To ask for all of my DD's baby clothes back?

[Tsubasa1]

Background= I have two SILs. SIL1 is particularly fond of lying, and I have caught her out many times over the years(but never confronted her).

I have been passing down my DD1's baby clothes to SIL2. The thing is she hasn't given any back, and now I'm having to buy a whole new wardrobe for DD2! The final straw was when I saw SIL1 at the weekend and her newborn (similar age to DD2) was wearing one of my DD1's hand me downs (that my DD2 should be using now). I was just shocked and I said, "that was my DD1's cardigan". -"oh yes" she replied. Then I said "I didn't get it back from SIL2". She says "Oh no she gave it to me for my daughter".

Then to my shock a few hours later she says. "Oh I didn't know this was your daughter's, I can give it to you" then I responded "You need to give it back to me". Then she rambled on about how she didn't know and this and that. But her first reaction tells me that she DID KNOW all along it was DD1s cardigan.

I expected SIL1 to be honest and bring back the baby clothes when my child might need them. It was our agreement to lend the clothes but always give them back. Instead they are passing them on to each other. Because SIL1's daughter and mine are similar in age, so if she gave them to me, SIL1 wouldn't be able to use them. I shouldn't have to be chasing them for every item, they should be honest and give them back. I think this incident will ruin our relationship forever.

I suspect SIL2 has given other items like blouses and dresses and shorts to my SIL1. I think they are in this together and decided to do that until I asked for the items back

YABU- let them do as they please and buy your DD2 a new wardrobe
YANBU- to ask for all the clothes back

Should I also ask for the newborn clothes that I don't need anymore back (sizes 0-9 months)? Just because I don't think they deserve anything from me? (SIL2 is expecting a baby in August)

[quote Tsubasa1]@loutypips I'm repeating myself here but I wanted her daughter to enjoy them before I had my baby. That's all[/quote]
Babies don’t enjoy clothes.

I’m sorry I just don’t understand “lending” clothing to someone.

You either keep it in storage or you give it away, it’s far too much hassle to “lend” clothing, remember what each item is and then give it back.

I would NEVER accept clothes on the basis of it being a loan. I'd be too worried about spoiling them. I've also never heard of anyone lending baby clothes in real life, I've accepted bags of clothes that have been "given". Sounds like far too much angst for the lender and the borrower to be worth the few quid to buy a few outfits from Asda or primark!

However, seeing as it was an agreement to give the clothes back YANBU but tbh I'd just leave it and maybe ask for anything back that really meant something to you. Don't take it out on the baby because you don't like sil1.

Who wants to be worried about keeping the clothes perfect incase they are expected back?

My sister lent me clothes for DS, some where passed on to other people, some where thrown away because they where ruined some where passed to her for her next child. Things I had purchased where also sent for her next child and I honestly couldn’t remember what it was that I had or hadn’t passed on.

The few special bits I kept. The rest I don’t care where it goes as long as it gets used!

I can't believe I wasted my time scrolling through this thread.

Op - if clothes have a sentimental value to you then don't loan them out before you are finished having children.

Otherwise accept that baby clothes lent are unlikely to come back. I can't imagine ever having lent children's clothes out. Given away yes, but lent? Too much hassle.

Life is too short for shit like this - it's only clothes.

But your SILs haven't finished using them yet. Maybe they intended to give them back to you when they have finished using them.

I said - she said - you both said a bit childish to be honest.

It's clothing - don't lend it if you are going to get like that when you see a child/baby wearing it (give it back now) - or lend it with careful written down instructions?

Strange

I think people are being very harsh to you OP. The SIL's seem grabby to me. They have have seen your lovely baby clothes and wanted them and have taken advantage of your soft nature by not offering them back when they are finished with them. Thats rude
I would definitely ask for them all back. My family have been passing baby clothes back and forth for years. They are always thought of as a lend and we always ask the person who first owned them if they want them back or can we pass them on.
I wouldn't be lending them anything else ever again. Practise saying no and mean it.

Honestly in real life I've never known any of this stuff to go on. Some people have given me clothes they no longer need. I have given some people clothes I no longer need. As far as I know, the only people that loan clothes are teenage girls 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Why on Earth would you loan somebody clothing anyway? I bought stuff for my kids, not for other people. Once it has done its job then yeah, give it away but I wouldn't want stuff back that another kid had worn anyway!?

If I buy stuff for my grandchild then it's up to my daughter what she does with it but I will be telling her very firmly to avoid loaning anybody anything.

I think either way they have show themselves in the foot, as now the clothes you buy for DD1 will be kept for DD2 when SIL could have used them in between

I think the replies are harsh.
People do loan things to others.

