To be annoyed at this gift request

[Jamielynn]

Hi everyone! Just wanted some opinions whether I was being sensitive here and overreacting about a situation that’s happened recently.

I bought my youngest brother in law a birthday gift from Selfridges from a brand I’ve seen him wear a lot. Usually my (now) DH would get him something from both of us, but since we got married a few months ago we thought it’d be nice if I picked out something for him from myself. I initially wanted to give a gift card but DH insisted it wasn’t personal enough so I bought an expensive item of clothing that I thought was his style. I asked DH’s opinion and he agreed that it was lovely and he’d appreciate it

Now.. brother in law wants me to return the gift and give him money instead. He didn’t tell me directly but MIL told me that he doesn’t like it and would prefer if I returned it and gave him money instead.

Am I right to be a bit annoyed at this or am I being unreasonable?

A gift receipt will exchange for a voucher.

How does he have flashy cars aged 21?

@Merryoldgoat I will happily take your Tiffany earrings off you

Crikey you've had a lucky break! Leave IL stuff to DH. I'm sure your siblings wouldn't expect a gift from DH. Nice thought but knock it on the head. Ditto Christmas

And just seen you’ve just got married and early on in relationship.

Don’t set up a relationship that’s going to be a bit tense by digging your heels on over this! Just say “sure, enjoy!”

Don't couples usually buy a joint gift? Why did you get individual gifts after getting married? And why does your husband tell you what is and isn't acceptable?

@CoRhona nice username! 😂
I know, DH kind of insisted though, since I’m now officially family

Take it back and give £50 cash.

I think you're being unreasonable here. Style is very personal and it's not an insult to you that you can't read his mind. Wouldn't you rather he has something he likes? I think it's a bit sad this message came via his mummy but sometimes (sometimes) 21 year olds are a bit immature like that. What harm does it do you for him to exchange it?

I think I’d be saying that from now on the old approach of a combined gift from the two of you will be adopted. How sodding ungrateful! I’d do the exchange but swap the item for something for you!

He insisted? 🙄

since we got married a few months ago we thought it’d be nice if I picked out something for him from myself.

Eh? What an odd thing to do!

Your BIL is being rude, yes. I would have included a gift receipt to exchange and don’t see an issue with that. Expecting you to give him the money instead is rude!

Blimey £100 is a lot! I think he's been rude and churlish in his manners.

@Justheretobeclear I agree, I would rather him have something he likes. But I think he should have gracefully exchanged it himself instead of asking for the cash?

Obviously I’m looking for outside opinions though, hence the poll

To be honest, I don’t think it’s rude to ask to return it, as it’s so hard to get clothes right for someone else, but I do think it’s rude to hand it to mil to hand back to you. He should’ve at least given it back to you himself

@Jamielynn

There was a gift receipt - customer services would only do an exchange though. So they wanted me to take it back with the original receipt for cash/gift voucher. It was £100

Standard practice. Gift receipts are exchange only, if you want the recipient to have the option to return for a refund you give the actual receipt instead.

Tbh I can see why you’re annoyed. I feel like I’d give him money/gift card but not necessarily £100. Maybe give him less and if he dares to question why it isn’t £100, tell him you bought the actual item with a discount/on sale/used a gift card yourself etc

@Jamielynn

I’d be more than alright with him exchanging it for something he’d actually wear, but asking for £100 cash instead seems just cheeky to me

This will be why he wants the money. I would rather have £100 than have a top that costs that much. I would never be so cheeky as to ask for it though.

I'd give him your original receipt and let him take it back himself, either for a refund or exchange. But next time it's birthday or Christmas I'd leave the present buying for DH's family, to him. Don't get invovled, apart from helping choose the gift, if its not the right gift then it's not your problem next time.

Let your DH do the buying. He's offloaded that job onto you soon enough. I'd be more annoyed with him.
His brother. Pass the job back.

Staggeringly rude. I’d return it and give him a £20 note in future.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing I wouldn’t wear something that expensive either! But he only wears designer clothes, £100 for a tshirt is usual for him

Don’t take responsibility for buying his family guests. That’s bloody madness. Don’t do it! He insisted? Or what? Why can’t you say no to him?

I assume you have family and friends of your own. I’d return it, tell your husband to handle what happens about a replacement. You did as ordered, it bombed, you’re done now.

Honestly, you’re on a path to major conflict and this is an opportunity to get straight back off it.

Please have a read up about wife work. It’ll make your life unnecessarily harder. You might be married but you’re hopefully still an autonomous adult. Create some healthy boundaries and stick to them. The day my husband “insists” something is the day I laugh in his face and kick him out. We married each other because we love and respect each other, no one is the boss.

Your first lesson in married life must be how to say a firm NO to your DH @Jamielynn, otherwise you’ll have a lifetime of this crap from him and his mother!

I'd take the item back , get the refund and give him 20 quid 😂😂😂 how utterly cheeky to ask for the money instead. My mother would kill me, never mind actually say it to the gift giver for me 🙈🙈