AIBU to say that cycling mainly appeals to a certain demographic of men and they don’t understand that it’s quite boring for wives / partners / general public?

[spokeinthewheel]

I can’t remember when it all started really, but my DH, like many men, has got hugely into cycling in recent years - to the extent he does competitions / charity rides all around the world, this kind of thing. Now, on the one hand, I’m delighted he’s found a way of relieving stress and keeping fit that suits his age (he’s upper 40s). He’s looking great from it, which is not a bad thing. He’s met loads of people through it as well, so good for him. I don’t mind when he goes off on 150 mile rides or whatever, as our kids are all 12+ now (we have 4).

I can’t really put into words what irks me, but there’s something about cycling and men of this age that is bordering on the mildly self-obsessed. I don’t just mean DH, I mean all the friends he has. They all congregate here a fair bit. They go on about shaving time off their records on some hill; or types of wheels etc. They are all on powder protein shakes and they go in about this as if it’s the end all and be all. They are on group chats too and there’s loads of them and they’re always doing stuff for charity. I know it sounds quite harmless and it is really, but I just find it a bit much. Of course there a far worse things they are doing and I realise this.

Basically, even when they’re cycling on their own, they are in a race on an app called Strava. Their are various routes all over the place everywhere and your time is logged. So DH will go out in the morning and come back and say he’s now first place in such and such in Green Park or some hill halfway to Brighton or something like that. Then one of his friends will be out trying to beat this time. And it just goes on and on, And they talk at length about their injuries too. We have 5 bikes in the garage and a ton of bric-a-brac parts. Sometimes he’s on certain diets so this is another thing, and when they congregate here, he asks me to make certain museli bars for them all (no I’m not joking). Or otherwise, they want this banana bread I make with yogurt. They are also quite competitive about their business interests and I do find it a bit cringe to be honest, even though they’re all perfectly pleasant in general terms. AIBU? DH is always watching videos about cycling too and planning his next trip. I don’t mind, but I do find it boring to be perfectly honest and I’m thinking about telling him not to go on and on. I don’t do on and on about my Pilates, for instance. I just go and come home.

All the pp going on about how cycling is great for the environment - yy if you cycle to work or cycle from home but not if you strap a road bike to the back of your sports car and drive halfway across the county to race your mates on rural roads like OP’s husband. I live in a fairly flat rural village and at the weekends our small car park is full to the brim with MAMIL unloading their bikes from their 4x4s.

See also flying abroad to go on cycling tours...

So you're moaning about cooking for them, but then you're not because it's not that often, it's just who they are.

Its coming across that what annoys you is your not getting the attention you want them to give you. Leave them to be, don't cook for them unless you are actually enjoying doing it rather than expecting them to comment how yummy it is, and do your own things.

I never mix with my oh's cyclist friends, we just exchange pleasantry and I 5hen get on with my own things. We do occasionally go out as couples.

Why don’t you get a hobby? I have a horse, husband has a dog, we meet up between our outings

Yeah, women do it too

Well, 3 of them do......

3 IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY

Tbh I get the feeling that your husband would give you a hard time if you didn't cook and serve him and his friends. If that's the case, you definitely have a husband problem.

I'm 39 years old female and I wear the full lycra, have a road bike, I record all my rides on Strava. I love checking my personal bests.

I’m not doing a palaver as they’ll be in the garden. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet,

I get the feeling you'll 'do' them a full spread, with banana bread and muesli bars.

No I’m not making any bloody muesli bars, This came about ages ago because he says the things in the shops make him vomit on rides and so do the gels. This was when he was training for a ride through Turkey and somebody circulated a recipe for these bars with dates in and all sorts, so he gave it to me and asked me to make them. To be honest, it was just mixing stuff and yes, you would think he’d do it himself, but he’s always busy, busy , busy. And he was going in about how much salt he loses on rides and this kind of thing and somebody has recommended this. Is it’s this powder called “Huel” that he likes in smoothies. It’s one fad after the next, or that’s how it seems. He was never like this before cycling.

As a pp said above, I think it’s the self-congratulatory nature if it all that irks me. Plus, they make out as if these rides are something they are obliged to do. There’s no sense whatsoever of it being optional. It’s the same with the rock-climbing when he goes on that, because these trips take a lot of organisation which he moans about having to fit into his schedule, but the thing is, he doesn’t actually HAVE to do it at all. He does car racing as well which takes him all over the place. I can’t tell you how many paragliding holidays we’ve been on in the most unusual places - sitting on some mountain waiting for the right wind, only for him to disappear. He has stopped that, thanks god. And yes, he would fully expect me to cater for his friends and would be hurt and offended if I didn’t. He is very good to me in many ways and I do want to emphasise that, but this is what it’s like. He’s had accidents as well, not only on the bike. He almost drowned last year and it terrified me to the core. He is almost 50.

Cheers PANDORA & Spoke for the link and recipe.

^^

Have you posted about him before OP? This is starting to sound familiar...

I'm a middle aged women from South London who took up road cycling last July. I wear the Lycra, matching socks and shoes etc. I live fashion in my ordinary life so why wouldn't I get great kit as well.

