Guys who say 'I need a woman who can challenge me'

[Stella8686]

Is this ever a good statement? Do men think that women find it an attractive profile line?

Is it just me who reads it as
'I wore down my ex so much that she died a little inside and never spoke up for herself, therefor it's her fault the relationship broke down'

Extreme example above but AIBU to discount guys who say this (online) does anyone like this statement?

Either way, I wouldn't want to be with you

Never have so many women given so few fucks.

DH and I are very different, politically, ideologically, emotionally etc. We don't agree on much. We do agree, however, that people who use the words "robust debate" without irony do not belong in our circle.

High conflict idiots want 'challenge' in the evening.

Well adjusted people in healthy relationships want to be able to talk bollocks, compete against the teams in University Challenge/Only Connect, take the piss out of people who don't recognise Louis Prima, Mick Jagger or Descartes, slip seamlessly into The Philosophers' Song and then do a victory lap of the garden when they answer something about Billie Eilish correctly or stare at their partner in mock horror when they know who was in Love Island 2018, despite never having watched it in their life.

Mad how all the people on this thread who say they can’t bear challenge and confrontation are pouncing on every single post that expresses anything different.

Debating shit on the internet isn't what's going on at home.

I can close the window down on MN. I couldn't do that to somebody I lived with.

'Mad how all the people on this thread who say they can’t bear challenge and confrontation'

Who said that? I haven't seen one although may have missed it. Certainly there aren't lots! I have RTFT as well.

I think you have misunderstood. It's not about not wanting interesting debate, discussion etc

It's about how a man who puts that in their dating profile sounds like a complete wanker. That's the view of the vast majority of women in the thread.

The 'women on this thread' are ordinary women who pretty much unanimously agree.

On what basis have you decided that this fairly random collection of women who pretty much all agree, are all wrong?! Seems a bit peculiar to me.

Also I actually don't want 'confrontation' in my relationships thanks.

'a hostile or argumentative situation or meeting between opposing parties.'

Unless you are using a different definition.

@ShinyFootball It only becomes "hostile" when one party is refusing to justify or change their ridiculous or ill-informed opinions. That's why men want a woman who is actually willing to have a discussion rather than an argument.
I understand that you're happy being "right" (because no one can be bothered to explain to you that you're wrong, and you're too stubborn anyway) and that you're content with being mediocre, but those of us who aspire to more are going to continue challenging ourselves.

Ah but who gets to be arbiter of what's right? My ex used to want endless arguments about whose taste in music was better. I just wanted us to be able to accept that the other liked slightly different things. But he seemed to feel there was this need to "prove" his taste was "superior". God it got to be exhausting.

(There may well be a reason why he's an ex. )

Well I've posted the dictionary definition that matches what I think of confrontation, yours sounds more like a discussion. I'm more than happy to have a discussion, even a 'lively' one!

Awful lot of assumptions, sterotype and bias in your post there as well. Maybe you're not as open minded as you think?

Ugh Cara that is really annoying. A lot of blokes take a very superior position about music. Also gaming, cars, lots of things.

What's really annoying is if you turn out to know something about a thing they think is their 'zone' some of them start with the competitive checklist/test thing.

So you like the doors hmmmm? Ok then then where did they record their second album and who played sax on the third track etc etc

Did yours do that?

This is the sort of thing my husband would say but what I have worked out over the years is he wants to have debates / conversations with people that agree completely with him and actually finds any kind of challenge to his opinions irritating.

I am considered quite smart and fiesty I suppose, which I think some blokes find quite attractive but actually not that many can be bothered with a shrewish wife in the longterm once the shine wears off. Maybe Shakespeare had a point in The taming of the shrew.

Well, I'm a classical musician, he was into kind of folk-acoustic-almost-soft-rock stuff, so he couldn't really play that particular game because there was no way he'd ever score points off me that way. So his constant line of attack was "classical instrumentalists are just painting by numbers. What I do is much more creative because I write my own songs."

I suspect it might have been down to him having a chip on his shoulder . I think I was far and away the better musician of the two of us (though I'd never have dreamed of saying so) and deep down he knew this.

I haven't found this with DH but he is very placid

I have found it with my dad who has been very rude on occasion if I have disagreed.

And at work I've come across quite a few men who have got really quite arsey when I've suggested other ways of doing things/ pointed out potential issues with their ideas etc

Scratch the surface and quite a lot of men really don't like it when they are 'challenged' by women.

@ShinyFootball

Ugh Cara that is really annoying. A lot of blokes take a very superior position about music. Also gaming, cars, lots of things.

What's really annoying is if you turn out to know something about a thing they think is their 'zone' some of them start with the competitive checklist/test thing.

