Guys who say 'I need a woman who can challenge me'

[Stella8686]

Is this ever a good statement? Do men think that women find it an attractive profile line?

Is it just me who reads it as
'I wore down my ex so much that she died a little inside and never spoke up for herself, therefor it's her fault the relationship broke down'

Extreme example above but AIBU to discount guys who say this (online) does anyone like this statement?

One thing I know for certain about these men, is that they would not relish being told that you like it that they challenge you.

*How odd. I would have read it completely differently.

To me, if they say they want a woman who'll challenge them, they mean they don't just want a doormat who doesn't think for herself, and is just a yes-woman.

To me it sounds like a good thing for a man to say in a dating profile.*

I read it as a good thing too. I read it as I want an intellectual who will challenge my opinion on life, make me think....

Suggests they have certain - not positive - attitudes and views about themselves, and women.

The above post gives an example: the attitude that some women are “doormats”.

Yeah, 'make me think'... and stop right there.

All I can say is, read the thread.

We were chatting on WhatsApp but he's not reading the messages now.

... that's because you obviously weren't challenging him enough. You see, it's not his fault. He did warn you! Either that or he has found a nice submissive easily manipulated very naive slightly dim 19 year old with a trout pout and better boobs to 'challenge' him! Honestly, consider yourself lucky! That said, it's a shame that he's not responding to your messages as we could all have had a bit of fun with him here!

"I like the idea of a "challenging woman" but what I mean is I think I am better and far cleverer than you. I'll keep you as long as it suits my purpose and amuses me. But I'll start negging you fairly shortly, whilst telling you it's for your self improvement, then I'll just straight up gaslight you and make you think you're insane."

It might just be a coincidence, but if his name behind with an S and he's originally from Manchester, don't just run, fucking sprint away OP.

It’s as bad as wanging on about “strong women”; assumes the default woman is meek and pliant and those who aren’t are exceptional. Grim.

The only men I have ever heard say/write this are pseudo intellectuals who need to be admired. He is telling you how awesomely clever he is, he needs a woman who can stand up to his brilliance and who is witty enough to entertain him.

Of course when they meet an actual woman who is far smarter than they think they are it threatens them no end.

They really mean they just want someone to simper at how wonderfully intelligent they are.

@Mrsfrumble

Ugh “strong woman”. Hate this phrase with a passion.

They really mean they just want someone to simper at how wonderfully intelligent they are

Yes. I want a woman who will put up a bit of token resistance before letting me win every point. I don’t want a woman who won’t bother voicing counter arguments because she has given up trying to get me to listen to any point except my own. I want her to keep challenging me so I can keep winning.

Maybe he wants an A level maths teacher who would set him some differential equations.

I think it unlikely that anyone claiming they seek a challenge from a partner in fact welcomes one when it appears.

Also think it unlikely that anyone calling themselves fiercely intelligent is in fact so.

We all have delusions about ourselves, commonly stated firmly.

It’s as bad as wanging on about “strong women”; assumes the default woman is meek and pliant and those who aren’t are exceptional. Grim.

Yep.

To me the whole idea of 'a woman who challenges you' is sexist. Have you ever heard a woman specify that she wants a 'man who challenges her'? Thought not. It's assumed that a man should be at least the intellectual equal of his female partner. But men seem to think they're doing women a favour by saying they want a woman to be something more than a dolly bird.

Men who actually want equal, intellectually challenging partners don't make a song and dance about it. They're just naturally attracted to such women.

This is one of the funniest threads I've read on here, and I've been around for a couple of years now so that's saying something.

This is also a lovely reminder of why I married a North American feminist who's happy in herself.

So much bitterness it's like watching a group of people queue up to find different ways of saying "Jack from Accounts is a tart" when none of you have ever met him, but it means you all look "in" with each other by giving him a good kicking.

I suggest you and your 'North American feminist' go back on the gin, daddy.

@icedPurple

Nope, not challenged enough.

I hadn’t been aware at all this was considered a red flag!

I suppose it does imply a certain level of ...pompous self-satisfaction? I’m thinking of the smartest men I know (all of whom enjoy a good chinwag and would probably quite enjoy meeting someone cleverer than them), and tbf I can’t imagine any of them writing this on a profile.

Have PPs all met men like this on OLD???

Sounds like someone who is very argumentative and dominating.

Perhaps GinDaddy is posting for illustrative purposes? As in “I’m married to a feminist! But here’s a group of women who actually do hold a contrary opinion to mine. What a bunch of bitter shrews!”

An insight into that mindset sort of thing.

If id read my ex-dps (honest)profile of himself it wouldve read 'needy narcissist with Oedipus complex seeks adoring doormat -willing to do 100% of chores&childrearing and express gratitude and appreciation for every minute of it'...i wouldve run a mile. This was also a guy who 'liked a woman that challenged him' apart from within a year i was a shell of my-self. eggshelling it around his explosive temper and constant gaslighting. I got out when youngest was 2-took me a good 18mths to get myself back mentally but ffw 10 years and life has never been better(even with covid)....Avoid these types like the plague.

To me that just screams most women aren't my equal. I like the idea of finding someone who thinks they're my equal but they're not really.

@GinDaddyRedux

This is one of the funniest threads I've read on here, and I've been around for a couple of years now so that's saying something.

This is also a lovely reminder of why I married a North American feminist who's happy in herself.

So much bitterness it's like watching a group of people queue up to find different ways of saying "Jack from Accounts is a tart" when none of you have ever met him, but it means you all look "in" with each other by giving him a good kicking.

Yes, you sound very secure and happy with absolutely no mummy issues.

Usualy used to getting what they want, they want a woman who will argue with them, and then win the argument by being avoidant. In my experience. In other words an utter arsehole

@SuperFurryDoggy

They really mean they just want someone to simper at how wonderfully intelligent they are

Yes. I want a woman who will put up a bit of token resistance before letting me win every point. I don’t want a woman who won’t bother voicing counter arguments because she has given up trying to get me to listen to any point except my own. I want her to keep challenging me so I can keep winning.

Exactly this.