Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

My favourite childhood bedroom was a box room that was so tiny my parents had to remove the footboard from my bed to fit it in. It felt so cosy and safe. I’m sure your DD will love it. It would be unfair to expect your two DSC to share that room.

I don't think the older girls should get the bigger room, as it is/was they didn't have a room but slept in your bed 3 nights a week when you slept on the airbed in the lounge? The box room is fine for now for them, they will use the shared space as they did in your flat except you won't have to move to an airbed. Does the airbed fit in the box room?

He can use his rental money for a mortgage for a loft conversion or extension for a lovely en suite room for the two older children. If he is not prepared to do that, easy answer.

Similar situation although we bought our house together - not married

2 x Double room
Single room

My DD here full time. His 2 xDS here 3 days.

Could have given the boys the single room with bunks but as didn't think it was the right thing given they're nearly here half the time.

Decided to give the single room to my daughter but invest in very smart storage solutions to give her the most of the space.

In time we will convert the attic which I think if you can afford it then you (& partner) should invest in.

I agree it's not fair to squeeze two into a box room when they are there so often. But it's totally unfair that he profits from his spare house. I say he uses the spare money for the attic conversion and then has a 50% share of the increase in value, properly drawn up by a solicitor.

This seems a no-brainer to me. Your 2 stepchildren get the larger room. If you squeeze them into the boxroom then it's going to feel like a cramped guestroom rather than their home (and it is their home, even if only for half the week).

What does he do with the rental income? Does he share it with you?

If it was me, I would definitely give my child the biggest room. He has no right to demand who sleeps where in YOUR house. I couldn’t deal with a man like that, in fact I think I would struggle having to house someone else’s kids in the first place but that’s just me. I would kick him out, just like any tenant who doesn’t pay their rent. He’s just disguising it as being your partner but it’s one sided.

YANBU.

This is not about who's children are who's, it's about who will get the most use out of the room and that would be your DD.

Just say: I see where you are coming from and I've given it a lot of thought but I've decided that DD will be getting the most use out of the room therefore she will be having the larger room. I'm sure we can get creative with the other room.

Say it kindly with a smile but be clear in your tone that the decision has been made.

On a side note; the house will be your DD home it will not be your step childrens as they are just visiting and that counts for something in my book.

the house will be your DD home it will not be your step childrens as they are just visiting

That is a horrible thing to say given they are there nearly half the week.

The house isn't big enough in my opinion. If it was EOW then fine, but all children are spending a considerable amount of time there. If the house is in your name can you sell and get something bigger, protect yourself legally of course and have your partner contributing? This is assuming this is a long term relationship you see lasting a long time of course.

It’d be unfair squashing two older children in a box room and make them clearly feel second best. Also a two year old doesn’t need a big room she won’t be spending time in it by herself, they usually play downstairs, isn’t there a room you can make into a playroom downstairs for her!

The income issue needs sorting. If he is receiving rental income from his house whilst living at yours, you should charge him rent.

Good idea, a loft room for you and partner as builder friend said he would never put kids up in loft in case of fire.

Sorry if this has already been asked and answered. If you all lived together full-time what would the bedroom situation be?
That's your answer.

Not RTFT but I would definitely put your 2yo in the box room, and the two older children in the larger room. That seems fair to me - cramming two children in a smaller room just seems mean, and would surely lead to resentment from them.

Only read first 100 or so posts :)

Can he: take equity out of his house to finance loft conversion to a master bed/en-suite for 2 of you: costs recorded in case of split

His 2 DD then get your old room (box room in meantime), your DD gets room you prefer for her, and the box room can be a study/ spare room (as 2 older girls may need own space when get older)

I’d def charge rent &/or want share of the income from his rental though!! He is taking you for a ride expecting you to fund his life/his DDs when you could be giving more to your own DD: redraw boundaries & if that doesn’t work split and keep your own assets

Btw, the amount to do a loft conversion is equal/less than amount to pay for Stamp duty if buying a bigger home so that makes sense to me: and that he pays : its his 2 DD that are making your home too small so his issue to solve

Why doesn’t he live in his own house with his own children instead of trying to grab a share of yours?

catspyjamas123 They are both the parents of the gingers DD so they’re a family! No unusual for dad to want to live with his partner & child 🙄

OP - think very carefully about this user. Do you really need him in your life? Ditch him, be grateful for your good fortune in being given a house and don't let him move in. He is trying to take over, he could buy a house big enough for his needs but he wants to live cheaply at your expense and at the same time dictating to you regarding how the rooms are used. You really don't want him to get a foot in the door, he could pay for a few bits and pieces and then claim "beneficial interest". Get rid and let him sponge off someone else.
Can we have an update please?

Yes, I agree he’s a user. He wants the beneficial interest. He’s already showing how controlling he is.

As a mother you have a massive advantage to have inherited this property. If he pushes off - not saying he will but statistics show a huge number of men do - then you do not want to lose that house! Your DD needs a home. The law on this is toxic. He could easily have that property off you. I notice he’s not moving you and your DD into the property he owns!

I think you need to consider if this is what you really want and definitely protect yourself financially.

What rooms do the partners kids have at their mums? Do they each have their own? If so your daughter should get the bigger, she is there all the time.

I notice he’s not moving you and your DD into the property he owns!

It's rented out and we have no idea whether it is in a suitable location or anything about the property at all.

@soupdragon but the risk is all on the OP’s side. She could lose her property, or half of it. He keeps a property that is even providing him with an income. Sharing a property you own with a man is the biggest financial risk a woman can take. Marriage won’t protect her either - except at least that way she would own half of his property so they would be even.

By moving the family into your inherited home you are losing out on potential income from renting, so if he wants it to be the "family home" and for it to be reasonable for his daughters to have the best room at the expense of your daughter, then the income from his rented property should really be going into the family pot. I think that is the financial injustice, more than him not paying rent.