AIBU to say that cycling mainly appeals to a certain demographic of men and they don’t understand that it’s quite boring for wives / partners / general public?

[spokeinthewheel]

I can’t remember when it all started really, but my DH, like many men, has got hugely into cycling in recent years - to the extent he does competitions / charity rides all around the world, this kind of thing. Now, on the one hand, I’m delighted he’s found a way of relieving stress and keeping fit that suits his age (he’s upper 40s). He’s looking great from it, which is not a bad thing. He’s met loads of people through it as well, so good for him. I don’t mind when he goes off on 150 mile rides or whatever, as our kids are all 12+ now (we have 4).

I can’t really put into words what irks me, but there’s something about cycling and men of this age that is bordering on the mildly self-obsessed. I don’t just mean DH, I mean all the friends he has. They all congregate here a fair bit. They go on about shaving time off their records on some hill; or types of wheels etc. They are all on powder protein shakes and they go in about this as if it’s the end all and be all. They are on group chats too and there’s loads of them and they’re always doing stuff for charity. I know it sounds quite harmless and it is really, but I just find it a bit much. Of course there a far worse things they are doing and I realise this.

Basically, even when they’re cycling on their own, they are in a race on an app called Strava. Their are various routes all over the place everywhere and your time is logged. So DH will go out in the morning and come back and say he’s now first place in such and such in Green Park or some hill halfway to Brighton or something like that. Then one of his friends will be out trying to beat this time. And it just goes on and on, And they talk at length about their injuries too. We have 5 bikes in the garage and a ton of bric-a-brac parts. Sometimes he’s on certain diets so this is another thing, and when they congregate here, he asks me to make certain museli bars for them all (no I’m not joking). Or otherwise, they want this banana bread I make with yogurt. They are also quite competitive about their business interests and I do find it a bit cringe to be honest, even though they’re all perfectly pleasant in general terms. AIBU? DH is always watching videos about cycling too and planning his next trip. I don’t mind, but I do find it boring to be perfectly honest and I’m thinking about telling him not to go on and on. I don’t do on and on about my Pilates, for instance. I just go and come home.

I chose my cycling chap because he has a hobby of his own. After divorcing a controlling man I wanted an element of independence in a relationship. My chap's rides, which can be quite extreme ultimately involve lots of beers being drunk at the end of the ride. We go to Majorca. I read in the shade and eat and drink while he rides and we all meet up late afternoon for harbour side beers. His hobby fits into our lives extremely well.

@Goosefoot you should overtake a cyclist as if it were a car. Therefore if it is too narrow or dangerous to overtake two cyclists it is too narrow to overtake one, without getting too close to the cyclist.

And this is why cycling clubs are excellent if you want to meet a man

Good point.

As for cycle paths, the UK has some extremely high quality cycle paths - yes, they do exist, I've both ridden and run along them, and yet they're not good enough for the MAMILs - much more fun to hold up the drivers.

What I am talking about is Colin from Chertsey wearing a lycra all in one covered in branding and 'sponsorship' as if he is taking part in the Tour De France ha ha yes!

you should overtake a cyclist as if it were a car. Therefore if it is too narrow or dangerous to overtake two cyclists it is too narrow to overtake one, without getting too close to the cyclist

Yes. So many people don't realise this.

The worst part of coming up behind a cyclist isn't the cyclist, it's the fact that the impatient idiots behind you will start beeping you because you won't overtake on a blind bend.

I'm sorry cycling hasn't become popular as a normal way to get around as that would be way better for us all and for the safety of the roads... Instead it's expensive, competitive, consumerist, heavily male, yawn Agree.

@Goosefoot If there's a central white line in the road it's not a 'narrow road', there's a separate lane the other side of it perfectly useable for overtaking if you can be bothered to turn your steering wheel a little to the right. If the road is wiggly that's unfortunate but it's not the fault of the cyclists you aren't confident enough to overtake them.

