My mother in law is driving me insane

[Mummytobe10101]

I’m going crazy. I gave birth 2 weeks ago to a beautiful baby boy. And my mother in law kindly came round and said she will stay with me to help me with the baby. I was happy with this at first but now I’m going insane and I want to cry. My partner really wants her here and finds it offensive that I want her to leave because he adores his mum and feels like her advice is invaluable. He is working at the moment so I am alone with her in the day. It is my mother in law’s culture for baby boys to get circumcised. Each to their own but I disagree with this. I despise confrontation but she has talked again and again today about when he’s going to be circumcised and both times I’ve said he’s not. She’s also criticising me because he’s having expressed breast milk instead of sucking from the breast. And she’s told me I’m not moisturising his skin correctly/ giving him constipation by not feeding him breast milk from the breast/ not feeding him enough just before bed/ the list goes on. And also she told me to massage his nose to make is smaller and mould it which really upset me. I’ve been in tears on the phone to my mum and she’s fuming. I just want to scream. I’m a new mum and I feel so judged and awful. Help :( :(

[AnnaBanana333]

like I said I would not force my child into doing something harmful.

That's exactly what you did. You put your newborn children through unnecessary pain and mutilation.

[MsMonkey]

Yes, it's almost as if you could excuse being babies by throwing in polite small talk about the weather.

Yeah, it's really not working is it. Also claiming not to be pushing it on that thread is a total lie too, 'it's what Jesus did!' 'Its cleaner!'

Babies can't consent to having their genitals mutilated- the sooner this abhorrent practice is outlawed for little boys the better.

[MsMonkey]

*this thread, not that thread

[StrawBeretMoose]

Hi @Mummytobe10101 sorry I got sidetracked and didn't say congratulations, and tell MIL where to go. Better yet get your DH to do it. She sounds hugely overbearing, even if it comes from good intentions - I'm not convinced it does but she will say so.

Also might be time to update your user name

[jollie99]

I have total sympathy. I went through this 20 years ago when my son was born. When my second son was born i was able to be a bit more assertive but eventually my marriage broke down. My ex and i are still on good terms but both recognise it was largely due to his mother. My advice now is to not let her come between you.
You need to be strong and just say you need time alone to bond with your son. Be polite and explain this to your husband too. Maybe you could set a time each week for her to come over and stick to it.

[jollie99]

This is a form of mutilation. We do not have the right to mutilate another person's body.

[SisterAgatha]

Seriously, just say “I think it’s time you went home now.”

[SisterAgatha]

Oh and my mother in law tried this shit with me and I told my DH that if she brought up my sons penis one more time I was going to start asking her how her vag is every morning.

If your sons penis is public property, why not her vagina? Or her perinium? How is your labia minora today MIL? Oh you don’t want to talk about genitals now? Neither do I, so zip it!

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Babies can't consent to having their genitals mutilated - the sooner this abhorrent practice is outlawed for little boys the better

As it happens I agree, but outlawing something isn't the same as preventing it - especially when "it's our culture" so often guarantees that folk will immediately tiptoe around an issue

As a PP pointed out FGM is illegal in the UK too, but it doesn't stop it happening

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-47076043

[IJustWantFiveMinutesAlone]

@KatharinaRosalie

don't leave her alone with the baby, she sounds pushy enough to actually go out and get him circumcised

My first thought

[imsooverthisdrama]

Tell her to fucking go ,
Culture or not she'd be out for even suggesting my baby was circumcised.
What the fuck is wrong with people

[MsMonkey]

As it happens I agree, but outlawing something isn't the same as preventing it

That's true of every single law we currently have.

As a PP pointed out FGM is illegal in the UK too, but it doesn't stop it happening

Well yes, but you could send the message that it isn't tolerated in a society by banning it.

[Mittens030869]

Yeah, it's really not working is it. Also claiming not to be pushing it on that thread is a total lie too, 'it's what Jesus did!' 'Its cleaner!'

As for the argument that 'Jesus did it', well the obvious response to that is that Christians don't do it. The teaching of the New Testament is that it's no longer a requirement. Curiously, the apostle Paul spoke about circumcision as 'mutilation'.

Jesus was born a Jew, that's the only reason that he was circumcised.

[hedgehogger1]

Are you ok the UK? I remember my MIL being there when my HV turned up once. HV asked me, privately, whether I got in with my MIL as she'd basically tell her to leave if not

[sunflowersandtulips50]

That is lovely of your DH being happy his DM is there when he is actually not there himself. Put your foot down and ask her to leave. You should be enjoying these precious moments with your baby. Surprised to that you allowed her in given the Covid situation. Can I ask where your own mum is?

[Sedlescombe]

When does your mum get a. Turn?

[woodhill]

Jesus was not a Muslim. He was descended from David and was a Jew Islam did not come about to the 7th century - I've heard it all.

think mil is totally out of order

[woodhill]

I was responding to Popsicle up thread

[MsMonkey]

Also to OP in case you return to the thread, her advice isn't invaluable, it's toxic.

I hope you find a way to remove her from your house as soon as possible, if she's still there.

[EmperorCovidula]

@woodhill he was a prophet in Islam, not necessary to be Muslim to be one. And being a Jew in all likelihood he’d have been circumcised because ritual mutilation in that manner originates in Judaism.

[Topseyt]

That isn’t invaluable advice. She wants your baby’s genitalia to be mutilated. At best it is interfering bullshit.

Don’t let her bully you. Tell her very firmly that you won’t be having your child circumcised. Never leave her alone with your baby because she sounds batshit enough to actually take him to have this done.

Why not take your baby and go and stay with your mum for a bit. Or get your mum to come and stay with you for a while? Whichever of those you choose, and even if you can’t do either, tell MIL to leave.

[EmperorCovidula]

@PopsicleHustler it’s pretty widely accepted in upper class Britain that ear piercing on babies is also wrong. It’s is also incredibly painful for babies. Many parents claim that children make no sound at all/fall asleep during the procedure. That’s the baby going into shock.

[woodhill]

No I get that about him being seen as a prophet in Islam but someone said earlier


"Jesus wasnt Christian, you're right. He was actually muslim. He was Jewish by ethnicity and yes, he was circumcised and in fact in the Torah and he prayed to Elah. Which is Allah in Aramaic the sister language of Arabic"

Jesus founded Christianity

[Mittens030869]

@woodhill Quite right. And Christians don't practise circumcision.

[woodhill]

Definitely not😊