Guys who say 'I need a woman who can challenge me'

[Stella8686]

Is this ever a good statement? Do men think that women find it an attractive profile line?

Is it just me who reads it as
'I wore down my ex so much that she died a little inside and never spoke up for herself, therefor it's her fault the relationship broke down'

Extreme example above but AIBU to discount guys who say this (online) does anyone like this statement?

Just look at his picture and decide from there. Forget the words. After all that's what he's doing to you.

I think that sometimes people put things on their dating profiles just because they see others saying it or it sounds bold or will make them stand out somehow.

If he seems worth your time otherwise connect with him and see how he is one on one. If he's a knob he probably won't hide it well.

It means "I'm likely to find you very boring very quickly, and I'll blame it on you".

Ooh ooh, don't know if it's been said yet, but also "treat em mean, keep em keen"
An ex used to talk like this about women. Ugh. I wasted too many years on that.

Oh and "a mans man"

Hear that. Run.

God this is putting me off ever trying online dating Think I'd rather be single!

He's subtly (or not so subtly) slagging off his ex and the mother of his child. He uses the kind of wanky phraseology that either shows he's trying to follow the herd in how he words his dating profile, or he genuinely wants someone he can neg and spar with verbally until he emerges triumphant from the 'debate', every time, feeling that bit more of a man after he's told you in 18 different ways how you're wrong and made you feel like shit. Shudder. I'd be letting this one go. He sounds like a headfuck just waiting to happen.

It's a version of 'you're not like the other girls'.
Meant to come across appealing and make the 'chosen one' feel special but really it's revealing his low opinion of women in general and how he's just so much better than them. Avoid.

I think it means they have never met a strong woman 😂
They tend to change this ‘statement’ once they did! 😂😂

Also it's so vague.

He likes a woman who can challenge him. On anything?

So if he meets a women who points out that his perspective on various political issues is terribly shallow and biased, that his work presentation is weak and unoriginal, and that he doesn't understand the offside rule, and she's right....

He will really appreciate that?

I think not.

nstitutkarite

AnyFucker
Arsehole
Yep

This.

It means I consider myself infinitely superior to women but I’ll throw you a challenge because you should know you only exist for my entertainment.

Oh god, I've heard this one a couple of times, in real life (pre-OLD times), from men I'd been getting to know but not yet dating. It was only the second time that I recognised it as 'a line' and a bad sign. A sign of someone who wanted to put me in a box and keep me there, for as long as I entertained him.

In both cases, it meant that the man, who was intelligent and knew it, saw me as someone almost as intelligent as him, in some ways. Enough to be interesting, provide some entertaining conversation, debates, give him an occasional new angle on something. An intellectual helpmeet.

It was meant to sound flattering. 'You're not some run of the mill girl, you're cleverer and more interesting.'

But the man who wants 'challenge' only does so as a means to attain his own perfection. He wants charming, available challenge, that knows its place in his life. What he does not want, is to be intellectually overcome. Nor does he want to have to make a real effort to follow and understand a discussion, or enagge with one he did not instigate. You're there to feed him intellectual tit-bits and play verbal tennis. Not to present him with an unfamiliar three-course meal, or suggest he comes along on your intellectual cross-country skiing trip.

Agree he's an arsehole.

The whole 'i had work and weekend hobby commitments, my ex looked after our kid while I did that, but honestly, why didn't she get out more of do some stuff' = massive giant dickhead.

I bet he's the type who 'challenges' black colleagues about BLM and women about metoo. At the coffee machine.

@Smidge001

How odd. I would have read it completely differently.

To me, if they say they want a woman who'll challenge them, they mean they don't just want a doormat who doesn't think for herself, and is just a yes-woman.

To me it sounds like a good thing for a man to say in a dating profile.

That’s how i read it too. Wanting a woman who is his equal and with opinions of her own, not afraid to speak up, and will make him think/re-assess his own views.

My exh said this. I took it as a good sign because I'm quite opinionated and strong willed. Turns out he wanted a woman who would challenge him right up until he got one. And then he hated it. And he wore me down until I didn't dare speak up for a very long time.

Run.

Just to be clear, what was said to me was 'you challenge me', as flirty flattering, 'you might be worth keeping', from men I already partly knew IRL.

I would read it either as "I think I'm better than 99% of women I meet. Could you be that lucky 1% that can come within touching distance of my massive intellect?" Or "I'm a massively argumentative bell end". Either way, I'd probably avoid...

Men write all sorts of rubbish on profiles. Unless it's sexual or offensive I wouldn't read too much into it.

I think Barbie and Lottie are on the money. I've never gone out with anyone like this but occasionally come across them at parties. Sometimes my age, sometimes my parents' age. They enjoy arguing till you make some excellent points when they start going off on tangents/ non sequiturs / making nasty little digs. They don't like it up 'em, basically and hate losing face even if nobody else can hear. I tend to blandly "agree to disagree" (they hate that) and excuse myself and find somebody else to talk to.

The other thing it makes me think of is the hero dragging the feisty-redheaded beauty-trope-woman about in The Quiet Man. Or any of those old films where the rugged hero slaps the feisty trope-woman in the face and it's meant to be kind of sexy.

Id find that attractive tbh. My husband and I have great debates. We value each other’s opinions.

I had an ex that was always “yes dear” “whatever you say dear” it got really tiring being the only one using their brain cells in the relationship.

Challenge him in what way?

'Mission Impossible' if you ask me.

Most people don't need to say things like this because they will accept that they have strengths and weaknesses as do others. To say "I need a woman to challenge me" implies that the women they meet have never exceeded them in any area of life, which in turn implies either massive arrogance or a lack of interest in other people. If you talk to any random person on the street there will be something that they can do better than you (maths, writing, singing, sport, cooking, dancing, anything...) If finding a woman who can "challenge" you is such a rarity, you clearly aren't asking women the right questions!

I once read a dating profile of a man who said all the ladies should pick him because his cock is the same length as two argos pens 😊

Honestly, from experience, I think it means;

'I want screaming rows and angry sex - if you're lucky, I'll make sure you consent to it first. Best you like choking, cos it's gonna happen anyway'.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl

^ Just looked this up. That's brilliant!

You should challenge him: "What do you mean by that?"

And then get back to us with his answer.