Years ago after 2 little girls my friend became pregnant with a boy. She hadn't any plans to have any more.
At this time I had a 2 year old son.

I loaned her 95% of his clothes, which she gratefully used and gave back to me.

No drama, I was delighted to do it for her and of course she knew that I would need them back, which I did when DS2 was born a year later.
But she was always a good 18 months ahead of me.

Eventually the clothes were past on again finally and were also gratefully used by a friend.

I had some gorgeous dressy maternity clothes which I also loaned a few times to friends.

This does happen among friends.

I think the OP has stated clearly she told her SIL1 that it was a loan.

SIL1 has just decided to do this off her own back.

The OP has every right to be pissed off that she hasn't got the clothes back as agreed.

I think the OP, should ask for her clothes back and NEVER give anything to SIL again.

[quote TowelHoarder]@Napqueen1234 I wouldn’t use 2nd hand clothes either, I know other people love them but for me one of the fun bits about having my own baby was choosing clothes for them, plus I was brought up in second hand clothes and I hated it, they were always faded and worn out and other kids used to make fun of me.[/quote]
Me too. My hand me downs were from my brother too. I’ve never done this to my kids.

If somebody offered to LOAN me baby clothes, I'd say no thanks. Hoe weird, I don't know know anyone ever in RL who would do this. You just pass baby clothes on and buy more. If you knew you were likely to get pg soon why not just store them? Sil's have done nothing wrong. OP, you sound very petty to actually say to sil about the cardigan her db was wearing "That's my daughter's cardigan. You need to give it back." Fgs, how embarrassing and rude. On top of all that, don't you want new baby clothes for your new baby instead of clothes that have been worn and washed multiple times by a variety of babies?

Buy a new wardrobe and don't lend anything out again, incase you need it in the future. X

A friend of mine came with a load of baby clothes and then said she will want them back. I never took them out the bag incase they became damaged.i pass all my daughters clothes down to my neighbour and tell her to pass them on when shes done. I think this is really strange op and to be honist these are family member so presumeably your neices and nephews wearing them why would you begrudge this.

I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time here OP. It must be a bit annoying that you passed clothing on while pregnant, knowing you’d need it down the line, only for SiL to pass on to other SiL rather than you!

@TowelHoarder @icansmellburningleaves fair enough I didn’t mean to offend I was just surprised! If you have more than one child do you hand them down to them if in good condition or just buy a new set for every child? I have two DDs close in age and can’t imagine the cost of buying everything twice DD2 gets loads of lovely hand me downs and a few new bits as and when. I can imagine at school age this might be different and I wouldn’t give her scruffy second hand stuff but I really don’t think she notices as long as it’s nice!

I don't understand why you wouldn't ask for them back, they both knew that you wanted them back.

Get your DH to speak to his sister "Hi sis you knew those clothes were only being loaned to you, ma y of them were gifts from my MIL so they are sentimental and we need them back not them being passed onto our other sister"

They are being very cheeky they want the clothes because they are from the UK and they think them better than what the can get locally.

Please get your DH to stand up for you.

I have borrowed and loaned baby clothes without issue, why do some people have to be CF and ruin it for others!

I'd also turn down baby clothes if they were loaned...i wouldn't have the energy to remember who loaned what and i'd be stressed out if baby spilt carrot round the neck or shit around the bottom...im finding these threads bizarre aswell.

Nobody 'lends' baby clothes you gave them to your SIL because she would get use out of them and she did the same. Don't ruin the relationships over a cardigan you can buy anywhere for less than a fiver.

A grown woman sulked for two hours because of a baby cardigan?!

This is all bonkers.

You lent the clothes. You made it clear it was a loan. So why haven't you just said, 'Oh, your daughter must have grown out of those clothes I lent you and mine will be ready for them soon, can I have them back now?'

I just don't understand why you expect her to have done it without being asked, and now are getting all passive-aggressively cross about that.

@myrtleWilson

A grown woman sulked for two hours because of a baby cardigan?!

It certainly appears this way.

I keep trying but I honestly just don't understand why you haven't asked for them back if you want them?

Although I'm firmly in the gifting not lending category if you want them back just ask her.

You dont need to involve your husband or make it complicated, if it means that much to you just send a texy saying

Hi X please can I have the clothes back that I lent you. Let me know once you jave sorted them out and I'll nip over to collect them.

It doesnt even require confrontation and would be much less stressful than sulking about it.

I don't understand why you'd give everything away if you were planning more children yourself?! Just opens you up to this exact situation.