AIBU to say that cycling mainly appeals to a certain demographic of men and they don’t understand that it’s quite boring for wives / partners / general public?

[spokeinthewheel]

I can’t remember when it all started really, but my DH, like many men, has got hugely into cycling in recent years - to the extent he does competitions / charity rides all around the world, this kind of thing. Now, on the one hand, I’m delighted he’s found a way of relieving stress and keeping fit that suits his age (he’s upper 40s). He’s looking great from it, which is not a bad thing. He’s met loads of people through it as well, so good for him. I don’t mind when he goes off on 150 mile rides or whatever, as our kids are all 12+ now (we have 4).

I can’t really put into words what irks me, but there’s something about cycling and men of this age that is bordering on the mildly self-obsessed. I don’t just mean DH, I mean all the friends he has. They all congregate here a fair bit. They go on about shaving time off their records on some hill; or types of wheels etc. They are all on powder protein shakes and they go in about this as if it’s the end all and be all. They are on group chats too and there’s loads of them and they’re always doing stuff for charity. I know it sounds quite harmless and it is really, but I just find it a bit much. Of course there a far worse things they are doing and I realise this.

Basically, even when they’re cycling on their own, they are in a race on an app called Strava. Their are various routes all over the place everywhere and your time is logged. So DH will go out in the morning and come back and say he’s now first place in such and such in Green Park or some hill halfway to Brighton or something like that. Then one of his friends will be out trying to beat this time. And it just goes on and on, And they talk at length about their injuries too. We have 5 bikes in the garage and a ton of bric-a-brac parts. Sometimes he’s on certain diets so this is another thing, and when they congregate here, he asks me to make certain museli bars for them all (no I’m not joking). Or otherwise, they want this banana bread I make with yogurt. They are also quite competitive about their business interests and I do find it a bit cringe to be honest, even though they’re all perfectly pleasant in general terms. AIBU? DH is always watching videos about cycling too and planning his next trip. I don’t mind, but I do find it boring to be perfectly honest and I’m thinking about telling him not to go on and on. I don’t do on and on about my Pilates, for instance. I just go and come home.

If you don’t feel like being the waitress then do something else so he can sort it out.

I'm generally quite pro-biking but I don't think the flocks of bikers on roads with no shoulder purposefully taking up whole lanes for long periods of time is the same thing at all. And it's one thing when you meet these groups occasionally but another when it's group after group taking up the entire lane for their recreational biking.

If they went single file which is what is expected for normal bikes going from one place to another you could go around them. Slow moving vehicles like tractors are usually pretty diligent about allowing others to pass whenever they can and for that matter are supposed to limit how far they go.

Anyway - there is a personality type that gets into these somewhat obsessive hobbies and I do think it is largely men, for whatever reason. Biking, running, golfing, hunting, even bodybuilding. It's all about the equipment, stats, special diets, etc.

@spokeinthewheel

I think wast it is, to be perfectly honest and thinking about it, is that Im feeling a bit flat after lockdown because apart from helping them all with school, I’ve not done much. The other day, one if the cycling friends came round and he’s very nice but.., how can I put it... they are a certain type and you have to be in the mood. The cycling is not just a sport / hobby for them, it’s also a kind of business-network and they bounce off each other in this way. If they were bringing their wives round, I wouldn’t mind, but when it’s just me and them, I feel like the waitress in a cafe, if I could put it that way. So I feel kind of excluded.

I don’t understand.

Your husband is presumably sitting in the garden talking to his mate about cycling. And you are out for a walk / sitting reading a magazine indoors / learning mandarin on your PC in the living room.

Why does this make you feel like a waitress ?

I've noticed near me a lot of the MAMILs have those aerodynamic helmets, like they're just heading to the velodrome. They're not.

Dh would be utterly baffled if I started waiting on him and his cycling friends?! That is an odd dynamic! They drink craft beer in the garden and I make myself scarce.

Would he wait on you and your friends?! Would love to picture the scene of my friends who i cycle with coming over for booze and dh fluttering round poring their drinks they would think he had finally lost it!

Believe me, many men will do whatever it takes to escape family life if they can and cycling is one of the best ways of doing it as it’s hard to criticise someone who is “keeping fit”

Banana cake with yoghurt sounds nice

Strava doesn't have to be about being the fastest, king of the mountain whatever. I am not fast at all, but I like to see how my times compare to myself. I've been using it for years and it's interesting to see when you were faster/fitter and what was going on in your life. For example, a couple of years ago I was on garden leave for a couple of months and that was my all time fastest/fittest I've been. It's proof to me that I need to work less! Also, with lockdown, my fitness is improving as I am not commuting and the benefits of more regular exercise are really starting to pay off. I love the data!

I agree with PP that you don’t have a Cyclist problem; you have a DH problem.

Start developing a life outside of family obligations. It sounds like your DC are old enough. Look up online classes; and when COVID lockdown ends starts hunting around for hobby clubs to join. It might take a bit of hunting around but try to find something you enjoy where you can be you ; not a Wife or Mother.

