Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

Your DP is a tightwad and a cocklodger. Everything else is white noise.

Bunk beds, all the way. Your house, your dd, she’s there permanently, the others aren’t.

This. ^

If he's not happy about it, let him sell his present home, and you, yours, and buy something together. Or rent out both properties and use your joint rental income to buy a larger one. (DON'T sell your home to combine it with his rental income for another property. It leaves you more vulnerable than him.)

Move in yourself with just your daughter
Not a good sign he’s dictating what happens,

Two children there 50% of the time should get the bigger room. The young one won't care. BUT

Secondly, make sure you protect the value of your house in case of marrying or splitting up etc

This

I think the house doesn't suit you. Either rent it or sell it and buy another house that has enough space for everyone.

I would put your dd and youngest sdd in the bigger room and eldest sdd in the box room.

The house doesn’t fit your family. Why not sell both houses and buy a 4 bed. Alternatively just move in with your DD as he sounds like a dick.

@ItsSpittingEverybodyIn

Have you considered maybe selling the inherited house (and maybe his too) and buying a bigger house?

This. Is this a possibility? Then all children could have their own rooms.

I’m afraid that I think that the two children should be in the bigger room as they’re there half the week.

Your daughter. 1. It's your house. 2. She's there the most, has the most stuff stored there. What's the point in having a big room vacant most of the time.
Do they keep much stuff at yours?

I hope he doesn't think he should only be paying half the bills op? The two SD aré there almost half the time, and he should pay at least half for your DD plus himself.
It sounds like he's good at keeping his £ to himself, so make sure you divided bills by 4 and you pay 1.5 at most - as he's in your house rent free. Also make sure you are protected legally and that he has no claim on the house if you split.

I agree 100% with him paying for a loft conversation for his children. While a two year old might not need that space as yet. You are never going to be able to swap the rooms later on down the line.

Maybe 3 beds in the bedroom and use the box room as a playroom?

Stuff that!

Rent out both houses and buy one together. If your relationship isn’t ready for that, he needs to go live in his own house and you can visit each other.

Refering to the rent, is he actually making money from it? Because if he is a high tax payer, by the time he gets the tax deducted, pay the mortgage, insurance and keeps a pot for fees, repairs and maintenance, there could very well be nothing left from it.

Secondly, did you ever discuss your financial arrangements? Joint accounts or seperate accounts but paying in seperate amounts to bills so that you are left with si.ikar disposable income? Who pays for the childcare?

In any case, as things stand, yes, it is madness to expect a 2yo to have a large room whilst the two oldest have to share a tiny room.

Our two year old is only really in her bedroom when she's asleep. She does like playing in there but can't really be left on her own for long periods so she's usually downstairs where I can keep an eye on her. My older kids spend lots of time alone in their bedrooms so for me, it would make sense for the older kids to have the bigger room.

However, I wouldn't be comfortable with the situation you describe. Does your partner have way more disposable income because he isn't having to pay you rent? Why don't you both sell your houses and buy one which is actually big enough for your family?

@Sharpandshineyteeth

I agree 100% with him paying for a loft conversation for his children. While a two year old might not need that space as yet. You are never going to be able to swap the rooms later on down the line.

Be careful - if he pays for the conversion it could be considered improvements that increase the value and give him some sort of financial stake in the house. Last thing you need is to have to sell it to pay him off further down the line.

Your 2 year old should get the box room to herself and the older girls share the large room. Are people missing that they are there for nearly half the time? No way should they be treated as second class citizens. I’m a step mum and I get that many people on this thread won’t be and don’t understand the reality of the situation. Your 2yo won’t care but the 8 and 9 year old will feel very pushed out being cramped together in a small room while their toddler sister gets a big room to herself. It is so so important that the step children feel as much a part of your family as your child is.

This sounds awful for the kids. One tight father who can afford to get them a lovely bigger home to grow up on but won’t and one step-mother who has no issues with making them feel like they are not wanted. Hope their mum is decent to them.

Where do you currently live/who pays what?

When you move you will own the house and he will just split utilities? However he is the higher earner and has a rental income too?

Does he have a better pension? More savings?

How much maintenance does he pay given a 3/7 split? Very minimal I assume.
Who pays for the girls needs when you have them? Who pays for your daughters needs? Days out? Family meals etc?

Think about all these questions before you move!

Quarentini beat me to it.
I was just going to suggest looking into getting a proper loft conversion done if possible, so even if someone has to compromise with the box room for now, there is at least another plan going forward.
We had one done on our Victorian terraced house 5 years ago and it's the best thing we ever did. It cost around £40k but we managed to get a master bedroom with en-suite and another bedroom/study up there. It gave our three DD's the benefit of a bedroom each on the 1st floor.

@Lockdowners - that sounds a bit harsh on the OP. We don't know the family dynamic at all, but she's currently kipping on a blow-up mattress in her lounge for half the week so her stepdaughters get a bed!

I think the financial issues and role of your partner are the things that need addressing first and foremost here. His response to few home truths will speak volumes!

In these particular circumstances, his DC can share the box room unless he wants to contribute financially to securing them a preferable alternative.

You do have much bigger issues - this isnt a we cant afford to do anything about it you have lots of options

1. Rent out both houses and get a bigger house together - this does enable you to save your assets

2. Selling BOTH houses and buying a bigger one - but I wouldnt do this. Whatever you do protect your asset

3. A loft conversion

Whatever you do stop being a mug and just splitting bills and letting him keep his rent

Who has been paying rent on your 2 bed room flat - because with his house rent and what I suspect he earns why have you been living like this for 2 years.

A proper rethink is needed because he is taking you for a mug and now he is trying to do the same for your daughter

Those saying the 2 year old doesn't use her oom much. She will grow up, the older girls are growing away from toys, the younger girl is growing towards toys. At what point is OP going to be able make the girls switch bedrooms.

He wants to move into your house saving himself a fortune AND give his kids the biggest bedroom in your house but wont pay to renovate the house to accommodate his and your children? Not a great start.

I'd put the 2 yo in the small room for a couple of years as they rarely spend any time alone in their room. As she gets to 5-6 I would say she needs to her own space. So the two children have the bigger room 'on loan' for a few years. There should also be storage for the toddler in the larger room for her toys, which she can access easily.

The time DD needs a bigger room, the relationship may be on a more equal footing. Ie buying a home together or splitting up.