both had to buy him separate gifts?

He’s twenty one, he’s not going to be rolling in it, he’s seen it’s expensive and fancies the cash instead,

Yes it’s rude, but your husband saying you had to buy him a separate gift is odd as fuck.

Starlightstarbright1 · 26/06/2020 19:51

I worry about the whole family you have married into .

Dh insists you buy present - it’s now legally joint money

Mil interfering in a gift to her Ds

Spoilt brat Bol

Starlightstarbright1 · 26/06/2020 19:51

Bil not bol

FancyPants20 · 26/06/2020 19:52

Take it back, give 50 quid to your MIL to pass to him, then never buy anything for your DH's side of the family ever again.

rookiemere · 26/06/2020 19:52

I think buying an expensive item of clothing for an adult is a brave silly move. However it was tacky of him to ask you to give you the cash when he could have have credit to pick something he wanted.

I like the idea of bringing it back and giving him half the cash, but it would probably cause family arguments.

Still at least now you don't need to do the present buying for DHs side of the family.

saraclara · 26/06/2020 19:53

I would never buy clothes for someone that age. I stopped even buying clothes as gifts for my daughters (who's style and preferences I know better than I imagine you know this lad's) years before that age.

Knowing someone likes a particular brand, doesn't help at all with their preference for colour, shape, style or fit. It reminds me of my husband and me saying we liked Denby pottery once. We did. A particular type and style of it. My inlaws bought us a dinner set for Christmas. One that was nothing like the usual Denby and in a style and colour we'd never, ever choose.
The name/brand isn't enough.

All the same, we didn't ask them for a receipt and the money back. Luckily some friends with very different tasted saw the set, loved it and bought it from us.

SisyphusAndTheRockOfUntidiness · 26/06/2020 19:54

Definitely give him £20 cash instead. And take your time about it. Because you're busy. And you barely had time to sort out his gift in the first place, he was lucky you had a gift card to buy him an expensive gift to start with, it's a shame he didn't want the hassle of exchanging it himself...
And your DH does the gifts from now on. Obviously, you don't want to get it wrong again.

Vik81 · 26/06/2020 19:58

If he has given you the gift back get a refund and spend it something nice for yourself. How incredibly selfish and rude that he would do that. Tell him his life lesson of bring grateful is now his new birthday gift.

ktp100 · 26/06/2020 20:01

I would return it, give him a fraction of the money in cash, 25 quid max, and tell DH that he can buy all of the gifts for his family from now on.

It's really weird to want you to get a separate gift AFTER you're married.

SamSeabornforPresident · 26/06/2020 20:03

It's not rude and ungrateful. If you spent a lot of money on it would you rather it hung about in his wardrobe for a bit before ending up in the bin? If you're offended that he doesn't like your taste that's one thing but you'd have been better giving him a gift receipt then he could have returned it himself and you'd have known nothing about it.

ktp100 · 26/06/2020 20:03

Actually, scrap that - I'd give him 20 quid and tell them they only allowed money on a store card so you bought yourself something utterly beautiful and totally unnecessary!

Cheeky sods.

Pretenditsaplan · 26/06/2020 20:05

Take it back and give him 21 pounds in coins. Maybe hell learn to be gracious esppecially if you came him the gift receipt

ferntwist · 26/06/2020 20:05

His request is seriously CF and how pathetic that he got MIL to tell you.
Very sweet of you to choose something individual for him now he’s your BIL. Ungrateful little tyke!

YouokHun · 26/06/2020 20:05

Bad mannered. If that was my son I’d be hissing at him to suck it up. Unbelievable that they’re asking for the cash. I’d take it back, get your money back and leave it at that. Stick with a voucher from now on or better still don’t waste your time and money.

twoshedsjackson · 26/06/2020 20:06

Could be a blessing in disguise; saves you from that bit of "wifework"!
The very first time you got lumbered with buying gifts for him, you missed the mark. I'd say this sets a good precedent for not risking it again. Tell you DH that he obviously knows his own brother better than you do, and resolutely refuse to risk that again.

heartsonacake · 26/06/2020 20:06

YABU. Surely you want him to have a gift he actually wants, rather than something you’ve decided to give him?

Just because he wears the brand doesn’t mean he likes everything that brand has ever made.

I hope you got him a gift because you want him to enjoy it, and not just to feel good about yourself. In which case you shouldn’t mind if he’d rather have the cash to get something else he’d prefer.

Retrovibe89 · 26/06/2020 20:07

My brother did the same thing when he was about 18/19 and I felt exactly the same as you. In my opinion it’s rude but I think it’s that age where they seem to forget all manners

Original poster

Jamielynn · 26/06/2020 20:07

@SamSeabornforPresident I mentioned this earlier in the thread - the store would only do an exchange with the gift receipt. That’s why they then asked me to return it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jamielynn · 26/06/2020 20:10

@heartsonacake no need to be patronising.

OP posts:

Needtolovemyself · 26/06/2020 20:10

So let’s get it straight, the men in your life think they run the show and women are for admin. Screw that. Incredibly rude. If your BIL cannot even ask for a refund, I would leave him to stew. Tell your mil no in a text so she can read it to her little boy...

Nicolastuffedone · 26/06/2020 20:11

So now that your family, will your DH be insisting that his brother buys you expensive birthday gifts?

Original poster

Jamielynn · 26/06/2020 20:12

@saraclara yeah you’re right. After knowing him for years I assumed I knew what he’d like and DH did too. That was a mistake on our part. In the future gift cards it is!

OP posts:

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