Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

[Notwiththeseknees]

@Onekidnoclue

Perhaps suggest you move into his rental property and pocket the rent from your inherited home so your income is more equal? See how he reacts!

Best idea so far...

[GoldenKelpie]

[quote newhousenewrooms]@quarentini this is exactly what I wanted to do! I wanted to convert the loft but he just moans that it's going to cost this much and that much. [/quote]
Interesting.

In that case his kids having the box room is a good choice. It will allow their father to become enthusiastic about converting the loft space for them...

[SenselessUbiquity]

Don't move him into your new house. It's a lovely size for you and your dd to grow up in and she can have sleepovers and you can have family to stay. You can date him, he can sort out his own, and his children's, accommodation as all adults do. Alternatively, if you want more than a dating relationship but a proper partner who has your back, sack him off and find someone else

[AdaColeman]

Well, he’s taking you for a bit of a mug. He lives rent free in your house, plus his two kids are there for half the week, AND he’s demanding the larger room for his kids. In addition, he’s keeping the rent from his own property! He’s getting the best deal for certain!

I’d be cautious about getting him to contribute to or finance large projects on your house, as when you split up, he could claim a portion of your property value.

I’d say your daughter should have the larger room as she is there all the time, and his kids can have bunk beds in the smaller room, otherwise for most of the week, the larger room wouldn’t be used, which would be silly in a property that doesn’t have much spare space.

I think you need to consider just what he is contributing to your life, and where you stand in his list of priorities.

[Notwiththeseknees]

@SenselessUbiquity

Don't move him into your new house. It's a lovely size for you and your dd to grow up in and she can have sleepovers and you can have family to stay. You can date him, he can sort out his own, and his children's, accommodation as all adults do. Alternatively, if you want more than a dating relationship but a proper partner who has your back, sack him off and find someone else

Even better idea!

[GhostCurry]

“ I'd put the 2 yo in the small room for a couple of years as they rarely spend any time alone in their room. As she gets to 5-6 I would say she needs to her own space. So the two children have the bigger room 'on loan' for a few years. There should also be storage for the toddler in the larger room for her toys, which she can access easily.”

This. The two-year old doesn’t need much space. She won’t be spending much time in her room anyway, she will be in the living space with you and her dad during the day.

[dontdisturbmenow]

Unless we know how long you've been living together and how your finances have been dealt with so far, it's impossible to comment.

[bumbleb33s]

I don't know if anyone's said this as I've not yet read the whole thread, but you sleep on a blow up bed 3 nights a week whilst 2 kids have your bed, I'm gobsmacked tbh.

[Iamnotacerealkiller]

So your OH,

1. Lives in your house for free.
2. Gets an income from his house as a result and doesn't share it.
3. Wants the lions share of your house for his children.

Fuck off!

[averylongtimeago]

This is about a lot more than who gets which bedroom.
Is he actually "living " with you or just "staying " with you?
If it's living- then you plan and pay for and work together equally.
Sounds like you are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking.

Protect yourself OP.

[TimeWastingButFun]

Is there a room downstairs you can use as a playroom where you can put most of your daughters toys so that it's just somewhere to,sleep? If so I'd use the box rom and save the bigger room for the 2.

[MrsNoah2020]

So first of all you need to speak to a solicitor. Don't assume that your DP can't acquire a claim on the house, just because you are not married, especially as there are dependent children who will be living there almost 50% of the time.

If you actually care about your DP's relationship with his daughters - and with you - don't make them share a box room. A much fairer solution is either to divide the larger room or to convert the loft. But you must speak to a solicitor first. You do not want to allow your DP to contribute to any work on the house before clarifying how this might affect the ownership of the house.

[fascinated]

He could get an interest in the house, you definitely need to see a solicitor.

[dontdisturbmenow]

@Iamnotacerealkiller, we don't know the ins and out. Its not clear who has paid what so far, what the difference in income is, if he actually draw disposable income from the rental, whether there was any talk of marriage before the inheritance came about.

There are many factors to take into considerstion before reaching the conclusion that he is a cocklodger and we only have very few so far.

[WanderingMilly]

Your house, your rules.
I would expect him to pay his share, it shouldn't matter that you inherited the house.
He is making a decision (to rent out) on his own house, you get to make the decision on your house...and you are incorporating his kids as well.

If it were me I would be saying the compromise is he either doesn't expect to pay anything and you set all the rules, or else he takes his fare share, pays something towards upkeep (not just half the bills) and on that basis, your DD can use the box room while she is tiny (she won't notice for a few years) and the older ones have the bigger room.