Back to the OP, you definitely have a DH problem rather than a cyclist problem. 100% stop cooking for him, let him make his own protein bars. Go out when his friends come round. Or take up cycling too with equal or greater enthusiasm so that your achievements overshadow his and go on about them all the time.

@Carouselfish Now that did make me chuckle.

Yanbu. Whenever I drive past one I mutter 'everyone hates you.'

The thing that's unreasonable here is the extent to which you are expected to host and facilitate. If he wants to host his cycling mates - let him do the donkey work!

When he tells you they're coming over, say "Oh that'll be fun, what are you planning to cook for them?" Stop being a doormat!

I'm a strava logging cyclist who wears lycra, but this isn't a cycling issue - it's an arrogant, wealthy, middle aged man issue. They sound like a bunch of willy-waving sexist arses in what they expect of their wives.

I got DH some gadget for his bike that he can plot a route on and then it directs him. It times the ride, blah, blah and then upload it. He’s very pleased with it. I was less pleased when he started updating me on his estimated sweat loss, according to the gadget. (not envy). I’ve had to ban any further talk about it. I told him it’s like listening to our 10yo talk about Minecraft, both incomprehensible and boring. I don’t at all mind him going out though, good for him. Just don’t want to listen to him wanging on about it afterwards.

I was less pleased when he started updating me on his estimated sweat loss, according to the gadget. envy (not envy). I’ve had

How do you live with these guys!

I'm a light weight. I get my bike out early on saturday and sunday mornings and go for a keep fit ride before the traffic builds. Its usually about an hour. I return home,shower and hop back into bed again having made tea ..

My DH started eyeing up bikes in his mid 40s, I soon quashed that

What the fuck? A grown man isn't allowed to choose his own hobby?! Seriously controlling.

I'd divorce my DH if he objected to me spending my spare time how I choose.

A lack of humour me thinks.

The whole post is pretty sexist, presuming women don't do these things

I’m a small c cyclist 🚴‍♀️
Used to commute and have had some amazing rides in lockdown

But getting stuck in traffic behind a group of Surrey Mamils (always from fucking Surrey ) makes me

bluefoxmug I can confirm from experience that you certainly DO get the same sort of obsessives in archery. One of the reasons I gave it up.

My DH cycles and is definitely into it, but not to your DH's extent. He will, however, analyse his rides on Strava and 'talk' to me from the other room about his new record going up whatever hill, or rank himself amongst other friends on the app in terms of miles, power, max heart-rate and total elevation.

I 'Mm-hmm? Wow! Really?' a lot without really listening. Occasionally I'll properly engage so he doesn't suspect.

I'm glad he does it though; he goes out for 2-3 hours and it really helps his mental health. I go out for walks alone, or sometimes we all do, for about that long too.

There’s something endearing about people who geek out about their hobbies. Generally geeks don’t bore other people with their chat, or if they’re told to stop boring people they stop. For this type, it’s an internal pleasure.

The issue with a certain type of cyclist (and this type mostly is male cyclists, in my experience, because it’s just the right combination of alone time + exercise + machinery + gadgets + competitiveness) is that they think their achievements make them better humans. Better machines. That’s why they feel entitled to go on and on about it: what reason can you have to stop them from evolving into better human beings?

So fucking dull.

OP, You have said you're happy for him to have the hobby even though it takes a lot of time.

So is the issue here mostly just that he thinks his 'stuff' is more important than your stuff? He won't change, so the only thing you can do is manage your response.

Some possible responses to the various issues raised:

Boring chat: "Oh good, that's great darling. Now, what do you think about [issue/topic/thing the kids are doing]?" Repeat ad infinitum

Requests/demands for food "I won't be doing/making that, you can get some nice things from the supermarket though. I'll be out that day". Works especially well if he hasn't yet told you what day it is . And if he insists, don't engage and don't make the stuff. He can't force you.

Requests to attend and cheer: "Oh I'd love to, but there's not much to do when I can't see you which is most of the ride - so I'll stay home this time. Get your friends to record it and send it to me, and I'll cheer you on from here. Love you".