So you like the doors hmmmm? Ok then then where did they record their second album and who played sax on the third track etc etc

Did yours do that?

I've encountered men like that.

I usually ask them their thoughts on what pickups were used, whether they thought the use of flange was particularly effective when combined with slapback and if, in their expert opinion, it would have better to put the entire drum recordings on three channels and a single sub through the desk or to maintain a full spread and risk bleedthrough from the snare being picked up on the C212 and the C1000s or whether they should have crossmiced the piano with 57s instead and used a tube to give a greater sense of depth.

Never fails. They either fuck off or I get to talk shop with them for hours.

I'm a classical musician, he was into kind of folk-acoustic-almost-soft-rock stuff, so he couldn't really play that particular game because there was no way he'd ever score points off me that way. So his constant line of attack was "classical instrumentalists are just painting by numbers. What I do is much more creative because I write my own songs."

This really made me laugh. It is like somebody who does a 35 minute 5k offering running advice to Mo Farah.

@Notupforit

Women in this thread sound batshit bonkers. I would be so bored by a partner who didn't challenge me. The person closest you should challenge every fibre of your being. If you're scared of this it's either because you've based your opinions or beliefs on something that you can't defend (but won't change them) or it's because you're too lazy to be the best version of yourself. Either way, I wouldn't want to be with you.

To fulfill your criteria, I need a creationist who thinks dinosaur bones were placed there by Satan, and who votes BNP, hates cats, believes it isn't a meal without meat, is anti-vaccination and believes that cancer can be cured through willpower, that climate change is a hoax, solid matter like viruses can be spread by 5g, homeopathy works and women don't deserve equal pay for equal work.

Have you considered that perhaps I just don't want to go to prison for hitting someone over the head with one of my children's paleontology books?

Oh, and he's going to need to be homophobic, too and openly despise my brother for being gay.

Match made in heaven, clearly.

[quote Notupforit]@ShinyFootball It only becomes "hostile" when one party is refusing to justify or change their ridiculous or ill-informed opinions. That's why men want a woman who is actually willing to have a discussion rather than an argument.
I understand that you're happy being "right" (because no one can be bothered to explain to you that you're wrong, and you're too stubborn anyway) and that you're content with being mediocre, but those of us who aspire to more are going to continue challenging ourselves.[/quote]
You're right, men do tend to become hostile when their ridiculous and ill-informed opinions are challenged by a woman.

''a hostile or argumentative situation or meeting between opposing parties.'

Is a dictionary definition of hostile and the way I use the word.

Feel free to share the definition you use, that's aok.

You can't argue that someone is 'wrong' in their understanding of a word is incorrect when
A. It's in the dictionary and
B. It's a commonly used meaning of it

Meh

To me it’s fairly obvious statement.

Who does want a partner who’s the human equivalent of a wet lettuce?

I don’t know why it has to be said. Surely no one would say the opposite- I like a woman who has no opinions, does what I want 24/7 and won’t stand up for herself even when I’m clearly being a nobjockey.

I wouldn’t avoid someone for using the phrase necessarily but I’d definitely judge them for stating the obvious.

@CGWGWOO

I would challenge a potential lover by sending him down the town and buying 20 Rothmans.

Kudos for the Python reference.

@PotholeParadise You've met my ex, I see.

@CaraDune

Well, I'm a classical musician, he was into kind of folk-acoustic-almost-soft-rock stuff, so he couldn't really play that particular game because there was no way he'd ever score points off me that way. So his constant line of attack was "classical instrumentalists are just painting by numbers. What I do is much more creative because I write my own songs."

I suspect it might have been down to him having a chip on his shoulder . I think I was far and away the better musician of the two of us (though I'd never have dreamed of saying so) and deep down he knew this.

I wonder how many of his songs used chord progressions that first appeared in classical music. Pachelbel's Canon in D, anyone?

I'm always amazed at how many guitar-based singer-songwriters can't read music. I very much like folk/soft rock stuff (sing, John Ball!), but if he thinks it takes less skill and less musical interpretation to play classical, he really doesn't know much about music.

@MitziK

High conflict idiots want 'challenge' in the evening.

Well adjusted people in healthy relationships want to be able to talk bollocks, compete against the teams in University Challenge/Only Connect, take the piss out of people who don't recognise Louis Prima, Mick Jagger or Descartes, slip seamlessly into The Philosophers' Song and then do a victory lap of the garden when they answer something about Billie Eilish correctly or stare at their partner in mock horror when they know who was in Love Island 2018, despite never having watched it in their life.

@MitziK This is amazing. I want to print it out on a poster or something.

I hate it when people "love a good debate" just for the sake of it. Especially at work but in all areas of life too.