Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

[shirleybanister]

Realistically, the 2 yr old wont have as much need for a larger room as the older two.
They will be with you for almost half the week. They are probably sad that their dad isn't living with them 24/7 and may miss him a great deal.
It would be a pity if on their visits to you they were made to feel unwanted, which I think is what will happen if you put them in the box room.

[Br1256]

Everyone is talking about his and her daughter(S) ...but the two year appears to be the child of both adults. ...op says ‘our daughter’ ...Perhaps he is worried the older children will not want to visit if they don’t have a decent amount of space. I think the 2yr old would be fine in the smaller room for a few years. I would try the two year old sharing with one of her step sisters but this may make bed time a bit problematic for the older child.

However I do agree with comments re rental income from the second house and the possibility of buying somewhere bigger/loft conversion.Are the financial arrangements you had previously relevant ..did he keep all the rental income when u were living in a flat...is the rental income used for maintenance payments...

Good luck

[endlessstrife]

This whole situation depends on how you see yourselves. Are you a family unit who seeks to make a home for three children, or is it about leading separate lives, what’s your is yours and what’s his is his? Only you can answer that. As a family unit I would suggest selling both houses and buy one larger home. In the second scenario you should rent yours out too and rent a large property together. On a practical level the box room sounds far too small for two children and certainly wouldn’t make them feel welcome, but I guess in this scenario that isn’t a consideration, it’s just about practicalities. This house you’ve inherited should be a blessing, and not a noose round your necks. As a sideline, make sure you don’t incur income tax on this gift. Not sure on this, so do check.

[GarlicMonkey]

Your DD should definitely get the big room. It's her permanent residence. If he doesn't like it tell him to pay for an extension or loft conversion.

[Louiselouie0890]

I'd put the baby in the box room on the terms that he fixed the loft up over time for when baby got older? I actually agree with him babies don't need a big room

[Di11y]

you need to sell and get a bigger place if he wants his girls to get the big room. although a decent box room is fine for a 2yo, maybe the big room could act as a play room when they're not with you.

[KarmaStar]

Sorry,I agree with your dp,a box room is not big enough for two children to share.it will be their home as well,no matter how many nights they sleep.
Do up the box room in a beautiful themed room for your dd,whether it's safari,princess,or magical/mystical,whatever suits her nature.
It will be wonderful for her and the two older dc won't feel like guests.

[SpiderStan]

Can you honestly say that you can comfortably fit two children of that age in that box room? If so, then go for it.

What about this as a suggestion? Bunk beds in the larger room, but also make it into a play room for DD. That way, the two older children have a bit more space when they do stay over, and DD gets a nice small bedroom for her bed and a few nice things, alongside a playroom which she can use during the day when the older kids aren't really in there.

Or.. sell up and move to a house with better space for you all.

[TheWomanTheyCallJayne]

@SoupDragon

the house will be your DD home it will not be your step childrens as they are just visiting

That is a horrible thing to say given they are there nearly half the week.

I agree. Not very kindly put.

I will add, I would also assume that they have at least one other room, maybe a room each, for the half they're not there too. This is OP's daughters only room.

[AskingforaBaskin]

Then their father can come to a solution.
Sounds like the relationship is not in a good place.
My response would be this is from my family, it's my house and my child will have this room.
You and your children can have this space when you visit.

[birdwatching]

wouldn't the older ones also not need more space? they live there half the week. What about clothes (there won't be space for anything beyond bunk bed in the box room), some toys/belongings, books, a desk? they will need a place to do homework etc.

[Andwoooshtheyweregone]

Your daughter should get the bigger room. Bunk beds will be fine for his two and it’s important they have their own space, it doesn’t need to be the biggest room.

[hellywelly3]

Sell his place and use the money for an extension.

[forrestgreen]

I think the room thing could go either way. There's pros for both sides. Is there a play room your daughter could have downstairs if she had the smaller room?
But I don't like your financial setup tbh, your partner seems to be benefiting from your arrangement more than you.
He either pays half rent to you
You rent out yours and rent/buy a big enough house etc

[lightsout]

Honestly I think the 2 year old should have the box room
The older two will feel really cramped and they’re there half the time and won’t feel welcome like that for half the week.

I’d probably look into an extension to be able to add an extra bedroom or make the box room bigger with an extension whatever the layout of the house is for long term because it won’t work for you once your toddler gets older too
Or rent it out for income and get somewhere more suitable for your blended family needs since it’s owned outright x

[istheresomethingishouldknow]

Don't live together.

Or propose you both live in his house rent free and pay what he was 'willing' to pay while living in yours while you rent yours out and collect the income. His response will be very telling.

[Apileofballyhoo]

If be considering not moving at all. Stay where you are and rent out your house for extra income for yourself. See how he likes that suggestion.

[violetbunny]

If I were you, as your finances are not shared I would rent out your inherited house and then both rent somewhere together that can accommodate everyone to their liking. That way he is paying his share. Then if you decide this relationship is serious enough to blend your finances, sell your rentals and buy somewhere together.

[PeachyPeachTrees]

[A 2 year old only really uses their bedroom for sleep. They play with their toys downstairs. The 2 older girls should get the bigger room.]

However, with all the extra info about their Dad, his rented out house and higher earnings. In your situation, this is not what I would do! You either need to live in your own houses or sell them both and buy the correct sized place and share assets and earnings equally. Or rent both and take your own rental incomes and then separately rent a house big enough, together. See how the relationship goes before getting stuck.

A lot to think about...before...he moves in or has his kids picking a room!

[honeybee88]

No worries. You know what they say " great minds think alike"😀

[Lmcd18]

If the two rooms are connected you could knock the wall down an make the two rooms of similar size that way it keeps everyone happy as I can see both points of view

[Turtletotem]

Honeybee looks like we had the same thought. Sorry i didn't see that 😊

[Turtletotem]

That should say all the girls together in the big room.

[Turtletotem]

I would give the girls the biggest bedroom in the house. Bunk beds for the bigger girls. Then make a toy or tech room with a little sofa maybe so they can have time apart when they need it. That way it's fair and the 2 year old has the big room to herself 4 days each week and the other girls feel equal.

Agree about the financial stuff that needs sorting out.

[ivykaty44]

Sell both houses and buy a 4 bed place
If your not that stable a relationship Or that’s “ not what he wants to do” then your daughter gets the bigger bedroom