Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

@Lordamighty. Your advice to the OP just about covers it. I hope she heeds it

What gender are his children ?

I would be inclined to put two girls together in the big room for example and have the boy in the small room... I certainly think a 2 year old needs a big room to play in ? Or if it’s two boys have them bunk in the box room but do have a space for them to play in

In actual fact I would be looking at selling your inherited house and his house and buying a bigger house so that ALL children are catered for either with bigger bedrooms and the box room used as an office or else have a play room.

Seriously — a two year old will not care two hoots how big their room is. But the other two will look at their 2 year half sister with her big room and the two of them being squeezed into a box room and know where their dad’s priorities now lie. If there was only one of them it would make sense - but two in a box room?

I'd tell him your DD is having the room OR he and you can find a bigger property together and you can rent out your house for income just like he is doing with his.

I think that he should either sell his house so that you can buy a bigger place or as the previous person said put money towards building a loft.

The problem is your partner who intends to live rent & mortgage free, only paying half towards the bills, keep his rental income to himself and then make sure his dcs get the biggest bedroom.

The first part does sound very much like it's the case, but that's a separate matter.

Regarding the children and rooms, though, the toddler is his DC as well, so what would be in it for him to favour two of his own children over his other own child? Also, they're only potentially getting the bigger bedroom because there are two of them. Even if it's three or four times as big as the box room, most people would still rather have their own room instead of having to share one (unless with a partner).

I would put your daughter in the larger room, make the box room an office and he can house himself and his children in his house.

*other children

OP

Be careful. If you let your DP directly pay for the lift extension (or any other renovations), he could gain a beneficial interest in the property. This means that if you split up, he could make you buy him out of “his share”.

I’d get a cohabitation agreement signed first thing.

Keep your finances entirely separate. You are in a great position and mortgage free. I can tell you as a single parent I work long hours to keep a roof over my daughters head, food on the table, and pay childcare so I can work. Any monetary contributions by your partner must be clearly defined as rent and keep. If you were to ever split, you will kick yourself if he gets a share of the house, forces you to sell so he can get his share, and ruin your life. The solution is to rent your house like he does with his, and jointly buy a property with clearly defined ownership dependent on who paid what to purchase, and percentage of mortgage paid.

OP, you don’t have to shell out on a full loft conversion. You can get a hobby room built in the attic for 8 to 10k. There will be no staircase, just a ladder. Floors strengthened, velux windows, lighting and plug sockets. You aren’t allowed to sleep up there though, as a ladder isn’t classed as a safe fire exit.

You could put the two older ones in the box room to sleep and let them store their stuff and have the hobby room as their hang out when they are with you.

They would have the run of the mill at their mothers house. Their main residence is with their Mother, so they would not get two great rooms, whilst the step mother who owns her house has her child in a box room. No doubt he is on the hook for child maintenance, maybe spouse maintenance also. To be frank, I would give him a wide berth, he won’t be financially independent for the best part of the next ten years.

Short and long of it... that isn’t enough space for three kids really. He needs to work with you to plan for more space be it a new place or an extension. It isn’t your sole responsibility to solve this

My kids didn’t play upstairs in their own room until they were about 6-7, I think you could put your daughter in the small room, with a view to swap in a few years. If you paint the rooms neutral then that will help

mini-loft-conversion.co.uk/index.php?menu=miniloft

Yeah and I can guess who would be expected to cough up for the loft extension Taz

So the stepdaughters have a broken home and now have to share a box room at their dad’s for half the week whilst his shiny new baby gets to live with him full time and enjoy a big room all to herself. That’s just so sad for them!

Yeah and I can guess who would be expected to cough up for the loft extension Taz

Depends whether or not the OP wants her partner to have a beneficial interest in the property or not.

So the stepdaughters have a broken home and now have to share a box room at their dad’s for half the week whilst his shiny new baby gets to live with him full time and enjoy a big room all to herself. That’s just so sad for them!

They actually have 2 bedrooms. Shiny new baby only has 1 bedroom.

another thread that makes me so glad I don’t have a blended family

another thread that makes me so glad I don’t have a blended family

Well done for shitting on everyone who does have a blended family.

Don’t let him in the house! The minute he pays towards any work he will get a stake of your inherited property. He is already trying to squeeze out your child into the small room and give his kids the bigger one. He’ll soon have your house off you. He should remain in his own property and pay for it!

They actually have 2 bedrooms. Shiny new baby only has 1 bedroom.

Not out of choice, though - and they don't really have two rooms: they have 4/7 of a room/shared room when at their mum's and 3/7 of a room/shared room when at their dad's, so effectively still only one room.

The only difference is that they have to keep moving between them and likely finding that they often want something of theirs that's in their other room and having to temporarily do without it - and have doubles of lots of relatively boring things, thus their parents will have less money available to buy them more new exciting and/or useful things because, between them, they've had to (for each child) buy two beds, two wardrobes, two chests of drawers, two desks, two armchairs - two of a whole load of things that children living permanently at one house would only ever need and want one of.

If you were 8 or 9, would you rather have a new iPad/phone/laptop or another bed, when you already have a very nice one but you can't use it for 3 or 4 days a week purely because of adults' relationships breaking down?

another thread that makes me so glad I don’t have a blended family

I think that's the crux of the problem here: they now have a blended family, but neither adult is fully on board with wanting to live as one.

OP is wanting her child to have a big room to herself whilst her two step-daughters have to share a tiny one for half of their lives and OP's partner is wanting to keep most of his own income for himself instead of paying his way by contributing fairly to the whole family's finances and needs.

It may be happier for them than their mum and dad struggling on in an unhappy relationship.

But now it’s for their dad to provide for them when they are with him. He doesn’t seem to be doing that - he has moved in with the OP while letting his own house. She is the one providing their room and that isn’t fair on her. Plus he will be claiming a share of the house as soon as he buys the first lightbulb or pot of paint.