Guys who say 'I need a woman who can challenge me'

[Stella8686]

Is this ever a good statement? Do men think that women find it an attractive profile line?

Is it just me who reads it as
'I wore down my ex so much that she died a little inside and never spoke up for herself, therefor it's her fault the relationship broke down'

Extreme example above but AIBU to discount guys who say this (online) does anyone like this statement?

It just means very clever. Don’t know where it comes from but it’s a term I use and I like it, probably because I can, and will, argue quite vehemently where needed (in terms of robustness, that is) and I can hold my own against anyone. I’d never be afraid to disagree with him nor to hold different views to him. If he’s wrong about something I challenge him. And he likes that because he’s a strong, confident man who isn’t threatened by a strong, confident woman.

I agree with the statement's outlined by @Sparticuscaticusn

I understand it the same as @Smidge001.

Sounds like he just wants to give you loads of aggro and then say ‘But I told you I wanted a challenging relationship’. A bit of a head fuck is what I’d expect.

'I need a woman who....' doesn't matter what the end is, that's a me, me, me statement. Fill my needs. That's what a woman is for.

I enjoy the company of women who.... different ball game
I like woman that... fine

Mind you I’ve never had to look at profiles and truth be told I’d probably reject absolutely everyone on OLD; anyone who made any statement that has even 1% chance of being a red flag would definitely be deemed bin-worthy. So on balance, if there’s even just a flag pole around just say a firm no. It ain’t worth it.

@Ninkanink horse for course, I guess. I prefer quietly confident myself

A little like the difference between assertion and aggression which many people get wrong, in my opinion.

• horses

This guy in particular, has said is ex had none of her own interests and was waiting to do stuff with him. He has 5 a side commitments (not at the moment obvs) they had one kid now 6. I wonder if she had time for her own stuff as a mum. He seems like a really good dad 50/50 agreement.

It's that statement! And reading between the lines that he will bend the rules (work stories, public sector/ enforcement officer) to 'get results'

But then a big plus on him saying he's got a very empathetic personality (?) is that what he SAYS he has to appeal to women? He learnt some useful tactics in his training for his first job (uniformed)

Trying to work out what is truth and what is what he thinks I want to hear. Probably not worth it

He’s just going to be hard work, move on.

OMG, I would never get a date on OLD that is for sure

My rap sheet would be nada

He is quietly confident. Not cocky or aggressive or self-important. But very principled and has a core of integrity that will not be moved.

Weak men fear strong women.

Oh I read a thing about this

They did a study thingy and found that men who said they wanted an intelligent / outspoken / etc woman actually didn't at all when confronted with one

I'll see if I can find it!

Hmmm I read it as a good thing, I want someone who can challenge me, has their own thoughts and interests and doesn’t just do something even if they don’t want too, that’s how I read it anyway

? He learnt some useful tactics in his training for his first job (uniformed

So he's a Gene Hunt wannabe without the looks, char, and personality?

@ShinyFootball yes! My first thought! Same with 'independent woman' do you REALLY?

My ex was a right shit (it didn't last long) I saw much worse behaviour from him! It all started with these phrases but I didn't notice at the time 🙈

I wouldn’t waste my time.

Life’s too short for wankers.

@Snowdown24 that's what I was hoping it meant! There could be an exception to the rule. I think this is what HE wants it to mean. It just never in my case ends up that way

I thought it just meant someone is equally or more intelligent than you and has the confidence to take advantage of critical thought etc.

In my (bitter) experience, men who say they want a strong/intelligent/independent woman either mean nothing of the sort, or they want that sort of woman in order to feel “the big man” when they break them down.

Here's one

www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/science/new-study-says-men-find-dating-intelligent-women-intimidating-a6700861.html%3famp

This is a dig at the women he’s been in failed relationships with, who he’s decided in his bitterness were all stupid, or shallow, or unsophisticated, or otherwise unworthy of him and that’s why it didn’t work out. Almost always means he’s an argumentative shit with an anger management problem who cannot bear to be wrong.

I reckon this.

Man: I need a woman who'll challenge me.
Woman: No, you don't.

Is that what they're after?

Oh and the one that I was at...

Men and women both often say a 'GSOH' is important.
Turns out that the men didn't actually want a woman who was funny. They meant a woman who would laugh at their jokes...

Depressing.

@ShebaShimmyShake

Intelligent people who enjoy debate (and the two don't have to be mutually inclusive) don't have to make a point of stating it. They'll just be able to tell when they're in a conversation with their intellectual equal and having one of those challenges that everyone claims to enjoy, and which so rarely appear to be fun to onlookers.

I refer to this as the Posh Spice Paradox. If you have to say it, it probably isn't true.