To be annoyed at this gift request

[Jamielynn]

Hi everyone! Just wanted some opinions whether I was being sensitive here and overreacting about a situation that’s happened recently.

I bought my youngest brother in law a birthday gift from Selfridges from a brand I’ve seen him wear a lot. Usually my (now) DH would get him something from both of us, but since we got married a few months ago we thought it’d be nice if I picked out something for him from myself. I initially wanted to give a gift card but DH insisted it wasn’t personal enough so I bought an expensive item of clothing that I thought was his style. I asked DH’s opinion and he agreed that it was lovely and he’d appreciate it

Now.. brother in law wants me to return the gift and give him money instead. He didn’t tell me directly but MIL told me that he doesn’t like it and would prefer if I returned it and gave him money instead.

Am I right to be a bit annoyed at this or am I being unreasonable?

I like the idea pp mentioned of taking it back but giving him the lesser amount cheaky sod!

Spoilt brat alert.

Doesn't like it? Tough. He should sell it on eBay then. You went to the effort of picking him something out and spending a lot of money on him, your responsibility ends there. It's up to him what he does with it, it's not up to you to take it back, get a refund and then give him the cash.

Not to mention how distasteful it is to outwardly say he doesn't like your gift, but not to your face. Oh no, to his Mother who has passed on the message.

Spoilt brat, and coward.

I'd return it and "forget" to give him the money. Ungrateful toerag.

He’s been incredibly rude. MIL should have told him so to instead of acting as the messenger. Take it back and give him £20 cash. Next year give him nothing.

@AdaColeman @AnneLovesGilbert absolutely! No good deed goes unpunished 🙄 I’ll be telling DH to handle these things from now on

if he didn't want an exchange and they stock one of 'his' brands, maybe all the flashy clothes are rip off fakes from ebay or a market?

If you included a gift receipt the polite thing is for him to exchange for another item or a voucher.

As he’s given it to MIL who has given it to you I’d return it for the cash, and allow him to go without both now and in future

No, if he doesn’t want it, exchange and give him the money. Next time though, your DH buys for his family. A gift receipt would have problem though.

He gave it to his Mam to ask you to do something with it?

Christ, he's immature isn't he.

Leave it to your husband to sort out and let him buy for his side from now on. No idea why you thought it would be nice to do this either.

I think it’s very rude to ask for money. Buying someone clothing is a very person thing so it doesn’t surprise me that you would get it wrong BUT You gave a gift receipt and it’s a brand he wears so he should just exchange it for something else. If he returns the gift I wouldn’t give him anything else. His mother is not teaching him very well.

How odd that since you got married you want to buy him something from you

Agree.

Take it back and buy him a Lynx gift set instead, asking for the money is just rude.

[quote Jamielynn]@CoRhona nice username! 😂
I know, DH kind of insisted though, since I’m now officially family[/quote]
Your husband thinks now a you're married y OU should spend hundreds of pounds buying his family presents and pretty much forced you it?

Your DH is a cf and I'd nip this in the bud now.

As for bil, I'd just say you haven't got time to sort it so that's why there's a gift receipt.

FFS he is 21, not 12. What an ungrateful man child

Sod him. Take it back and give him £20.

@Gingerkittykat hahaha love this idea!

Rude and ungrateful.
I would just reiterate that he can exchange it for something else. You don’t have time to go back and get a refund. Don’t bother putting effort in in future!

I wouldn't be bothered if he wanted to exchange it himself. Asking you to exchange for the money is weird and rude.

Your DH is being weird! It's more usual to buy separate gifts BEFORE you're married then joint gifts once you're married. Either way it's up tomYOU not your DH who you buy gifts for. There's no way I'd buy clothes for a 21 yo lad. You'll never get it right.

I knew as soon as you said “we” agreed, that it was your husband’s idea.
And then you said he was pushy about it. I know which brother is the actual issue here!

What’s the point in him having something he never wears? What a waste of your £100! What does it matter if he has £100 off you in fabric, voucher, or cash? It’s all the same cost to you. I come from a family where everyone wants the others to enjoy the present - whether that’s an item or cash.

Make it a one off - it’s his 21st, so easy to decide that was “a big one”, so an extra present.

And learn to say no when your husband wants something you don’t.

Being young isn’t an excuse for being a wanker. Take the item back and buy yourself whatever you fancy.

You have to go with @Gingerkittykat and change it for a Lynx gift set. A much more suitable present for an annoying man child. Stick a fiver in if you feel generous.

Why can't he return it himself? Then he can see of thrres something else he'd like.
And at 21 he shouldn't ask how mother to talk to you.
It was a joint present why can't your husband deal with it?

A 21 year old should show more respect, and balls to tell you himself instead of getting mummy to do it. I'm with the pp who said return it and give him less money! You know not to bother next year either.

It's fine not to like a gift. It is rude to go through MIL & demand cash or a gift card. I would refuse to return it if it was inconvenient to do so & tell him to give it to a charity shop or sell it. Or I would return it if I could be bothered but give him a lesser amount in cash or gift card & never buy a gift for him or MIL again & leave DH to deal with gifts for his rude family as he sees fit in the future.

I was taught that unless it is an inappropriate item, not just something you don't like, or an excessive sum of money you shouldn't accept, the only response to receiving a gift is thank you & then to keep it or not as you wish & I find it stressful dealing with family members who want me to exchange or return things so I enclose gift receipts & they can do it themselves. Some extended family think I am strange for accepting gifts I don't like & will never use whereas I think they are rude & ungrateful at times - neither party being entirely right nor entirely wrong, just different upbringing. Attitudes to gifts vary a lot between families & can get quite emotive.

Probably a little unwise to buy an item of clothing for a young man you don't know that well, particularly if he's got a certain type of 'flashy life style'.

I imagine he has very strong likes and dislikes and will only wear something he thinks suits his life style.

Take it back and forget to give him £20 to buy himself something.

*What’s the point in him having something he never wears? What a waste of your £100! What does it matter if he has £100 off you in fabric, voucher, or cash? It’s all the same cost to you. I come from a family where everyone wants the others to enjoy the present - whether that’s an item or cash.

Make it a one off - it’s his 21st, so easy to decide that was “a big one”, so an extra present.

And learn to say no when your husband wants something you don’t.*

This

Your husband is the problem here. Not the 21 year old