Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

[Ouchjuststoodonlego]

[quote newhousenewrooms]@quarentini this is exactly what I wanted to do! I wanted to convert the loft but he just moans that it's going to cost this much and that much. [/quote]
Well then he doesn't get a say, does he?
If he so t make sacrifices for his children, why should you or your daughter?

Either, he contributes and changes the loft and his girls get the larger room in the interim
Or, he doesn't and they have the smaller room.

He can't have it both ways.

[Stepmomstepmom]

Ah. Other comments have now appeared. He does sound a touch greedy if he is renting out his home and living for free in yours. Definitely charge him rent then use it to convert the loft. That's a great idea. Have you had any legal input also? I'm not sure what the legal standing is if ye broke up and he is contributing or claims he is?

[EducatingArti]

I agree that he should share the rent he gets for his house with you

[HollowTalk]

Wow, you have met the ultimate cock lodger! Whose suggestion was it that he didn't pay any rent to you but kept all the rent from his own house himself?

[Flyingagainstreason]

Does your DP pay anything towards upkeep?
Do you have a joint savings account for big jobs?

The easiest solution would be to convert, or both sell up and buy a bigger house.

Neither of you seem very committed to letting go of being independent even though you have a child together.

[Chasingsquirrels]

Just my experience 're the rental income / unmortgaged property.
Everyone does it differently, but other experiences may help.

My late DH moved in with me. He earned a lot more than me.
My own house was mortgage free so only bills.
Late-DH had previously been renting a place he lived in, and had a mortgaged house he rented out.

He transferred a sum each month that equated to my drop in income (tax credits) and additional costs (council tax and extra utilities). He also brought about half of the food shopping (for him, me and my 2 children) and paid most of the time when we went out.
His older children didn't come and stay with us.

He didn't want me to be out of pocket by him living with us, and he wanted to share his standard of living with him.

[TeaAndHobnob]

Agree with others. He should be saving his rent money to convert the loft for his daughters if he's that bothered. Until then they get the box room.

And once he's saved up the money you then go to a solicitor together to get a signed agreement to say he owns £XXX of the house (cost of the renovations) so there's no arguing over what he's spent down the road.

[Chasingsquirrels]

Also, you say he keeps the rent - but is the property mortgaged? If so, and with upkeep, insurance etc and then tax he may not actually be making much profit from it.

[morriseysquif]

Put the DP in the box room, overnight for visits and live in your lovely house yourself.

[GreyishDays]

How long have you been with him? It sounds a bit precarious.

Room wise I think for three nights a week the two girls need the bigger room I’m afraid.

But I’d be really concerned about how this is going to pan out. It looks like you’re thinking about it though.

[RedskyAtnight]

He's paying no rent yet isn't investing his additional income into the property?

When these threads come up, it's normally suggested that the person who doesn't own the house absolutely does not pay a penny towards it or they could claim a financial interest in it in the future.
Paying rent is the answer, I guess? But presumably OP and DP will agree finances before they move in?

On a side note, how can you inherit without losing anyone? Is it an ancient family property, held in trust for the oldest daughter until they are 32 (or something)?

[MotherofTerriers]

Hang on, he earns more than you, and is renting his place out and keeping the rent? This is your house, yours and your daughters. She is there all the time, and she gets the bigger room. If he really wants to blend families, and provide better/bigger space for his girls, then he can put his hand in his pocket and pay for an extension, or buy somewhere bigger with you to share.
Otherwise he will get to live for free in your house apart from sharing bills, with your little one in the box room. You'll resent that. Protect your house, make sure he doesn't have a claim on it

[crusheddaffodils]

The thing that jumped out at me was him getting rental income but only splitting bills on the home for the five of you.
As the older girls are there a lot, it really should be treated as though it's their home too. I would put the two year old in the box room, but only for now and make it clear you are only happy with it for a fixed timeframe (in my experience, they spend very little time in their rooms other than to sleep until school age). BUT, this would be on the condition that the loft gets converted and your partner contributes properly to this. It will complicate things in the event of a split though.

