Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

You need to reassess your whole relationship really, it sounds like he is taking advantage of you and you may be better off without him. That would solve your problems, he can take his kids with him and pay you maintenance for the one you share with him.

It's your house and your child is there permanently. Your stepchildren will have to share

IMO (forgetting about him getting all the rental income from his home and contributing nothing to you for rent) I would put the 2-year old in the box room. The older two need more space and are with you for nearly half the time. By the time they are off to uni, your daughter will be 12 and can then have the bigger room.

Your partner doesn't contribute in the form of rent yet isn't prepared to pay for a loft conversion? Cheeky thing!

He gets to enjoy your property having been gifted to you (I'm not sure anyone can inherit a property without someone dying) but you don't enjoy any benefits from his. Hmm That seems like a very unequal relationship to me.

I think you have far more things to sort out than you realise. Why is he not giving you half of his rental income? Then he should also provide for 50% costs of your shared daughter. He is definitely onto a good thing.

Why isn't he paying you rent also? Regardless of the fact there's no mortgage on the house

His moving in was a bad idea, as the place sounds too small for all of you. He should ask his tenants to leave and sort out rooms for his children in his old place.

That said, when women on here post about moving into their DPs' places, they are invariably told not to spend any money on actually improving the house, as they'll probably have to write that money off if the relationship goes pear-shaped. Sounds like he's doing exactly that.

His children get the box room until their father pays to convert the loft into a larger room for them.

He should be saving his rent money to convert the loft for his daughters if he's that bothered. Until then they get the box room.

And once he's saved up the money you then go to a solicitor together to get a signed agreement to say he owns £XXX of the house (cost of the renovations) so there's no arguing over what he's spent down the road.

This sounds like the best option given the circumstances. Make it clear to the girls that the box room is a temporary situation while you work towards getting the loft converted.

It's a shame for the older DDs that they can't have the bigger room while work is completed, but it sounds like it won't get done if they're given the bigger room from day 1.

Your DP needs to stump up for an extension so that his dc can have a bigger bedroom to share or even one each. He’s got the rental income from his house and isn’t paying rent/mortgage towards your house.

I think the youngest needs to have the box room. It's really two small for two older children and as has been said, it's more likely that they will use the floor space. Or there is the option that someone mentioned with them all sharing the bigger room and making the box room a play room. But I don't think you can put the two older kids in the small room without it being pretty blatant that they are further down the pecking order.

Second the idea of having him finance a loft conversion from his rental income.
I certainly wouldn't allow him to move in to a mortgage free house without putting his rental income into the communal pot!

Perhaps suggest you move into his rental property and pocket the rent from your inherited home so your income is more equal? See how he reacts!

Couples with children from previous relationships should not be moving together until they can consider the house a joint home. It might be legally owned by one person but should not be treated as one's home so only they can make all the decision about anything to do with the home.

A home is a heaven for most people and if you can't make it comfortable for all, which includes a level of compromise by all, then some will end up unhappy and ultimately will impact on the relationship.

You can't squeeze two kids in a box room.

His kids get big room, 2 year old in box room and you should be getting 50% of his rental income

Oh he's on to a good thing. He's a tight arse, complaining its too expensive to convert the loft for his own children but happy to just share living costs with you. I'm pleased to see you have quickly realised you have more of a problem than just bedrooms. Send him back to his own house where he has to pay for everything himself.

how big is the house he rents out? If larger you could suggest swapping - and you rent yours. See how he reacts!

Another vote for he should use his rental income to expand the loft. He can obviously afford it since he's only paying pills and he has a job as well as rental income. Or, you charge him rent and put it towards the cost.

In the meantime, SDDs in the box room and your DD in the bigger room, with the understanding they get the loft room when it's ready.

Ridiculous he wants your daughter in a tiny room when the whole house is free!

Well he has a property of his own he should use that for his three days a week

A box room isn’t suitable for two kids of that age to be sharing 3 nights a week. That’s pretty much half their life in 5m^2 between them..

At 2, your daughter would be OK in there for the moment, though probably needs some storage elsewhere in the house.

You could really do with more space in a few years, though. Can you plan on extending or moving in that time frame.

Yes, he should just use his flat three days a week, or pay to get the loft done.

Your DD should have the bigger room. You could break up with him in a few months.

He's having his cake and eating it. Long term you'll probably need a better solution if you stay together. I think the loft room situation sounds good but in the same breath I wouldn't want him having his own separate home and then a claim on yours.

If you are planning to stay with him, I think you need to sell or rent out both houses and get one that has enough rooms for everybody. His DC are there half the time and they are still young, would be different if we were talking about a teenager staying only occasionally. But I also agree that it's not fair to your DD if your partner does not want to contribute to the living arrangements of his DC.

If you have separate finances, he should be paying "rent" to you for his accommodation. (If he were the lower earner I might let him off, as a favour, but since he isn't...)

I agree his daughters should have the bigger room, but his "rent" should be more than half the rental value of the house, to account for his side getting more space.

I would give your DD the bigger room because she lives with you full time and I would put your partners two children in bunk beds in the box room. Your partners children also have a room a their Mum's house so they won't need as space as half their stuff will be at Mum's house.

Oh my goodness, you have a much bigger issue here! If you are a real partnership, you have two houses between you. You live in one and you jointly profit from the rental income of the other - surely that is the only fair approach here?!

How you might fairly manage actual ownership going forward is more complicated and you should get legal advice. But right now you are not getting a fair deal!

Gosh. I predict he will up the ante by asking you to marry him. Do not!