To be annoyed at this gift request

[Jamielynn]

Hi everyone! Just wanted some opinions whether I was being sensitive here and overreacting about a situation that’s happened recently.

I bought my youngest brother in law a birthday gift from Selfridges from a brand I’ve seen him wear a lot. Usually my (now) DH would get him something from both of us, but since we got married a few months ago we thought it’d be nice if I picked out something for him from myself. I initially wanted to give a gift card but DH insisted it wasn’t personal enough so I bought an expensive item of clothing that I thought was his style. I asked DH’s opinion and he agreed that it was lovely and he’d appreciate it

Now.. brother in law wants me to return the gift and give him money instead. He didn’t tell me directly but MIL told me that he doesn’t like it and would prefer if I returned it and gave him money instead.

Am I right to be a bit annoyed at this or am I being unreasonable?

@NearlyGranny I’m starting to think this too...

My in laws gave me/us nothing on our wedding either (they apparently gave DH money for our honeymoon fund but this is the first I’m hearing of it - maybe he’s trying to protect them because he knows how bad that sounds out loud).. is this another red flag or am I reading too much into it?

So rude to ask for the money instead- he could have exchanged it for anything in that store! Sometimes if I see the ‘perfect’ present for someone I might spend a bit more money than if I just gave them cash. So I’d take it back and give him a lesser amount of cash. And if they are so rude as to comment, just say you’d gone over budget as you thought he’d like that particular item, but the budget was £X.

And definitely don’t bother again!

I suspect you're being 'othered' rather than welcomed...🙄

It all sounds like you're on the outside, tbh. Do you generally get on with MIL? It sounds like she's raising a little prince. I'm with - return the gift, keep the cash and buy the little prince a lynx body set.

I think you mother in law at least doesn't like you. Do you have much to do with her? You need to stand up for yourself and start out as you mean to go on.

YANBU, get your DH to sort this out and in future make it clear HE buys the gifts for his own family.

I like the swapping it for something for yourself and then hubby can shell out whatever cash he wants to for his DB. After all, DBIL is not interested in the sentimental side as your DH would have you believe, so it doesn't need to come from you.

I think it's a crazy amount to spend on an adult BIL in any case. 25 is plenty.

Surely if there isn't anything he wants at the time from Selfridges, he can use the gift receipt exchange for a gift voucher instead and spend it as and when he wants? That's the policy in most shops as far as I'm aware?

how long have you been married? did BIL get you a substantial wedding present and if not, why did you feel compelled to spend this huge sum on him.

What red flags have you picked up on with DH and the extended family?

From what you posted, it doesn't sound as if they are hugely fond of you. I wonder if the return of the gift and money request is a deliberate action to undermine bit it is easy to read too much into a situation.

Your husband ought to tell his brother and his mum that they are rude! I’m torn between:

1. Tell MIL you haven’t got time - i enclosed a gift receipt he is welcome to exchange it.

1. Return item, treat yourself with the cash and never mention it again.

1. Give him the cash to keep the peace, build a bridge and get over it.

Regardless I would never buy him a gift again. Leave it to DH to sort his rude family and you sort yours. Still can’t get over how rude they are!!!

And i agree its odd your dh thought you should buy his brother a personal gift?

What did he buy him out of interest?

This is so odd OP! Rude bunch of people too. I also don’t understand your husband’s insistence that you choose something when his family have hardly been forthcoming in that department?!

I’d give him the receipt and tell him to take it back and get something he likes.

@randolph78 DH agreed that it was the type of thing his brother would wear - he obviously knows him very well. My point was I didn’t pick out something completely random and hope for the best, I went with what I thought was his style. And as I’ve mentioned loads of times, he could have exchanged it or asked me politely himself to get a gift card instead. Plenty of 21 year olds shop at Selfridges

They really don't yougov.co.uk/topics/consumer/articles-reports/2019/10/02/miss-selfridge-seen-poor-value-money-among-younger

I'm not sure why you are accusing me of not RTFT? Or was that meant for someone else?

I can see that your OH thought he would like it - but he was wrong. In terms of exchanging it, what if there is nothing he likes in a shop which (see above) does not really talk to young people? I'd actualyl be horrified if my family were unnable to make such a simple request of me and I'd much prefer that they did in order to genuinely get something they want - which is the focus of a presents. if your beef is just how he handled the request to swop for something he actually wanted, then why not just talk to him about that? I think it would be fair enough to suggest to him that it could have been handled better. I still don't think his actual request was out of order though and this thread has perhaps got a bit muddled between talking about whether his request to swop is wrong or whether his way of handing it was wrong.

@Newmum3200 DH got him a new PlayStation game that bil had his eye on.

OP, several posters have asked what your DH bought for his brother's birthday.
What did your DH buy for his brother?

@randolph78 that article is clearly about Miss Selfridge which is a female clothing brand

Lol, cross post!😆😆😆

@Horsemad just answered above! A new game for his PlayStation

Sorry this is my first post here and I’m trying to keep track of so many messages!

No problem, everyone's keen to know the detail! 😆

He so rude, he should of just exchanged it. I agree with pp. Take it back go and exchange it for something you want and he gets nothing. Just keep forgetting to get cash out if they ask.

You could always say oh I dont give cash as gifts I could get you a gift voucher for another place and then just get less than the cost of the top and say you got it in the sale for £60 not £100 ha.

I think it's really rude of him tbh.

You bought him something that you thought he'd like based on his style - so designer labels etc... I have no problem if someone doesn't like something/the fit isn't right and wants to exchange it - great - gift receipt and off you go. You gave him a gift receipt so he could do just that.

I assume it was a brand you know he wears, but even if it wasn't, Selfridges has no shortage of designer labels etc... so he should have absolutely no problem finding something to his taste at a similar price point that he could exchange the item for. That is the appropriate thing to do.

To simply send it back with a demand for the cash is rude and entitled in my opinion. I wouldn't dream of doing something like that.

People's entitlement when it comes to presents these days astounds me; I was raised to be grateful for any gift and tbh I never expect gifts from anyone ever - birthday, Xmas, ever. I don't consider myself entitled to them - if someone does give me a gift I think it's a very lovely and generous thought and I express my gratitude - it's called manners.

Yes, it would be a waste for him to have something he won't wear but he can EASILY exchange it for something to his taste given the store where the item was bought.

I think for him to send the top back to you and ask for the cash is extremely rude. I'd send him a card back with £20 and go exchange the top for something lovely for yourself!

A game? Surely that must be considerably under the £100 you paid?!