[HostessTrolley]

Could his eldest daughter go in the box room and his younger one share with your dd? That way the SDs each have more space but your daughter has the bigger room to herself when they’re not there?

[Frazzled2207]

I don’t think there is an easy long term solution - but certainly at the age of 2 your dc will not complain about being in the box room. Your dc needs more space for toys than the older children though.
Longer term you definitely need an extension or bigger house though and putting the older children in the box room will probably help him understand this (seems a bit though)

[Happydaysforever123]

OP I do kind of think the older two should get the larger room. However I can see why you wouldn't want to. But please, please don't just take money from him for rent or a loft conversion without checking with a solicitor that you're not setting him up to have a claim on your house if you split up in the future.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"I wanted to convert the loft but he just moans that it's going to cost this much and that much."
Ahh. You have a cocklodger. Essentially a parasite, but it flies under your radar because you think you're in a relationship with him. Well, you are in a relationship with him, just not the relationship you think you have.

Time for The Talk. He pays minimal living costs and pockets the rent on his place. He also earn more than you. Really sweet - for him. You, of course, are subsidising his lifestyle without realising it And now he wants to take command in your new home. I would honestly be laying out the reality to him and telling him to buck up his ideas, or leave. He's taking you for a mug.

[Frazzled2207]

Seems a bit mean I meant to say

[StopGo]

This man has a sweet deal. He and his DC live with you at minimal expense whilst he rents out his own home.
Cocklodger territory.

[Rainbowqueeen]

How are you splitting the bills OP?
Please say it’s proportional to income not 50-50. He should also be contributing the cost of his children when they are there.

[TheBouquets]

It seems like the world is full of what MN calls "cocklodgers". It is so demanding that he thinks his DC should get the bigger room and your child the tiny room. He wont contribute other than the running bills and expects his DC to be given priority.
I don't know why so many woman put up with all these "cockledgers". I had one but soon sent him on his way. Female relatives and friends appear to be giving a home to similar types. It is not what our daughters should be learning.
I think OP needs to look at the whole relationship and find out what this man brings into her life other than demands. He should be providing for his own children.
You could live separately and date.

[Sunnydayshereatlast]

Your dd is there full time. Should have a bigger room. Presumably his dc now have a decent bedroom at dm's?
Unless he is paying his /those way he should be a visitor only.. You split up - imagine his savings?!?!

[Neeks888]

Maybe 3 beds in the bedroom and use the box room as a playroom? Or have the 2 girls in the box room but have their toys etc in the bigger bedroom. You can always convert the loft in years to come, maybe your partner can pay for it as he’s living rent free!

[eleventy3isthemagicnumber]

The right thing to do is put the older girls in the bigger room, and the 2 year old in the box room, but only while you both get on with putting time and money into converting the loft (or some other solution that ends up with more space). And seeing as he earns more and it's his DC, he should put more in.

The real issue here is that this option isn't on the table.

And then that brings up all sorts of other issues. For example, you need to be very careful about him not having a claim on the house, if he's got the attitude that what's his is his, and what's yours is his too, so the solution here isn't even as simple as convincing him to spend the money.

[MrKlaw]

I guess the 'equal' thing to do would be you also rent out your house, and you jointly contribute to a mortgage for a third house with 3-4 bedrooms of suitable size.

he's pocketing the rent from his property, but you're both living in the 'free' house therefore saving him money and preventing you from income if you rented.

I'd be ok with the 2yo having the smaller room for now, but you need a longer term plan too so they aren't stuck in it forever. Is the larger bedroom big enough for three to share (maybe not while the little one is so young, but when they're a bit older)

Is there a mixed-sex thing to consider too? Eg if they aren't all girls maybe the odd one out will need the box room eventually