If you want some equivalent time to yourself "I'll be at yoga retreat/ballet camp/etc in 4 weekends time, love you, enjoy the time with the kids".

YANBU btw. You clearly are accepting of him spending a LOT of time on his hobbies, I think you are very supportive and understanding.

I think there is a difference in it being a passionate hobby, and it completely taking over your life. My DP is bike obsessed, it drives me insane. I am always second option when it comes to plans. He will always plan to go out on his bike, the only reason he won't go is if its raining, then he'll say.. "Oh, its raining, I'm not going out on my bike so we can do something if you like "
Then, if he does go out, he's like an excited kid whose just been to the park for the first time ever and is practically jumping up and down telling me all about every single jump, bend or whatever it is he's done. I honestly do not care. It's boring and inconsiderate. If I'm really lucky I get to see the video footage too. And see if he moans that his house is a mess because he doesn't have time to sort it, once. more. time, I feel I may actually scream. Aahhhhh, feel better for that.

[quote lampygirl]@Goosefoot If there's a central white line in the road it's not a 'narrow road', there's a separate lane the other side of it perfectly useable for overtaking if you can be bothered to turn your steering wheel a little to the right. If the road is wiggly that's unfortunate but it's not the fault of the cyclists you aren't confident enough to overtake them.

Back to the OP, you definitely have a DH problem rather than a cyclist problem. 100% stop cooking for him, let him make his own protein bars. Go out when his friends come round. Or take up cycling too with equal or greater enthusiasm so that your achievements overshadow his and go on about them all the time.[/quote]
If you can't see the traffic coming the other way, you can't go in the other lane, no matter how confident you are. No car would acceptably go for miles along a road at bike speeds where no one could go by - it would be considered appropriate to pull over if it was necessary for some reason to drive at that speed.

It's not chance that it's not the regular cyclists who behave that way. Just like it's not chance that regular people out for a jog aren't the ones that run two abreast and don't move for people walking in the other direction.

@Goosefoot I'm a regular cyclist and I ride assertively. That means taking a road position that protects me from dangerous overtaking. On narrow, windy country roads that means I come out more to the centre of the lane. If you overtake me too close I could die.

I have every right to be on the road and in the centre of the lane too. I average 15 mph on my rides, so hardly stationary. I don't pull over, because why should I. Just wait, be patient, leave more time to travel. Your car is destroying the planet, my bike isn't.

[quote BreathlessCommotion]@Goosefoot I'm a regular cyclist and I ride assertively. That means taking a road position that protects me from dangerous overtaking. On narrow, windy country roads that means I come out more to the centre of the lane. If you overtake me too close I could die.

I have every right to be on the road and in the centre of the lane too. I average 15 mph on my rides, so hardly stationary. I don't pull over, because why should I. Just wait, be patient, leave more time to travel. Your car is destroying the planet, my bike isn't.[/quote]
You should pull over for the same reason farmers pull over regularly with their tractors or people with slow cars or people with buggies.

I'm always very careful to give bikes lots of room, but no consideration for other people on the road doesn't endear that kind of recreational biking to anyone.

he asks me to make certain museli bars for them all

Does he not know where his own kitchen is?

It’s daft to say cyclists should pull over. It depends on the road. I often do, but I don’t have to.

Even a tractor doesn’t pull over for every car, They will wait until there’s a queue of cars....so maybe every 15 mins at the most.

It depends how busy the road is but if it’s a busy, narrow road a cyclist could have to pull over every 2 mins. Which is ridiculous, they’d never get anywhere. I guess pulling over once every 15 mins is reasonable....so either safely overtake during that time or be prepared or wait.

The roads where I do tend to pull over as soon as I can are the single track lanes, so a car can’t overtake me....there isn’t enough room.

If it’s a normal road even if it’s bendy then generally the car will have to wait for a straight bit with no oncoming traffic. I’m very rural and can’t think of any roads where it’s bend after bend after bend for miles. There will always be somewhere for the car to overtake even if they have to wait a while.

We both cycle but I got into it first and then led dh astray.