Guys who say 'I need a woman who can challenge me'

[Stella8686]

Is this ever a good statement? Do men think that women find it an attractive profile line?

Is it just me who reads it as
'I wore down my ex so much that she died a little inside and never spoke up for herself, therefor it's her fault the relationship broke down'

Extreme example above but AIBU to discount guys who say this (online) does anyone like this statement?

Does anyone ever claim not to want an intelligent and funny person? Does anyone ever admit to wanting someone thicker and duller than they are to make themselves feel sparklier?

I refer to this as the Posh Spice Paradox. If you have to say it, it probably isn't true.

I like that.

Show, don't tell.

This guy in particular, has said is ex had none of her own interests and was waiting to do stuff with him. He has 5 a side commitments (not at the moment obvs) they had one kid now 6. I wonder if she had time for her own stuff as a mum. He seems like a really good dad 50/50 agreement.

Yes, it was her fault, she just didn't have her own interests (looking after the child whilst he had football/hobby 'commitments') .

Oh, god, not the 'he's a good dad' shit. If you have to say that about someone, they're usually not.

But then a big plus on him saying he's got a very empathetic personality (?) is that what he SAYS he has to appeal to women? He learnt some useful tactics in his training for his first job (uniformed)

That's not a plus, love.

Swipe left and tbh, I'd be re-evaluating your standards because they seem pretty low.

My husband has often said he likes this about me!

We have been happily married for 25 years, so it clearly works for us.

Agree

So he was off doing 5 a side while she looked after the kid and then he has the gall to complain she didn't do hobbies

I bet she did all the housework cooking shopping etc as well and very possibly a job.

Swerve swerve swerve.

I've got a brain in my head and lots of people tell me I'm funny but it's not what you put on a profile is it? Or ask for? It's all subjective. You find out when you meet people if they are funny/ you get on conversation-wise.

I'd think a man saying he wanted an intelligent successful woman was after a meal ticket possibly.

Nearly as bad as a man wanting a woman who ‘ respects herself’ - usually code for him having a Madonna and whore complex.

Bertucci that's not what people are saying.

It's about men specifying it on an online dating profile.

Actually what it could well read as is 'i enjoy arguing with women about things that matter to them' - as a crazed feminist there are a LOT of them about. I've had it from loads of colleagues at work even though I keep my politics toned down a lot.

It's a wanky wannabe alpha comment. It's very self-absorbed and I'd take it that he either he likes to argue or has a habit of dating (or turning women into) doormats. Swerve, Swerve Swerve!

Nope not a good statement, but if you are curious ask what he means

I think you can’t take it out of context. But I would see it as a minor red flag!

However plenty of men seem to go for ‘unchallenging women’ so I don’t think we should totally judge without knowing - it could actually be a guy who is prepared to have a woman who has her own opinions, her own friends, her own job and own life... or maybe I’m just being optimistic.

You should have replied with, "fantastic news! There is nothing that I enjoy more than keeping some over inflated chap in his place. I take pride in my success rate. All my ex's have required psychological treatment. Shall we give this a go?"

Ask him what he means by that: is it
A) I expect a woman to monitor my behaviour and make it her responsibility to tell me what to do;
B) I will do whatever I please without regard to anyone else's rights until someone pulls me up on it;
Or C) I pick fights all the time and never admit I'm in the wrong or apologise.

Hint: none of these is good news! Ask him for some examples of how a woman had challenged him in the past and how that turned out. Should be enlightening.

My immediate thought is "more red flags than a Soviet era May Day parade."

Also what everyone else said (especially Anyfucker's "arsehole" - succinct and to the point as always).

Heh yeah 'what do you mean by that?'

Cue confusion.

I don't have any problem with the idea that someone would like a partner that is confident and intelligent enough to make them reconsider their own views.

My concern is that he has to tell you that. If he wants to be challenged, surely he'll be able to work out during the course of natural conversations whether you're likely to be able to or not.

Him saying that seems to me to be a) a humble brag (not everyone is able to challenge him) and b) a way of putting you on your toes.

Alternatively, he mightb have heard someone else say it and decided it sounded good.

My ex wanted a challenge. He said 'I want a challenge a woman who is her own person' - I've also had men say 'I want a confident woman who isn't clingy or this or that or the other' AKA I want to be a dick.

The fact that he is bitching about his childs mother and how she didnt have time for hobbies is enough reasons to swerve.

Here’s what it means:

“Whilst I go on and on about MYSELF I want you to listen intently then ask ME challenging questions about MYSELF, concentrating on MY successes, so that I can talk about ME even more. I expect you to help me to see MYSELF from a different angle.”

Run! You will never have a minute’s peace.

Good call wombat.

I read it as he is Argumentative & likes a bit of drama.

This is something said by men (and actually women) that are absolutely full of themselves and will make you feel inferior when it doesn't work out.

I think any partner that's worth their salt will encourage and support you to be the best they you can be but this just comes across as massively self important and a right turn off!

For the PPs who think this is a good thing, it can be a positive attribute but generally the men who genuinely welcome a challenge don't feel the need to state it in their profile. To me, it's a worry that he thinks it's worth mentioning.

IamTheWombat, would that be in the same personality as 'but enough about me, let's hear what you think.... about me'?

Yes!