Guys who say 'I need a woman who can challenge me'

[Stella8686]

Is this ever a good statement? Do men think that women find it an attractive profile line?

Is it just me who reads it as
'I wore down my ex so much that she died a little inside and never spoke up for herself, therefor it's her fault the relationship broke down'

Extreme example above but AIBU to discount guys who say this (online) does anyone like this statement?

@SuperFurryDoggy

I think it means “I’ve watched too many films and want a Manic Pixie Dream Girl to sweep in and selflessly guide me towards fulfilling my unrealised dreams.

This is how I interpreted it too. I want someone who's going to "save" me and make me finally understand the very core of my personality.

Dude, that's what counselling is for.

There are also several adult education colleges offering self development courses, some more esoteric than others. I'm not going to do the emotional work for you.

Haven’t RTFT but this would put me right off. Saying ‘I need a woman who...’ shows arrogance in my opinion-I expect women to do x in order to meet my needs/be good enough for me’. It’s from a starting point of a woman having to do or be something for the man, rather than the man wanting the woman for who she is. And that has red flags all over it.

I can only imagine someone with an over-inflated ego, who considers him to be exceptionally superior to other people, saying something like this put it that way.

I wouldn't necessarily draw negative inferences from this - I may have said something similar in profiles in the past myself.

As a pp said, to me it would mean being able to debate and enjoy discussing things from different angles, not someone who is simply going to agree. Also to me it would infer someone with drive and ambition, not the pipe and slippers, old before their time kind of person.

For me, I need someone who can talk about a wide variety of topics, who is interested in discussion. I don't want to sit in silence, if you're doing that you may as well just get a dog.

However it's interesting to see how many people would view this negatively. What I would say is that when I was out there dating, I did find that putting something to this effect on my profile did seem to weed out some of the superficial, or more Neanderthal types. That said, it may have been incidental as I think there are stats that say most men never read a woman's profile and message or not purely on photos!

[quote MitziK]@PotholeParadise You've met my ex, I see.[/quote]
Yes, we've met online, I think. He's good for an hour of entertainment of arguing online, but I like to be able to alt-tab away to listen to music on youtube in between posts.

I don’t know why it has to be said. Surely no one would say the opposite- I like a woman who has no opinions, does what I want 24/7 and won’t stand up for herself even when I’m clearly being a nobjockey.

Ha! Exactly. Which takes us back to the Posh Spice Paradox: if you need to state it, it ain't true.

Well in this instance he has given me about a million other red flags. Thank you next

Just for those interested
Some include
• I don't think men and women can ever be completely equal. Going for equality means you have to break it down further and further.
•talking about sexual likes and dislikes. He keeps trying to work out my limits/ boundaries are and ask what I won't do. So I outright ask him. Is that so you can push them? Short answer was yes
•comments about his ex
•comments about how he likes to win arguments
• he has 'rules' they were not terrible rules to be honest but still
• he thinks people need to be responsible for their own happiness. The tone and context didn't sit right at the time

@Stella8686

Well in this instance he has given me about a million other red flags. Thank you next

Just for those interested
Some include
• I don't think men and women can ever be completely equal. Going for equality means you have to break it down further and further.
•talking about sexual likes and dislikes. He keeps trying to work out my limits/ boundaries are and ask what I won't do. So I outright ask him. Is that so you can push them? Short answer was yes
•comments about his ex
•comments about how he likes to win arguments
• he has 'rules' they were not terrible rules to be honest but still
• he thinks people need to be responsible for their own happiness. The tone and context didn't sit right at the time

So those of us saying "wanker" were right, then. Fancy that.

@tectonicplates

I hate it when people "love a good debate" just for the sake of it. Especially at work but in all areas of life too.

Oh so do I

Some people's idea of a debate is to find an opposing view and argue the toss endlessly, just to wind people up.

One of the last things I want in a relationship is to find it a challenge.

Oh wow he sounds horrific!

Yeah the devil's advocate types.

Who will try to wind you up by saying ridiculous things about something you care about

And when you say wtf surely you can't really think that 'oh I don't I'm just thinking what other people might say'

Fuck off.

Somehow I don't think they really mean it.

@ShinyFootball

Yeah the devil's advocate types.

Who will try to wind you up by saying ridiculous things about something you care about

And when you say wtf surely you can't really think that 'oh I don't I'm just thinking what other people might say'

Fuck off.

I'd be so tempted to say "You're a tosser and you're really irritating". When he objects, you can just reply with, "Oh I'm just thinking what other people might say".

Challenge him to what? Quizzes? A bake off?

I think you'll find it's code-speak for 'I am a fucking bell-end'.

Tectonic 😂😂😂

@morethanafortnight I can't stand people like that. I hate arguing for the sake of it, especially if it's about stuff like politics that's close to home.

@ShinyFootball I've got a friend who likes black metal and loads of obscure indie and rock bands, and you wouldn't believe the amount of arsehole men who think she's just tagging along her husband and isn't a real fan. I myself have had to deal with people like that. Like a boy in Year 7 who saw I'd written the names of bands I liked on my pencil case and asked me to name some Cast songs, or a bloke in a chatroom who, upon finding I liked Jack Off Jill, gave me the bloody third degree and asked me to name one of their early EPs, how they got their name etc. When people like the same bands as me it's like 'you like Half Man Half Biscuit/Space/Melys too? Awesome!'

Yep yep yep.

I'm not sure what it's all about.

Competitiveness generally?
List / collector type competitiveness?
The idea that to impress a girl you need to know more?
The idea that having a girl equal / 'beat' you in knowledge of X is not on?

I had an eye opening conversation recently with a bloke at work. We work in IT-ville.

I am a long term (not competitive, not collectory) sci fi / sciencey sort of person.

So I think the guy decided (based on ?? ) that I 'knew my stuff' and was one of him/ them as it were.

We get on v well.

Anyway so I was sitting with him and he launched into an anecdote about how he saw some girl somewhere and she had s t-shirt referencing (whatever) and it really annoyed him as she obviously was wearing it to be cool and obviously wasn't really into it.

I said how do you know.

He said 'she was too good looking'!!!!

I was

I'm in my late 40s now and back in the day was pretty. I also did a hard science degree and met a lot of about it because of how I looked.

So it really fucked me off.

I suppose there are a range of reasons for lots of men being total dicks when they speak to women