It's a lot of fun. I go out with guys and girls for long rides and we always work out the route with the best coffee shops and cafes so we can stop for coffee and cake to re fuel for the ride home.
That's part of the fun, guilt free cake.

On most of these rides you're burning up over 1,000 calories.

Tell him to find some good coffee shops.

No I’m not making any bloody muesli bars

Glad to hear it! Just go out and leave them to it, OP.

I guarantee you'll find it less annoying if you stop pandering to him and them and also start demanding time for yourself so he has to stay home with the kids and cook.

I did post about him about 3 years ago and that was a worse situation. He has been much better since then.

I hate cyclists in lyrcra. My DH started eyeing up bikes in his mid 40s, I soon quashed that and he is happpily doing DIY projects instead!

@SurreyHillsGirl

Cyclists are legally allowed to ride 2 abreast though

Riding two abreast is legal in some circumstances but The Highway Code states the following ‘cyclists should ride in single file on narrow or busy roads and when riding round bends’.

I wish the time trialling cyclists that descend upon my village every weekend would follow this important advice. I love cycling, I have competed in a few triathlons but some of the competitive MAMILs I have encountered are so far up their own arses I can only hope they aren’t family dodgers and that some poor woman doesn’t have to put up with them.

I know (Im a cyclist!) but a lot of people on here seem to imply it's not legal at all for us to do it....

Wait... You have 4 kids & 2 adults in the house & only 2 bikes? There is something seriously wrong with this picture.

You don't talk about Pilates because... it is so deathly boring. Why would anyone talk about Pilates at length?

Counter-thread here about boring things women do.

I flipping loathe recreational shopping. Just... why?

He isn't the one who wanted to take his buddies bicycle with him, so there would be no room for the DCs bikes on holiday ? Because that one stuck in my mind, and if it's not him he would have to work hard to be as dreadful as that.

Maybe you could have fun with it all. Smile delightedly when they all arrive in the garden, trial out some flatulence inducing prune brownies or something. Offer them round and then appear out of nowhere when anyone starts eating them and stand to close and ask if they are enjoying them. Hand out the recipe to them all. Start showing them pilates positions that will be good for stretching their calf muscles. Talk non stop about pilates and use any discussion about exercise to swing back to the benefits of - you guessed it - pilates.

I can guarantee your DH won't need you as chief bottle washer ever again. Or you could just say " DH it makes me feel uneasy cooking for and serving your sport buddies and I'm not that interested in cycling chat. I'm going out to the beach today, see you at 4" which would be a less fun way of doing it.

Yanbu. Whenever I drive past one I mutter 'everyone hates you.'

@Carouselfish

Yanbu. Whenever I drive past one I mutter 'everyone hates you.'

I do the same to car drivers who drive too close to cyclists so we're even 🙄🙄

llj - that link isn’t a thread about boring things women do It’s a thread by a woman who thinks she’s too stunning to hang out with other women (or some such drivel).

rookie - thanks, your post made me laugh. No, that thread you mention wasn’t me (thankfully)!

"Whenever I drive past one I mutter 'everyone hates you.'"

Wow, aren't you hard.

I know (Im a cyclist!) but a lot of people on here seem to imply it's not legal at all for us to do it....

It's the places where it's a problem that it gets noticed. These narrow, windy roads which recreational cyclists love, and god forbid they move over because that would affect their times. But at the best of times there is always a curve coming up. No one should be two abreast on these roads, if there are so many it would take too long to overtake they need to break up into packets of two or three.

As a commuter cyclist I really get irked by those guys too. There were some at work with me in my last place who I thought ok, shared topic of conversation, cool - but it's not really something we actually had in common. They didn't even care about the side street routes I'd found quieter - it was like a mark of pride to them to ride in traffic? Distinct feeling of being looked down on what with my cheap bike and lack of special clothing! I don't treat it as my "hobby", it doesn't take up a bunch of my time and energy and I just use my bike to get to work. Honestly I think it puts women off cycling to work even when you live close enough to do it, which is a shame because it's inexpensive and more fun than jumping in the car. I knew a guy who spent more on his bike than any car my family's bought!! Can't imagine having a truly obsessed one in the family, OP you have my sympathies...

I’m a middle aged female cyclist. I’ve been cycling since I was 16, which was more than 30 years ago. I like the fresh air, exercise, solitude, camaraderie. I started cycling for transport, and stated cycling as a pastime as it enabled me to get of of London. I wear Lycra or baggies according to the type of ride and bike.

Fortunately I am married to a cyclist, so he doesn’t need the need to grumble about me. We are both reasonable people, and have our fair share of domestic duties, childcare,and cycling, as well as paid work.

The DC can knock up a fair few miles themselves now too.

Ex-wife of a MAMIL here.. yes, so obsessive, equipment-mad and self-absorbed. Not sure if it's much worse than people of both sexes obsessed with fitness/gym/running... I have female friends who talk of little else and like anything, it gets dull. I ride a bike all the time to get around and commute. No lycra. No funny shoes. No protein sachets... Just transport. I'm sorry cycling hasn't become popular as a normal way to get around as that would be way better for us all and for the safety of the roads... Instead it's expensive, competitive, consumerist, heavily male, yawn.