Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

[JustC]

Def with you. Your daughter is there all the time. If fact, given that you are doing a room for them in your house, I fail to see you he is even having any issues.

[lanthanum]

If it was EOW, I'd say your child gets the bigger room, but if they're with you almost half the time, I think the older kids might need it. Give it three years, and they'll need to be doing homework in peace and quiet, and that won't be easy sharing a boxroom, where presumably they'd be on bunkbeds and not much space left over for a desk.

Longer term, presumably you could consider selling and moving somewhere with three good-size bedrooms, or a fourth. Perhaps you should have a joint "next house" savings account.

Larger room for the part-time children also makes it easier to have guests to stay when they're not there.

[newhousenewrooms]

@quarentini this is exactly what I wanted to do! I wanted to convert the loft but he just moans that it's going to cost this much and that much.

[Chasingsquirrels]

The rental income is a whole other can of worms which you need to address.

[sqirrelfriends]

OP, I would have a bee in my bonnet too. He gets to pay minimal living costs while taking in rental income. I wonder how it would go down if you decided to live in his place while renting yours out (and taking the income for yourself).

[Haggisfish]

In the longer term I would actually look to have some of the internal walls moved to even up the sizes of rooms if possible. But your partner sounds a knob tbh.

[RedskyAtnight]

2 year olds don't really use their bedrooms apart from sleeping in though? Most of her day will be spent in the lounge/communal areas of the house. 8 and 9 year olds are much more likely to spend at least some time playing in their room, and that small room sounds way too cramped.

I'd suggest putting DD in the small room and reevaluating in a few years time, by which point your DP's children may be visiting less and/or you'll have had to move again anyway.

[Bluntness100]

To be fair on this I’d put the two year old in the box room and the two kids in the bigger room. That room is tiny for too older kids.

However if you’ve other issues then address them.

[picklemewalnuts]

He's not paying his way, and wants to have the bigger share of your house.


Ok. How about suggesting he pay rent for the bigger room so you can save up for extending the loft?

[picklemewalnuts]

He should be splitting the rent with you, as you are splitting your house with him.

[picklemewalnuts]

Actually I'm getting angrier with every minute. Cocklodging cuckoo!

[Dancingalong]

Is there anyway of splitting the larger bedroom in two so you have 3 smaller rooms but they all have there own?

[peachypetite]

Bloody hell OP he’s taking you for a right mug. Who gets the bigger bedroom is the least of your worries.

[TheQueensCousin]

@quarentini

Can they have the box room in the short term and their dad use his rent money to go into the loft to do them a bigger room ?

This ^^ most definitely!

[Diarytime]

How old are the other dc?
The 2 year old could share the large room with one of them and the other, oldest one can get the box room to herself?

[Stepmomstepmom]

Bunk beds. Can you fit a bunk in, or a small double?? I know your littlest is only 2, but the bigger room will be her permanent playroom too I imagine??
I suppose you could consider keeping her toys and clothes in the big room wardrobe and let the other 2 sleep there, but what if they start to come less and less and one child ends up with the big room and the permanent residing child is still stuck in the little room? Hard to know. I say do what suits you. It is your house, but it is 2 yos permanent home.
I also await the step parent police judgement here....

[LoafingLiz]

Move in with just your DD. Enjoy your house together.

[TheQueensCousin]

@Dancingalong

Is there anyway of splitting the larger bedroom in two so you have 3 smaller rooms but they all have there own?

This ^^ as another option.

[ItsSpittingEverybodyIn]

I've been here sort of. My toddlers used to share the box room and my step daughter kept the large room. However it became a squeeze so I gave them the bigger room and moved her into the box room, but I redecorated it and bought new furniture and she was really happy.
My first thought was your dd should have the big room, I have a 3 year old and she has so much stuff and it's handy to stash it away in her room. But two much larger children are going to be quite cramped in the box room I would have thought? I assume you'll want them to be able to go and chill out in their room if they wish, not just for sleeping?
It's a tricky one.

[SadSisters]

I don’t really see how two children can manage in a box room. I have a box room and there’s simply no way two children would be comfortable in it. If it were one night a week then perhaps fine, but if you have them three nights they’re with you almost as much as they are with their mum. I think they have to have a space which is actually big enough and usable to them. Especially as your daughter is only two - it will be years before she spends any meaningful amount of time in her room other than to sleep, so how much space does she really need?

[MairzyDoats]

Yep I don't think everything is right here either... He's paying no rent yet isn't investing his additional income into the property? Nice set up for him OP!! I think I'd be ironing that out pronto!

[GracieLane]

I would give the 2 year old the box room. Because a 2 year old doesn't need more space than that, because the older two are there nearly 50% of the time and giving them the short straw could lead to resentment and them wanting to stay less. This way they would all have roughly the same amount of space but toddlers room would just be for the toddler IYSWIM. Some kids end up preferring the small cosy room if they've always been in a small cosy room! There's no reason the 2 year old can't be in that until the others are old enough to leave home

I would also be talking to him about contributing some more to the family budget from his rental income. Because that seems unfair.

[ItsSpittingEverybodyIn]

Have you considered maybe selling the inherited house (and maybe his too) and buying a bigger house?

[MostlyHappyMummy]

What @loafingliz said is only logical solution
Continue your relationship by dating if you like
But no need to live together
The only person who benefits from that situation is your partner

[morriseysquif]

Is there any way you can reconfigure the space? Move walls?