If he kicks off, I'd be saying, sorry mate, jog on...…

[cupoftea84]

Your biggest issue isn't the bedrooms it's your entitled partner.
I suspect you've realised that now. If he wants his kids to have better bedrooms he needs to pay for it.
As a previous poster has said if you buy a place together make him sell his place as well as you do you're equal.
However I'd be cautious about tying yourself to someone like this financially.
What would he say to living separately until he was willing to share all family money equally?

[PleasePassTheCoffeeThanks]

If he is happy to put his rental income in the joint pot then you decide the room allocation jointly. If he wants to keep it as his, then the decisions about who sleeps where in your house are yours only.

[ExtremelyBoldSquirrels]

@PlatoAteMySnozcumber

In these particular circumstances, his DC can share the box room unless he wants to contribute financially to securing them a preferable alternative.

I agree with this.

The OP’s partner has a house that he rents out. Currently they live in the OP’s 2 bed and his children don’t even have a room. The OP is nice enough to give them her bed and sleep in the living room.

The OP has now inherited a larger house. Her partner is only going to be contributing to bills but he wants the children that he currently cannot be arsed to house properly to get the best bedroom, at the expense of the OP’s daughter.

He doesn’t want to pay for a loft conversion, or consolidate to provide a larger house. He just wants to have his cake and to eat it too.

It is his responsibility to ensure that his daughters are adequately housed. He appears to be taking responsibility for doing that for none of the three children he has. The OP is, and it seems perfectly reasonable that she should put her DD first. An actual box room is actually an upgrade on the current situation for the other two girls.

[AlwaysCheddar]

You need to see a solicitor to make sure this house is protected for you and your kid, so your DP doesn’t get his hands on it as I can’t see the relationship standing the test of time

[Boulshired]

It would be perfectly fine to have DD in the box room if you had no options, its what many people do. But there are options but for whatever reasons your partner is only interested in what’s best for him. I would not be moving him into the house until I knew his long term intentions and guarantees. He is stopping his children having a decent size bedroom.

[SummerDayWinterEvenings]

@SenselessUbiquity

Don't move him into your new house. It's a lovely size for you and your dd to grow up in and she can have sleepovers and you can have family to stay. You can date him, he can sort out his own, and his children's, accommodation as all adults do. Alternatively, if you want more than a dating relationship but a proper partner who has your back, sack him off and find someone else

Oh God yes. He is taking you for a ride. He lives with his rent free -and gains rent from somewhere else and pay a contribution to bills. F*k that. You move into his and make a contribution to bills only and rent yours out. Totally unfair.

This is why I wouldn't live with anyone again. He is totally taking the piss. He pays rent for the room he has for the children and himself -or he doesn't move in and he GETS no SAY. Why the hell should your daughter get a tiny room in a house you have inherited whilst him and his kids get the bigger room for free?? I don't get this. At all.

[Gatehouse77]

I’d put the 2 year old in the smaller room for now and rethink when she’s older and more likely to spend time in there other than sleeping.

But I’d also be having a frank conversation about finances moving forward. Who owns what, who would get what should you split, what you both feel is a fair contribution to everyday life, how much to save and what for (e.g. a loft conversion), who’s on which deeds, etc.

[SummerDayWinterEvenings]

@AlwaysCheddar

You need to see a solicitor to make sure this house is protected for you and your kid, so your DP doesn’t get his hands on it as I can’t see the relationship standing the test of time

Totally. He is playing you OP -I wonder how quickly you will get married now you have a house -he'll probably want to ensure his other DD get a fair whack of the inheritence

[Reedwarbler]

As others have suggested, I think selling both properties and buying a more suitable one would be the way to go. This house (and how do you inherit without a death? Someone else asked that and didn't get an answer. I am intrigued) doesn't really seem big enough.
My then partner and I (now husband) did this years ago, we don't have children but pooling our resources enabled us to buy what we want, and something that singly we would never have been able to afford.
I hope you are not sharing bills 50/50.

[ExtremelyBoldSquirrels]

If you actually care about your DP's relationship with his daughters - and with you - don't make them share a box room. A much fairer solution is either to divide the larger room or to convert the loft.*

See, this is often the problem for stepmothers.

Why on earth is it her responsibility to take care of her partner’s relationship with his daughters? Surely it is up to him to house them properly.

He owns a house and rents it out.
The girls currently have no room of their own at all.
He doesn’t want to contribute financially to making this house bigger.
But he wants the bigger room for the children he’s not bothering to house properly right now.

Why on earth should the OP care more about his daughters and their relationship with their father than he does?