In the meantime stop pandering to your DH’s every whim. Yes, listen to him occasionally because he’s passionate and you should share in that; but put your foot down and stop attending to his every need when he has his friends round! Say you’re off out, or going out to the garden, or upstairs.

@Goosefoot

I'm generally quite pro-biking but I don't think the flocks of bikers on roads with no shoulder purposefully taking up whole lanes for long periods of time is the same thing at all. And it's one thing when you meet these groups occasionally but another when it's group after group taking up the entire lane for their recreational biking.

If they went single file which is what is expected for normal bikes going from one place to another you could go around them. Slow moving vehicles like tractors are usually pretty diligent about allowing others to pass whenever they can and for that matter are supposed to limit how far they go.

Cyclists are legally allowed to ride 2 abreast though. And we do it to make the group you have to overtake smaller. If there were 6 of us riding single file the space you need to overtake us is considerably longer than if there were only 3 in a row (by riding 2 abreast).

OMG don’t even get me started on the self important hobbies bullshit. Sympathies to everyone.

@spokeinthewheel

The thing is, they do have Ferraris or similar and this is another aspect of it, because they put the bike on the Ferrari and then drive somewhere (eg the Midlands, but it could be anywhere) and do the ride and compare bikes / cars / talk business. It’s the whole vibe around the cycling. It’s hard to describe without sounding mean, but there’s something about it that feels a bit like showing off. Which again, is fair enough to an extent, but don’t pretend you’re doing it all for charity,

Whoever puts their bike on a Ferrari isn't following rule #25.

www.velominati.com

On Friday, they are coming for lunch and it’s not the first time, although it’s probably different ones. I don’t even know. I’m not doing a palaver as they’ll be in the garden. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet, I know what people are saying, “well just go out or stop moaning,” but it’s not really like that. It’s not the end of the world and it’s not as if it’s every week. I know this. I’m just not feeling very tolerant of certain types of men and the way they are sometimes because for whatever reason, it’s quite boring for me at this time and I’m not feeling massively sociable for whatever reason.

ok, then friday lunchtime you need to go out for a bike ride

A colleague at work has a husband who had a middle aged wobble and landed himself in a cycling club. It all sounds excruciatingly boring for her and the kids as they get left most weekends after breakfast while he spends the majority of the day away, then when he returns they have to listen to his amazing cycling feats and he can't do anything because he's been out on the bike all day and is exhausted. She sounds utterly miserable and is contemplating divorce.

My DH is a mountain biker. From what I can gather the obsessive behaviour is there but not nearly as bad as road cyclists and the gear isn't as MAMIL...

The trouble is as a horse owner I pretty much have to take the piss constantly, with huge amounts of money needed, constant time spent away from the house and endless anguish over injuries, wellbeing, lack of riding ability, yard politics, tbh he basically has a free pass until forever. And he knows it

Cyclists are legally allowed to ride 2 abreast though

Riding two abreast is legal in some circumstances but The Highway Code states the following ‘cyclists should ride in single file on narrow or busy roads and when riding round bends’.

I wish the time trialling cyclists that descend upon my village every weekend would follow this important advice. I love cycling, I have competed in a few triathlons but some of the competitive MAMILs I have encountered are so far up their own arses I can only hope they aren’t family dodgers and that some poor woman doesn’t have to put up with them.

I think the issue is him expecting you to be making all this lovely food for him and his mates, while you are already working (and looking after the children?).

Sorry I missed quite a few posts!

Surely he can get himself the the fridge to feed and water his mates. He's taking the piss.

I think it’s not so much about hobbies which are obviously a good thing, but obsessions that can be worrying, particularly if the obsessions lead a person to neglect other things in their lives such as children and relationships.

'I'm not doing a palaver' 'it's not every week'

So this week you have to:

• think about what you are going to do. The fact that you havent just said 'a cheese sandwich' shows you are concious you need to 'think' to do something nice
• you have to go and get the food and given lockdown this is a 'pop to the shops', you will possibly wait in a queue and it will take twice as long
• On Friday you have to prepare everything and presumably make sure the house is all clean and tidy
• I expect, by the sounds of it, you'll also be clearing up

It's going to be lovely this week and you'll be stuck in doing lunch for a bunch you don't even know/like. I really don't get it, you should be out enjoying the sunshine. If you DH can have Friday off for a bike ride he can do the shopping. This is a great opportunity for you to tell your DH that he needs to sort Friday and make a positive change going forward, if you don't feel like that why don't you just do something very basic or would that not be good enough. It's very clear OP that this is about how you look, please do something about your self esteem.

So on one hand your moaning about it the next you dont kind it, seriously just stop whining then.

I think your just bored because your not off doing something and when other posters suggest you go do something you say you dont mind being in.

Sounds like its YOU problem and you need to figure out why your feeling like this

The problem isn't cycling per se.

It's that a large group of middle aged men -who would be ignoring their families, splurging money and self-obsessing/self-congratulating anyway- have collectively landed on cycling as their thing.

It's perfectly possible to dig cycling and be an excellent father husband.

DH is big on biking and I totally benefit. He maintains my bikes, carves out time on the weekend for me to ride, encourages me. And when we can get a sitter we go together.