Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

It doesn't matter if they are there 3 days a week. It is not even half. For the other 4 days they have their own room at their mothers I assume!

But your toddler will be there 7 days a week, need a room for all her toys and ever growing needs and why should she not have the big room? The other kids have another room 4 days a week.

Mothership4two Yes she does think they can afford it. He may not, he may not be able to afford it given what we don’t know about his finances.

Projecting? Hardly

Just would rather condemn someone on facts (which are missing) rather than assumptions

Ah no I would not put his children into the box room even if it is your house. I think the subtext that they are guests not family members would be clear.

Having said that, you should be sharing his rental income.

We have a three-bed with a concerted attic. Myself and dh have the master bedroom, his teenage daughter the large room and our own young daughter the box room. We have converted the attic and will probably redistribute in a few years. His daughter comes eow and one night midweek but it's important she feels part of the household.

Sorry haven't rtft but your 'partner' is a tight arsed twunt. If he gets to live in your house for free, he should at least split his rental profits with you. If he doesn't want to do that he should pay you a reasonable rent (as he would have to anywhere else). On top of all that he has the nerve to dictate how YOUR house should be organised. I would start telling him how he can really make things 'fair' - and make sure your assets are protected before he moves himself in. Actually though, his actions would have me reassessing the whole relationship as being a cocklodger is a deal breaker imo.

I think your 2 yr old could take the box room. By the time she needs a big room the other children won’t be interested.

Alternatively the eldest daughter gets the box room and the privacy that permits whilst the two younger girls share the big room.

Have you asked the girls what they want.

OP - What are you going to do?

DD needs bigger room as there 7 days - and it's your house!

If you choose to be with someone who already has kids for the time you have them you have to treat them as equally as possible to how you would your own. Putting two older kids in a box room when they are living there almost half the time, while your 2 year old gets a big room all to herself isn’t reasonable. His 2 DD’s will feel very much like second class citizens and this could very much damage them emotionally.

However, it sounds like you have a lot more than this going on. I think you really need to assess if this relationship is right for you. His unwillingness to help more financially and make the house more suitable for all his daughters is a big worry.

Ask him to pay rent - that’s only fair
A 2 year old is ok in a box room, I assume her toys can be in the living room and maybe in a box in the bigger room.
When she is older and the older girls don’t stay overnight anymore, she moves to bigger room?

Put all emotion aside and focus on the children's needs, first and foremost. Put the 8-year-old and 9-year-old in the larger room. The 2-year-old is fine in a box room at that age. Stick to that and NEVER show any favouritism towards ANY of the children, otherwise it may affect them and/or you in a negative way, either now or in the future

Your daughter has the big room as her room, but sleeps in the box room when the other two come to stay?

How often will they be coming? If more permanently then it did seem like favoritism to your daughter. So tricky I know!

Which days are the older 2 staying - are they out at school for most of it or is it a weekend and there all day and how does that compare to your child being at home?

I think I'd put bunk beds in the big room and single in the small but then have younger daughter in the big room in the bottom bunk and let the older two switch around as they wish.

Tbh though, even with a range of ages in our house everyone plays/does activities in each other's rooms so size doesn't impact ours so much

Sell both houses - your inherited house and his old house - and buy a bigger house with 3 good sized or even 4 bedrooms.

@fallon92 with an attitude like that, I hope you are not a step parent!!

If I were you I would let my own DD have the bigger room with a pull out bed under her bed for another one of the step children. Only fair way

@BabyLlamaZen good Idea. The bigger room could permanently have bunk beds in it and the smaller room a single. They might even want to chop and change on the nights they are there who sleeps where

given what we don’t know about his finances

We don't but the OP does. She's kind of the expert

He earns more than her and gets extra income but he and his children live rent-free. We don't need to know the specifics of the amounts of their finances. The situation is unfair

OP has said her dd cannot share

@Bizawit tbh I just think life isn't fair.

If I was to be a step parent ever, I personally would chose to buy a brand new house with rooms for all children without compromise and rent out the place

Given he’s not having to contribute to any mortgage you think he’d let that one go!
Sorry but your daughters there all the time and will need room to play as she’s only little.
On another note,I wonder if you Couid get him to sign something to say if you ever split up then you retain all rights to the property??

The older children should have the bigger room.

Perhaps the grandparents are trying to show the OP something.....if they own several houses why give this one when it clearly won't meet the needs of the boyfriends kids?

How much you pay should be proportional to income, so if he earns 70% of the household income, he should pay 70% of the bills. Regarding who gets the room, I’d say it may be down to personality, could your 2 yr old share 3 nights a week? This she gets the bigger room most of the time, perhaps the quieter half sibling would appreciate their own room?

Probably been mentioned but if the big bedroom is big enough I'd make into more of a playroom with their bunk beds and make your daughters solely a bedroom.

I would get valued for rental. Then charge partner 1/2 rental income. He can pay from money he gets renting out his own home. If he agrees to that them I would allow his 2 DD to share larger room provided your dd could store some of her toys there and play in their room when they were not there. I would be re-evaluating in 6 years time and be making it clear once your dd is 7 she could move into larger room with do younger DD and his older dd have box room. What were living arrangements before you inherited house?

So he owns a house, you own an apartment and have now been given a house. You don't say how big his house is, or why you are living in your 2 bed apartment rather than his house, but surely the logical thing is to sell his and at least one of yours and just buy a house that is big enough for your whole family to live in.