Does it matter if he’s not the dad?

[SquishyBones]

My first grandchild has been born. My son and his girlfriend were not together at the time she became pregnant and she had sexual relationships with two other men in that time that they were broken up. But she told him the dates match and that he’s the father. He accepted this. Baby has been born and I love her so much. DS’s dad however (my ex) is certain that DS is not the dad. He says the babies skin is too dark, she has dark eyes (dark blue as most Caucasian babies have) and dark hair. DS is blonde and fair.

I have become very attached to the baby but whenever I share my excitement I’m told “be careful” “try to detach just incase” etc etc ...

The social services are involved and are acting as though DS is definitely the dad. AIBU to decide it doesn’t matter if he isn’t?? I’ve already become attached.

For gods sake get a DNA test done

For the babies sake if no one else’s.

She deserves to know who her dad is

@Viragoesque

I'm not asking for any further information, but your son being in prison is a massive dripfeed here.

Feeling so depressed and fed up. Want to do a runner http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3945117-Feeling-so-depressed-and-fed-up-Want-to-do-a-runner

Probably why ss are involved then.

From your other thread, I can see the baby is a bit of light in your life. However, you do need to know the facts regarding who is the father.

He needs a DNA test!

Was he in prison during the conception window?! This is insane...

Basing your idea of a vhilds parentage on their colouring is ridiculous.
Your colouring comes not just from the parents but from a whole combinations if different Gene's carried by grandparents.
Ine of my children is incredibly dark haired,eye and particularly skinned even though DH and I are fair. My mother has ver dark Mediterranean colouring that I never inherited so presumably he somehow has this. On appearance everyone would say it is impossible for DS to be my child.
Being a great dad and having a long lasting strong bond is difficult and doesnt require a biological connection, it takes commitment. Being a father takes t minutes- someone can create a baby and run. If your son is capable and committed to being a father it's a special thing. Just because the baby has different colouring doesnt mean anything. If everyone is happy that should be enough.

Dna test is needed. Saying that myself and dh are both dark haired and tan. Dd1 the same. Dd2 pale as a ghost and ginger. 100 percent our child

Of course it matters! Please get a DNA test done. If not for your DS then do it for the baby.

You saying they were not together at the time she got pregnant 😂 then asking if you are the nan 😂 FFS 😂

It's a bit odd to start another thread.

It really is a mess. I wonder if there is any counselling available for you? Maybe spend some time concentrating on you, you can't run your son's life.

It's a bit odd to start another thread.

In AIBU too. Pretty certain this OP started threads at the time the son was arrested too, one of which was deleted when she revealed the offence and it went badly. If it’s all true it’s a highly complicated and sad situation and random people on MN AIBU who are being dripped tiny bits of information and piecing things together from AS, are not going to be able to help.

The Op the clearly wanted to bury her head in the sand and for us to flood her with affirmations of its live that makes a parent and not blood.
When in actual fact her son sounds like a massive cluster fuck all on his own and that baby needs to be as far away and as safe and protected as possible.

Ouch. Get a DNA test. This is a human baby who has a father, whoever he is, and needs to know. Not a cute puppy who can be taken home by anyone within reason.

OP, your son as a vulnerable adult also needs to know whether he has lifelong responsibility for this child, and the parental rights that go with it, or not.

My children are very fair, white blonde hair and blue eyes - they were all born with black hair and looked a lot darker for the first two months! I have baby photos that really don’t look like they can be my children now.

I second the counselling having read some of your other threads. So many issues here and it's difficult to know the facts as there is conflicting information. Good luck OP